It's Not You. It's Me. And No! He is Not My Boyfriend!

“Yo g,” I looked up from my English book to find Carter staring back at me.

“Oh god. You’re back.”

“Oh gee. Thanks!” he plopped down beside me. “Anything good happen while I was gone?”


“Are you even supposed to be here?” I ignored his question to ask my own. It had only been a week after all.

“I think I’m okay. It has been a week. Plus, if I spend anymore time in my house I’m going to go into a coma.”

“Huh. That would definitely defeat the purpose of not straining your brain.”

“Yeah. So really this move is for my own safety. I think my mom was at the end of her rope anyway. She was threatening to castrate me.”

I laughed loudly, causing the few that graced the locker room with their presence to look at me.

“That’s not normal?”

“Well, she’s always threatening to torture me, but she’s never gone as far to threaten her chance to have grandchildren at some point.”

“She’s has your brother for hope now. And he’s still cute.”

“I’m cute!” Carter pouted and thew his hands on his hips.

“Apparently,” I mused thinking back to the day before.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“CARTER!” Melissa’s screech could be heard for what I could only assume was thousands of miles away.

I smirked, knowing that Carter would be clued into what I meant soon enough.

“YOU’RE BACK!” she bounded over, and threw her arms around his neck.

“Fragile! Fragile!” he eased himself of her grip. “Almost died last week!”

“And yet, a near death experience has not stopped you from exaggerating life to the fullest!” I held back laughter.

“Oh right!” Melissa sat back on her knees and smiled apologetically. “Sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?”


Carter stared at her half horrified and half confused.

“I’m okay for now. Uh thanks?”


“No problem!” she wrapped him into a tight hug again. “I’ll be right back! I just have to get my books!”

“What. The fuck. Was that?” Carter turned towards me once Melissa had left.

“Apparently,” I chortled before standing up. “Well, I have history second period, so I really can’t stand to have that kind of volume twice in one day. The ear is a very sensitive thing. Do you know, that no machine can match the level of sounds we can hear.”

“I took Physics One last year.”

“Well, your ear will be a little less sensitive soon.”


“NO!” Carter grabbed on to my leg to prevent me from leaving. “DON’T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!”


“I’m sorry. This is too funny for me to help.”


“Carter!” Melissa called out to, coming back to sit next to him. “What are you doing to Ellis?” She stared up at me through narrowed eyes.

“Just trying to inflict pain upon me as usual,” I dead panned, satisfied with the double meaning the word held. Melissa thought he was trying to trip me, while Carter and I both knew I meant the hearing loss and insanity gain I would incur by his forcing me to stay.

“Stop trying to hurt Ellis!” she giggled, slapping at him playfully.

“YEAH!” I grunted, finally freeing myself from Carter’s grasp.

***

“Let me just tell ya something!” Carter pointed a threatening finger at me as he strode over to my desk.

“If it doesn’t have something to do with Spanish I don’t want to hear it,” I tipped my book up to shield my face. I really needed to spend some serious time bonding with it, and hoping it will suddenly all make sense. That, and I knew the something Carter was going to tell me.

Carter ripped the book down from my face as he took the seat in front of me.

“HEYAY!” I shouted reaching for the book Carter had taken from my hands and placed on his desk. “I need that!”

“Espanol needs to waito.”

“Adding an o to English words doesn’t make them Spanish. It would be Espanol necesita esperar, for your information.”

“Yeah...I don’t care. What I want to know is why Melissa was all over me this morning and in Chemistry. I could barely light the Bunson Burner she was so all over me.”

“Maybe she just knows the teacher shouldn’t trust you with matches. Now if you please,” I began to reach around Carter to only have him restrain my attempts. “I must get back to my work.”

“No way. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Well, I’M trying to be a good student, while YOU a-”

“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!” he pounded his fist on my desk to make sure I knew he meant business.

“I’m going to tell Mac you’re being mean to me, and he’s not going to like it!” I stuck out my tongue before lunging for my book successfully.

Carter shot me a look as if to say “oh puh-leaze”.

“What? Do I really need to spell it out for you? I know you had a concussion last week, but I didn’t think you suffered THAT much brain damage.”

“Ellis.”

“She has a crush on you! There you happy now? Now if you’ll excuse me, I must read a story about a wolf, or a tie, or something like that!”

I would worry for Carter if we were near a bee hive, as his mouth seemed to hang open so wide it was as if his jaw was unhinged. 
 “I-I-I”

“Oh come on!” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not that bad.”

“But it is that bad!” he slammed his head down on the desk. “I think I’ve lost about half of my hearing already!”

“Mmmm, that statement about you and exaggeration still holds true. Just don’t be mean to her, okay?”

I didn’t like Melissa, but everyone has had experience with unrequited love. And everyone knows how much it sucks, but it sucks twice as much if the person is mean about it. And as much as I was annoyed by Melissa, I wouldn’t want anyone to feel the pain of a mean unrequited love.

“I’m not that much of a jerk.”

“That’s debatable but, Karma shines down upon those who are good.”

“Thanks Buddha.”