It's Not You. It's Me. And No! He is Not My Boyfriend!

“Ellis!” Melissa’s voice rang out the minute I stepped out of the gym.

I scanned the contents of the lobby to see if Carter was in sight. He wasn’t, so I turned to talk to Melissa after heaving an exasperated sigh.

“Hey Melissa,” I waved timidly hoping that would suffice for the time being. It was a big dance, so she would be busy trying to gather as much gossip as possible.

Before continuing the conversation, Melissa wrapped me in a giant bear hug. She gave me an extra squeeze before breaking away, an expression of great despair on her face.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she lowered her voice to below a stage whisper, something she only reserved for the juiciest of secrets.

“I’m pretty sure I told you I was coming in history class earlier today.”

“No, I mean about Carter cheating on you.”
It was my time to act like had never acted before, which was never so I had to make sure my debut performance was convincing.

“What are you talking about?” I twisted my face into an expression of confusion.

“I heard about Carter hooking up with Caroline Henderson at Cade’s party. She is such a slut,” she scoffed.

“What?” I asked again, chuckling slightly. “Where did you hear that?”

“Matthew Perkins. He was muttering about getting that evil son of a bitch back, and then he told me.”

“Oh Perkins?” I laughed heartily even placing a hand on my stomach in classical side stitching manner for emphasis. “Did you seem him? He must’ve finished about half a bottle of gin on his own. He got into a little fight with Carter for being too forward with me, so he must’ve made that back to get back at him!” I flipped my wrist to make it seem like it was just a whole misunderstanding.

“Oh,” Melissa narrowed her eyes. “Weird. I didn’t think he had the ability to make up a story that convincing.”

“He’s full of surprises. Did you know he was in AP Calculus?”

“What? Seriously?”

“I know, right? Well, I gotta go. I need to find Carter. He left...not feeling well...so I have to go find him. See you later!” I called behind me, leaving Melissa no time to reply before I began to ascend the stairs to the second story of the gym lobby.

The second floor landing, and I suppose what would be considered a balcony was devoid of any human activity. I searched around for any clue of Carter, only to find a looming figure sitting on the steps outside the entrance. I timidly opened the door to find Carter sitting with his head in his hands.

“Hey,” I greeted him softly, running my fingers gently up and down his back.

“Hey,” he replied through a large sigh, removing his head from the cradle his hands created.

I gave him a sad half smile before stating, “Melissa found out.”

“What?” his eyebrows furrowed in a tortured confusion.

“Yeah. She came to comfort me. I told her it was all a misunderstanding, but she didn’t seem too convinced. She heard it from Matthew. I told her he made up the story, but she’s not dumb. I think she realized that Matthew doesn’t have the mental capacity to make up such a convincing story,” I removed my hand from Carter’s back to rub my arms. I was wearing little clothing, and we were sitting outside on a crisp fall night.

“Shit,” was all he replied, leaning back on his arms and staring towards the sky.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “It’s going to be all over the school soon.”

“I guess it was stupid to think we could keep it a secret. Everyone loves gossip like this.”

“But if the whole school knows it changes things.”

“What do you mean?” Carter sat up again to stare into my eyes. He stared as if he was trying to reach into my soul, causing me to stare at the pavement to escape his intense gaze.

“Well, what kind of girl would I be if I so readily forgave you after cheating on me? What would other people think?”

“Since when did you care about what others think?”

“I don’t want to seem like some weak girl that can’t stand up to her boyfriend. I mean, I’m all for second chances, and if this were a serious relationship it would all make sense, but we’ve only been dating for a month and a half.”

“You’re right,” Carter put his head back in his hands, sighing heavily. “You should break up with me.”

I sighed loudly in response, pulling my body in to shield myself from the cold. I stared up at the sky wondering how it was all so complicated. I chuckled to myself realizing that it was never easy. We started dating because of a complicated lie. It was even complicated before that because Carter had always had feelings for me. I didn’t want to break up. I liked Carter, but I also felt like I was not being the strong girl I like to believe I was by just taking back.

“You don’t think this is serious?” Carter asked after what felt like an eternity of a silence so thick one would’ve need a chain saw to cut through it.

“We’ve only been dating a month and a half.”

“Yeah.”

“You think this is serious?”

Carter took his head from his hands again to give me a look as if I had asked why was the sky blue?

“I’ve liked you since seventh grade. There is no way for it not to be serious for me.”

“Oh. Right.”

Carter let out a huge groan, resembling a sound a cow might make, while he laid back upon the the pavement, covering his face with his hands once again.

“I am SUCH an idiot!”

“Nonsense!” I flipped a wrist in his direction. “You’re in five AP classes!”

“That’s not what I meant! Do you know how long I’ve wanted us to be together?”

“Since seventh grade?”

“Exactly! I’ve wanted to call you my girlfriend for six years of my life, and then I screw it up in one night!” Carter shot up to face me again. His eyes dewy with the tears that seemed to be forming in his eyes.

“Are you going to cry?” I placed my hand gingerly on top of one of his, hoping tears would not pour from his eyes. I found it really uncomfortable to watch boys cry.

He rolled his eyes at me before howling, “No! I’m just so fucking pissed with myself!” he slammed his free hand on the pavement.

“There’s nothing you can do about it now,” I focused my attention on the hand I gently stroked.

“I know! I know, but everyday I replay that night in my head wishing that I could’ve done something different.”

“It’s not worth beating yourself up over.”

“It definitely is!” Carter gently stroked my cheek with his free hand. “If we break up it would be all my fault! Are we...breaking up?”

“I dunno,” I sighed feeling the tears well in my eyes. It was never easy to deal with breaking up with someone, especially if you still had feelings for the person. “It’s just all so complicated now.”

“Relationships are.”

“Well it doesn’t have to be. We could go back to being best friends. That was easy.”

“It wouldn’t be that easy,” Carter shook his head vehemently. “I couldn’t handle my feelings. I would probably end up in jail for murdering your next boyfriend.”

“You say that now, but we could go back to the good ole days. Maybe we work better as friends.”

“It wouldn’t work,” there was a slight hint of harshness in Carter’s tone.

“Why not?”

“Because,” Carter heaved a big sigh before continuing. “Don’t you get it? I love you.”