It's Not You. It's Me. And No! He is Not My Boyfriend!

Tonight was the night. The night of Winter Ball. Things were going to be crazy, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready. I stared at myself one last time as the door bell sounded. I smiled lightly, feeling that I had done a good job this formal dance.

“Ellis!” my mom called in a sing-song voice.

I picked up the trail of my Kelly green gown and stepped gingerly down the stairs. High heels and a long dress were not my friends to begin with, and the unsteadiness I felt in both did not make matters better. My tight lipped smile widened as my eyes rested on Mac. He looked very handsome in black suit and a shirt to match my dress. His eyes lit up brightly.

“Hi,” I greeted him timidly, color rising to my cheeks. I had to admit I was a little nervous even though I was used to being around Mac.

“Hey!” he handed me a bouquet of wild flowers, “You look beautiful,” he leaned down and lightly brushed my lips with his.

“Thanks,” I concentrated on the flowers I now held. “You look great too. These flowers are beautiful.”

“My mom helped me,” he grinned sheepishly.

“Come into the living room so we can take some pictures by the fire place!” my mothers voice echoed from the adjoining room.

We both rolled our eyes before we headed to be photographed. The one problem with these formal dances were all the pictures that needed to be taken. I felt like I was a doll on display for all the adults to show off how grown up I look.

***

“Wow this place is amazing!” Carmen gasped, twirling in the main entrance of the fancy hotel.

“They really out did themselves this time,” I smiled up at the chandelier that hung in the elaborate lobby.

“Shall we?” Mac held out his arm for me, which I took gracefully.

“Whoa!” I gaped at the huge room we entered. “They really did out do themselves,” the room had chandeliers twice as big as the one in the lobby, and the large windows were bordered by beautiful red velvet curtains.

“No wonder why the tickets were so expensive,” Mac chuckled leading us to our table.

“I want a dress made out of those curtains!” I ran to the closest one and rubbed the rich fabric in between my fingers.

Mac laughed, following closely behind, and wrapped me in a warm hug from behind.

“You would look amazing in a dress made out of curtain,” he kissed me on the temple.

“Thanks,” I turned to return the hug, taking in the scent of Mac’s cologne. The boy sure knew how to smell good. “Now I must go find out what everyone else is wearing!” I pointed a determined finger into the air, and headed towards the crowd of students milling about the entrance.

I wandered around giving and receiving compliments, taking in all the lavish dresses the girls wore and quietly giggling at the girls who were wearing the same dress as someone else.

“ELLIS!” I turned to find Melissa hobbling towards me, wearing a bright pink dress that looked so puffy it seemed impossible to sit in.

“Hey!” I greeted her as happily as I could.

“You look amazing!” she wrapped me in a bone crushing hug.

“Thanks you too!” I gasped for breath, hoping she would release me. “How are things with Matthew so far?”

“Great!” she squealed, bringing her voice down to a normal level. “He looks amazing! Carter is going to eat his heart out!”

“Good luck with that!” I giggled before turning to continue my rounds. I shook my head slightly, smiling towards the floor. Carter wouldn’t care if Melissa showed up with James Franco.

“Hey,” I snapped my head up to find myself standing in front of Carter and Caroline.

“Hey guys!” I smiled as widely as possible, resisting the urge to give Carter a hungry once over. He looked absolutely dashing in his black pinstripe suit.

“You look...good,” Carter nodded towards me stiffly.

“Thanks?” I flitted my eyes back and forth, “You...too.”

Caroline narrowed her eyes at me, tightening her grip on Carter’s arm.

“Oh my god Ellis!” she exclaimed, reaching a hand to my shoulder. “I almost bought that dress!”

“Cool?” I turned my head in confusion.

“Yeah, but it just really flattens everything out...if you catch my drift,” she stared down at her bust, which was busting out of the dress that confined it.

“Right,” I narrowed my eyes as she directed the two of them on.

“Flattens everything?” I mouthed to myself unsure of how anything could make Caroline look flat.

