It's Not You. It's Me. And No! He is Not My Boyfriend!

“OH DEAR JESUS!” I screamed clutching my chest. I had just stumbled upon a dark figure sitting upon my front steps.

“You didn’t see my car parked out front?” Carter chuckled lightly.

“No, and if you’ll excuse me I need to get to bed. I’m really tired.”

“Aww come on now! Don’t do me like that! I’ve been waiting here for two hours!”

“One. That’s creepy. Two. I’m doing you like that,” I turned to open my front door only to be forced back around to face Carter.

“Please?”

“No, and don’t even try to make it pretty and put sugar on top. You’ll just be wasting your breath, and let’s face it, you’re not getting anymore as you get older.”

Carter jumped up and flung himself in front of the door.

“I didn’t want to have to resort to force, but I will!” he pointed a finger of warning in my direction.

“Violence will get you no where, now please move.”

“Never.”

“Fine,” I turned, this was my house after all. I knew where the back door was located.

However, before I could even make it to the front steps, Carter had catapulted himself over the porch banister and blocked the stairway.

“Fine!” I threw my hands up. “We can talk! Obviously it will be the only way I’ll be able to get into my house tonight,” I plopped down angrily on the steps. Just because I agreed to talk, didn’t mean I had to like it.

“Where were you tonight anyway? I called all our friends, but you weren’t with any of them.”

“I went on a date with Matthew Perkins.”

“What?” Carter stuck a finger into his ear. “I think all this ear wax has prevented me from hearing properly. You did what tonight?”

“Went on a date with Perkins,” I rolled my eyes.

Carter turned towards me, his eyes narrowed in a combination of disbelief, anger, and confusion.

“Oh Sure! Rip my heart out!” he bit, “Just go out with another guy! It’s cool! It’s even better if you do it with the guy I hate the most!” he stood up and threw his hands into the air.

“Uh, last time I checked, we were broken up. Unless something changed while I wasn’t around?”

“How could you do this to me Ellis?” Carter sat again, pain streaking across his facial features.

“We’re not together anymore Carter. Remember? You decided to go out on a date with Caroline. I slapped you across the face, then hoped she was a good fuck. Remember?” I tapped on his head for emphasis. “Besides, I’m not interested in him. I just did it so he’d leave me alone, and it worked. To think, if I had just done that the first week of school...” I shook my head disappointingly, if only I knew then what I now know two months later.

“It really just took one date?” Carter forgot his anger for a moment to be confused.

“Yeah, apparently he just wanted to go on a real date with me instead of just hooking up. I was okay with the just hooking up thing personally, but hey, different strokes for different folks.”

“Hmm,” Carter nodded his head a few times, letting the information soak in.

“Well now that we settled that matter,” I began to stand up, only to have Carter pull me back down.

“Hey! You’re not leaving that easily.”

“Damn.”

“Look,” Carter ran his hands through his hair as he searched for the right words. “I may have over reacted.”

“May have?”

“Okay, okay. I definitely over reacted.”

“If you looked up over reaction in the dictionary, a picture of you would be there.”

“I get it Ellis!” he gave me a look that told me to drop the subject.

“I just wanted to let you know I was sorry. I was dumb. I hope we can just put this whole mess behind us and be together again.”

“Sure, as friends.”

“Great!” A smile of relief spread across his face for a split second, before becoming totally serious. “Wait. What?”

“We can be friends again.”

“But I said I was sorry.”

“And I accepted your apology.”

“Doesn’t that mean we get back together?”

“Uh, no? That means I accept your apology.”

“But.”

“Carter,” I cut him off before he could argue my decision. “You showed me a side of you that I’ve never seen before. A side I didn’t like at all. It’s glaringly obvious that we just don’t work as a couple. I’m sorry. The only way you can be in my life is as my friend,” I stood up to begin the short walk to my front door.

“I don’t think I can do that.”

“Then I’m sorry,” I turned my back to him, tears welling in my eyes. I didn’t expect us to be friends after the whole break up, but it didn’t really hit me until I said it. I knew I would miss Carter as my friend more than Carter as my boyfriend. You can’t go from being best friends for six years to not talking at all without some degree of pain.