It's Not You. It's Me. And No! He is Not My Boyfriend!

"You know people are getting a little suspicious," Melissa leaned over to inform me while Mr. Shueler, our history teacher, took attendance.

"I swear I'm not the one who keep drawing the penises in the last staircase!" I threw my hands up in a state of surrender.

"No." Melissa gave me an annoyed look. "About you and Carter."

"Why?"

"Because you and Carter have been dating for three days and the most you guys have done is hold hands."

"Well we're old fashioned. No kissing before....marriage."

Melissa laughed, thinking I was kidding. I would wait until long after marriage to kiss Carter.

"It's okay. You're Carter's first girlfriend right? He's probably just nervous."

"Yeah. I'm sure that's it."

"You know what I also heard?" she didn't wait for me to ask before continuing. "Matthew Perkins has a thing for you!" her eyes lit up with major excitement. One of her friends was getting close to the guy she was too annoying to ever be with.

"I know that's why-" I cut myself off. If you were trying to keep something hidden, telling it to Melissa was not the way to go about it.

"That's why what?"

I had to think on my feet. Melissa would not give up until she knew ‘that was why.’

"Carter doesn't like Matthew. Because Matthew likes me...yeah."

"Oh! Jealousy!" she squealed. "How cute!"

"Yes, but alas, my heart could never be torn from Carter for he sends it in a twitter!" I clasped both my hands over my heart.

"What better way to show it than taking the reins and kissing him?" Melissa giggled.

I hoped I had mouth wash handy in my locker.

***

"No. No. No. No. No. No times ten to the nth degree."

"You just came from Calculus."

"That's beside the point!" Carter pointed his finger at me as if I was a child being berated for doing something wrong. "I am not! I repeat not! Kissing you!"

"Oh come one measly kiss to show we're actually dating."

"I did not sign up for kissing!" he shook his head violently.

"It could make Caroline jealous." I didn't want to lie, but considering our entire relationship was a farce my soul was already damned.

"It could?"

"Of course. Girls hate seeing other girls kiss...attractive men."

"Attractive ay?"

He took the bait.

"Maybe we should just have one big slobber fest and get it over and done with," he suggested.

"No. I don't think that's necessary."

"Yeah. You're right. The only thing of mine that I want slobbering over you is my dog, and even that I'm wary of. Who knows what he could catch."

"Well then it's settled!" I ignored his jab at my cleanliness. "We kiss."

"Now?" Carter gulped.

"Well there are the most people here now,"

I drew his attention to the locker room filled with students trying to make their way home for the afternoon.

"Okay. If you....insist."

Carter and I leaned just our faces into the kiss as if the rest of our body would receive an electric shock if they touched. Our lips brushed. I worked hard to keep my lunch down as our lips fully touched in kiss formation. Awkward would be the word to describe our kiss. We stood lip locked the rest of our bodies three feet apart. I moved a bit closer to make it look more convincing, and begrudgingly placed one of my hands on Carter's chest. The next thing I knew, Carter had my body heavily wrapped in his arms close to his body. I was the first to pull away breathless.

"What was the monster grip for?" I inquired while wiping my lip of any moisture and Carter germs.

"We had to be convincing. Maybe I got a little carried away," he chuckled, blushing slightly.

"Maybe, but do you think it convinced the masses."

"Yes. Especially Perkins. He's so heart broken that he became homosexual. Now we can 'break up'."

"You can't become homosexual," I gave Carter a smug look. "No breaking up yet. Give it at least three weeks."

"Three weeks?" he whined. "That's too long! Imagine how many times we'll have to kiss in that time period!"

"I'm not happy about it either."

"I'm starting to think otherwise."

I slammed Carter's head into the nearest locker. Mean? Yes, but I had to prove to him that it wasn't some sick and twisted way for me to be with him.

"OW! Okay, okay. I get it. You're not enjoying it. Can we just not kiss anymore?"

"Enjoying it too much?"

"Yes. That's exactly why I want to do it less."

"What did I tell you about sarcasm?"

"And I say to you that they haven't made a color that looks bad on me. Jeez you are so dense."

"Keep it up. I see another kiss in your future!" I threatened by leaning in towards Carter again.

"OH GOD NO!" He pressed himself against the locker as I drew closer. "What did I do to
deserve this? I promise I'll go to church every Sunday and pay attention in religion class if you just make this stop!"

"Cut the melodramatics."

"Let's just keep the kissing the a minimum."

"Deal." I stuck out my hand for Carter to shake it. "This is more for the safety of my lips. I'd rather they not burn off."