It's Not You. It's Me. And No! He is Not My Boyfriend!

"So?" Carter leaned against his locker uninterested.

"He kissed me!"

"And? Am I supposed to be upset or something?"

"Yes!" I threw my hands up in exasperation. "You're supposed to be my boyfriend!"

"I'm not the jealous type. Plus, no one is here to witness my jealousy, unless, now we're trying to kid ourselves."

"Good point."

"Of course. I made it."

"No wonder why there are no witnesses around here. Your head is too big for anyone else to fit in the locker room."

Carter laughed mockingly.

"Now if that was true, I wouldn't be able to stand because my head would be too heavy for my body."

"Why do I talk to you?"

"I don't know. Feel free to stop anytime.”

"Look!" I directed Carter's minimal attention to Matthew walking into the locker room with one of his cronies. "Matthew's here!"

"LIKE O-M-G!"

"I hate you!" I pushed him up against a locker.

"Look." I whispered harshly. "Go tell him off!"

"Are you crazy?"

"Yes. Hence why I chose you to be my fake boyfriend."

"I'm not going to tell Perkins off."

"Why not?"

"Because," Carter furrowed his brow and pouted.

"Aww is somebody scawed?" I cooed.

"No... YES! He's like on steroids!"

I wrapped my hands around Carter's biceps and squeezed.

"But look at all these muscles you have."

"Stop touching me! It burns!"

"Come on! Please! Girls love it when guys get jealous. Caroline will totally want you."

"Really?"

It was too easy.

"Yeah."

"Hmmm that just seems so false it has to be true!" Carter crossed his eyes and let his tongue fall out of his mouth. "I'm not an idiot."

"Could've fooled me. Just do it!" I held my knee within close range of Carter 'little Carter'. "Or suffer the consequence!"

"Okay! Okay! I'll do it!"

I brought my knee down and smiled smugly. It was just too damn easy.

"HEY PERKINS!" Carter screamed out to Matthew in the manliest voice he could manage. "WHAT'S THIS I HEAR ABOUT YOU AND MY...girlfriend?"

I nudged him for faltering on the last part. It ruins the whole tone if ‘girlfriend’ isn't as angry as the rest of the sentence.

Carter stepped forward ready to fight. Matthew stepped up. I looked through my hands. Whatever attractiveness Carter had was soon to be gone.

"I won't deny what happened," Matthew started very calmly. "And I feel really terrible about it. And, although I don't get what Ellis sees in you." he said through gritted teeth. "I can see she really likes you so I'm backing off."

I took my hands off my eyes and lifted one eyebrow in confusion. Just like that Matthew was giving up the fight? I was relieved and yet somewhat offended. I don't get one death match for my love?

"I wish you two happiness," Matthew unconvincingly stated before going back to join his friends.
"What just happened?" Carter said letting out the breath he was holding.

"I think we're off the hook!" I screamed in reply, taking Carter's hands in mine and proceeding to jump in circles with glee.

"People are looking at us."

"Yes, let us stop this."

We broke apart.

"How about a hug?" Carter held his arms open with his suggestion. "It's couple-y, and it doesn't make us look like mental patients."

I embraced Carter while saying, "It will take a lot more than not jumping in circles to convince people you’re not a mental patient."

"Shut up! I don't have to be your boyfriend anymore so punching is back in the game!"

"Wait we can't just go back to not dating. We need to plan a break up."

"Why is everything so complicated?" he whined.

"Because."

"Great answer."

"Thanks. How about we make it simple? You over react about the kiss thing. I can't take your jealousy. And, we're done in one big screaming match at lunch!"

“Sounds good," Carter agreed with a somewhat disappointed tone.

He was upset that he had to resort to physical pain in order to torture me again.