“You okay?” Mac touched my arm softly, noticing my confused expression.

“Oh,” I shook my head, bringing myself back to reality, “I was just...thinking about something.”

Mac rolled his eyes with a chuckle.

“Just have fun,” he advised, grabbing my hand and kissing it lightly.

“I will. I am,” I gave him a slight smile. My favorite part of the night was over. I finished getting ready and seeing everyone else’s dress. The rest of the time was just filler until Zimmerman’s after-party.

“Their starting to serve dinner,” Carmen stopped to inform us as she glided by.

“Let’s go,” Mac took my hand, and led me back to our table.

***

I nuzzled my nose into Mac’s neck as O-Town’s “All or Nothing” crooned overhead. Why the slow songs were always about breaking up never ceased to boggle my mind. It must’ve been some plot by the school to encourage abstinence. Depress our sex drives to death. I moved to stare up at Mac as he stared down at me, his eyes sparkling with overwhelming happiness. I had to admit, that I was actually having fun at the dance. Mac definitely deserved all the credit as he was really coming through on his promise to make it perfect night, and he had barely done anything. I smiled widely at him, knowing that just being with him made me happy.

“Are you having fun yet?” he bent his head forward to speak closer to my ear.

I nodded fervently in response, deciding to not try and scream over the music. I stood on my toes to give him a soft kiss on the lips before snuggling my head into his chest. Everything was turning out perfectly, until I lifted my head up the second time. It was then that I saw it.

It was exactly like a scene from some cruddy teenage chick flick. The poppy song had just reached it’s crescendo as my eyes rested upon Carter at the exact wrong them. I could only see his head, but it was busy making contact with Caroline’s, and not in the bumping foreheads way. He kissed her passionately, only to pull away with a satisfied smile on his face. I searched the crowd for Melissa and Matthew only to find them too wrapped up into each other to even notice the kiss. I noted to myself to pat myself on the back for setting that one up later. We made a perfect Isosceles triangle, and I knew my Geometry teacher would be happy that even though it felt like my heart was being squeezed until it exploded that I took the time to identify the shape we made.

“Hey,” Mac called my attention back to him, concern replaced his happy eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” I lied, placing a hand to my forehead and then my cheek. “I need some air,” I turned to leave the dance floor.

“I’ll come with,” Mac began to follow, but I put a hand on his chest to stop him.

“No. I’ll be fine. It’s cold out. I’ll be back soon,” I practically dashed from the room and onto the balcony that was attached at one side.

The cold air hit me like a ton of bricks, but I didn’t care very much. The only other people outside were the couples that were drunk enough to be numb to the cold. I cursed myself for not deciding to do the same. A lone tear fell as I stared out over the hotel grounds. It didn’t seem real until I saw Caroline and Carter kiss, but I knew he had moved on. I was mad at myself for not just giving him one more break. If I just took him back, I wouldn’t have been feeling this way. However, that just made me mad at myself for thinking like that. Carter wasn’t worth my time, and I was mad that I was letting him get to me.

“Ellis?” I turned quickly to find Mac staring at me. “You’ve been gone for a long time, so I wanted make sure you were okay,” his brow furrowed at my tear stained face. “Are you crying?”

“Uh yeah,” I smiled through the fresh batch of tears that rolled down my cheeks. “I hurt my ankle on the way out here.”

Mac’s expression softened as he gently brushed the tears from my face.

“Let’s get you inside,” he wrapped his arm around me, and led me back to our table.

“Your ankle doesn’t look swollen or anything,” he stated after inspecting the ankle I had claimed to twist.

“Oh.”

“Well, try and stay off it,” he stood up, kissing my forehead. “I’ll go get you some ice.”

And, then I felt bad for another reason. I sat pining after a boy who showed me how uncaring I could be, while I was with the perfect boyfriend. Mac didn’t deserve that. He was too good to me, and I could only give him half of myself. Sometimes O-Town really knew what they were talking about.