Status: Active...maybe...kinda...sorta
It's Not You. It's Me. And No! He is Not My Boyfriend!
Sarcasm is Such an Ugly Color on You
"HEY! What do you mean go back to 'pretending' that I have a chance with Caroline?" Carter had finally realized the stab I made at him six hours earlier.
"Here. Take my books. It’s boyfriendly."
"No!" Carter let three textbooks fall to the floor with three large thuds.
"What hell was that for?"
"I'm your boyfriend in school, but the minute we step outside we're just friends again! None of this walking you to your car crap."
"You'd think I was asking you to cut your penis off," I muttered under my breath as I leaned over to get my books.
"That would be less painful. Well. No. Never mind. No it wouldn't."
"Plus, we have to go on at least one date. It has to be convincing. We can go to the school dance on friday!"
"No. No. And wait I think I forgot to tell you no!" Carter crossed his arms over his chest like I was the gym teacher Mr. Grigg, and I was trying to cop a feel.
"Why not?"
"I do not want to rub my genitalia on your genitalia all night long."
"Well if you put it that way....I don't care." I spilled my books in to Carter's hands again, and headed towards the door.
Carter, a male who could not stand to lose a fight or not get his way, followed. I had to get him to carry my books to my car one way or another. Truth be told, I wanted Carter's jeaned penis rubbing against my butt as much as I wanted to be shot several times with a musket.
"Oh hey look," Carter, forgetting about our current dispute, pointed to my hunk o' crap on wheels. "Your boyfriend is waiting for you."
"He is relentless!" I smacked my face into my hands shaking all three in despair.
"I don't see why you don't just date him. He's a very subservient fellow."
"Because he's dumb and he's a bad kisser."
"Well as long as your not dumping him for shallow reasons or anything."
"Sarcasm is such an ugly color on you."
"Pft. Oh please!" Carter juggled my books in one hand in order to flip his wrist. "They haven't been able to make a color that looks bad on me."
"Hey Ellis. Can I talk to you?" Matthew asked now that Carter and I were within ear shot of my car.
"What do you need to talk to my...girlfriend about?" Carter stepped 'all up in Matthew's grill,’ as the cool kids would say.
"I needed to ask her what we had for physics homework. If that's okay with you warden?" Matthew puffed out his chest at Carter's challenge. He was at least four inches shorter than six foot six Carter.
"But we're not-"
Carter cut me off. The whole not wanting to lose an argument mentality had risen up in him again.
"Look buddy. We're dating so leave her alone."
"Fine." Matthew huffed. "But you can't be around her all the time Jenkins."
"Oh can I?" Carter lamely retorted as Matthew stomped away.
"No. No you can't," I replied once Matthew was out of ear shot. "But thanks for carrying my books."
"So," he rocked back and forth on his heels. "Should we? You know
Both of us leaned in for a kiss.
"No. We shouldn't," I pulled away quickly. Some things were too weird even for me.
"You're right. Let's pretend this never happened."
"Let's."
"Here. Take my books. It’s boyfriendly."
"No!" Carter let three textbooks fall to the floor with three large thuds.
"What hell was that for?"
"I'm your boyfriend in school, but the minute we step outside we're just friends again! None of this walking you to your car crap."
"You'd think I was asking you to cut your penis off," I muttered under my breath as I leaned over to get my books.
"That would be less painful. Well. No. Never mind. No it wouldn't."
"Plus, we have to go on at least one date. It has to be convincing. We can go to the school dance on friday!"
"No. No. And wait I think I forgot to tell you no!" Carter crossed his arms over his chest like I was the gym teacher Mr. Grigg, and I was trying to cop a feel.
"Why not?"
"I do not want to rub my genitalia on your genitalia all night long."
"Well if you put it that way....I don't care." I spilled my books in to Carter's hands again, and headed towards the door.
Carter, a male who could not stand to lose a fight or not get his way, followed. I had to get him to carry my books to my car one way or another. Truth be told, I wanted Carter's jeaned penis rubbing against my butt as much as I wanted to be shot several times with a musket.
"Oh hey look," Carter, forgetting about our current dispute, pointed to my hunk o' crap on wheels. "Your boyfriend is waiting for you."
"He is relentless!" I smacked my face into my hands shaking all three in despair.
"I don't see why you don't just date him. He's a very subservient fellow."
"Because he's dumb and he's a bad kisser."
"Well as long as your not dumping him for shallow reasons or anything."
"Sarcasm is such an ugly color on you."
"Pft. Oh please!" Carter juggled my books in one hand in order to flip his wrist. "They haven't been able to make a color that looks bad on me."
"Hey Ellis. Can I talk to you?" Matthew asked now that Carter and I were within ear shot of my car.
"What do you need to talk to my...girlfriend about?" Carter stepped 'all up in Matthew's grill,’ as the cool kids would say.
"I needed to ask her what we had for physics homework. If that's okay with you warden?" Matthew puffed out his chest at Carter's challenge. He was at least four inches shorter than six foot six Carter.
"But we're not-"
Carter cut me off. The whole not wanting to lose an argument mentality had risen up in him again.
"Look buddy. We're dating so leave her alone."
"Fine." Matthew huffed. "But you can't be around her all the time Jenkins."
"Oh can I?" Carter lamely retorted as Matthew stomped away.
"No. No you can't," I replied once Matthew was out of ear shot. "But thanks for carrying my books."
"So," he rocked back and forth on his heels. "Should we? You know
Both of us leaned in for a kiss.
"No. We shouldn't," I pulled away quickly. Some things were too weird even for me.
"You're right. Let's pretend this never happened."
"Let's."