50 Myths That Could Ruin Your Life

Walking into my high school, the first thing you'd see is pink. Seriously. Pink and yellow. Blondes wearing pink.

It's everywhere.

After three years, though, you kind of get used to it. I ignored all the people in front of me and sped towards Miranda, who was at her locker.

“Hey,” I greeted her.

She turned to me, smiling. “Hey. How was your weekend?” She closed her locker door and began walking towards our class.

I fell in step next to her. “You know. Same old. What about yours?” I asked, stopping by my locker. I entered my combination into the lock, 23, 42, 8, and swung the locker door open. Just as I was reaching for my books, someone slammed into my locker, falling into the shelf. I snatched my hand away just in time.

It took me a second to recognize who the poor soul was. When I did, I rolled my eyes. Harris. The biggest nerd in school. Poor soul was always getting picked on by guys. I reached out a hand to help him out of my locker.

“Hey! He’s mine!” barked someone. I turned around to see Steve. Jock. Of course.

“Aw. Clingy but abusive. I think someone needs to work on their relationship issues. May I suggest a relationship counselor?” I asked sweetly.

Steve’s brows knit in confusion. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means, idiot,” Grant, another jock (just smarter), told him, “that she’s suggesting that you two are in a relationship.”

Steve growled and turned to me.

“Bad dog. Sit!” I commanded.

Miranda stifled a giggled.

“Shut up, bitch,” he told me.

“Go home and grab your dildo and make yourself feel better,” I retorted.

He looked flabbergasted for half a second. I took this opportunity to push Harris out of the circle, where he had been standing, silent, staring at us.

“Well—you—just, go home and kiss your mom like you do every night.” He finally came up with something to say back.

Myth #7: Girls are the only bitchy gender.

Not true. 1) They just have better comebacks, and 2) Guys are more of the I-hate-you-so-I’ll-hit-you type. Girls are the, I-hate-you-so-I’ll-talk-about-you-and-ruin-your-life type.

“Oh, a ‘your mom’ joke. How original. Does she use your dildo, too? I’m sure you’re much too small for her taste.” I stuck out a pinkie finger and winced.

Miranda couldn’t hold it in any longer. She burst out laughing, as did some of the idiots in front of us.

“Yeah? Well…” Steve focused his attention on Miranda. “Shut the hell up, you crazy bat bitch.”

Myth #8: Rumors are a girl’s only weapon.

Considering that after Steve’s statement, Miranda walked over, stomped on his toes (she likes to wear heels for a reason) and kneed him, the answer to that would be a no.

I laughed as Steve doubled over in pain, grabbed my books, slammed the locker shut, and walked with a very triumphant Miranda to class. “I’d say that’s a good start to any day,” I told her.

“I know!” She laughed. “I can’t believe you used to hang out with them.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh Lord, don’t even start. I can’t believe I used to date Grant.”

“At least you had the sense to date the smartest of all the idiots,” Miranda reminded me, grinning.

Very true.

I nodded and turned to enter my classroom. I took three AP classes, and the rest were honour classes. It was hard, sure, but it wasn’t like I had an appetite to get drunk and high every Friday instead of working on my projects so I can make something of myself.

“Hey, loser,” Liz sneered.

“Hey, Liz!” I greeted her. “Nice to see you back again so soon!”

“So soon after what?” she asked suspiciously.

“After going under the knife! I tell you, some people were worried after hearing you would be taking some off of here,” I motioned to my butt, “and putting it here.” I motioned to my chest. I looked her up and down. “But you know, I don’t think they took enough off. Still looks pretty big,” I whispered, patting my butt. I sat down in my seat and high fived Miranda.

Yeah, we high five.

Yeah, we’re lame.

Get over it.

I knew that my comment to Liz wouldn’t go unpunished, but I would be near her every opportunity she would have to say something.

Myth #9: Popular people are always stupid.

Not in this case. Liz is smart. My level-smart.

In fact…

We have every. Class. Together.

And she doesn’t even have to cheat.

The world can be a bitch, eh?