Innocence

At the funeral, Matt ended up showing up with the guys and other girls. Nowhere did I see his little slut. I was happy that he at least had the respect not to bring her here. He had been silent the whole time, staying back and letting Jimmy and Brian comfort me. Zack and Val were holding onto Momma, making sure she wouldn't collapse at any point.

I had stayed at the grave site even after people had left. Even though I knew the guys were waiting for me, I didn't want to go with them. I hated them seeing me like this. I rarely cried around them, and always tried not to. When I felt like I was, I would make up an excuse to get away from them.

"You aren't alone, Sweetie. You still have us, you know," I heard Papa Gates say softly as he stood next to me, coming out of nowhere.

"Then why do I feel so empty?" I whispered, feeling like if I talked too loud, I would disturb the piece.

"Maybe it's something else that is bothering you," he said, wrapping his arm around my waist. "He wouldn't want you to be feeling like this. He would want you to be celebrating his life, not grieving his death."

I lay my head on his shoulder, feeling more tears sting my eyes. When will they ever run out?! "How can I do that when I feel so horrible?"

"I know there are some great friends that are willing to help." He stroked my hair as he sneakily started walking me back to the cars. Damn bastard, how did he do shit like that? "If you let them, they can make things better for you. They can't make the pain disappear overnight, but they can help you get back to a normal-ish life. Just because your father has passed, doesn't mean you need to also. I'm not saying to forget him, but to live your life for him."

I was soon being passed off into Jimmy's awaiting arms. "It's okay," he whispered as I clung onto him. "You're going to be okay, I'll make sure of that."

For the next couple of days, Jimmy, Val and Brian had decided that they all wanted to stay with us. Janie of course was staying here already. Val, Janie and I usually slept in my bed, while the two boys took up the only guest room we had. It was a pretty interesting morning when Mom had gone to wake them up for breakfast and found them snuggled together.

"You know what? I think we should go camping," Jimmy said randomly as we were lying in my bed. I didn't move from it very much...

"What?" Val asked, giving him a questioning look at his randomness.

"That's a good idea. It'll get Manda out of the house for a while. Plus, we haven't gone camping in a long time," Brian said, agreeing.

"Then, we're going camping!" Jimmy yelled, jumping from the bed and running out the door.

"Be ready to go by eight tomorrow morning," Brian said, kissing my forehead and running out also.

I looked to Val for help. She just shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know what we're going to do with those boys. But you know you aren't going to get out of this, right?"

I groaned. "Why do I have to go? There's no point. I'll just be depressing everyone else, while they're trying to have a good time."

"No you won't, because we're going to make sure you have a good time, also." She smiled, patting the top of my head.

I simply rolled my eyes, knowing I wasn't going to get out of this mess. But, maybe it would be good. Who knows?

***

"Don't wake her up," I heard someone hiss.

"I just want to see if she wants some coffee while we're stopped. She'll go right back to sleep." Matt?

I moved a little, rubbing my eyes. When I opened them, I noticed that I wasn't in bed. No, I was lying across Zacky and Johnny. "Well hello lovely." Zacky smiled down at me, smoothing my hair out since my head was in his lap.

"Where are we?" I asked groggily.

"We're about to head up to Big Bear. You want anything while we're stopped to get gas?" Matt asked from the driver's seat. Why was it that he was always driving?

"I'm okay," I mumbled, sitting up properly between Johnny and Zack. I could see that Jimmy and Brian were in the car in front of us with all the camping gear.

"Are you sure?" He frowned. "I'm going to get some coffee and water. I'm going in anyways."

"Come on, Babe," Zacky said, opening his door and getting out, helping me out.

I sighed, letting him drag me out, knowing I had no choice. Looking down, I noticed that someone had properly dressed me before I was kidnapped. I pulled my hood up as I wrapped my arms around myself. Zacky saw my slightly shivering body and pulled me close to him. "Who dressed me and who packed my bag?" I asked, yawning. It was at least seven in the morning, and I wasn't used to waking up this early anymore.

"Val dressed you while Janie packed your bag. Don't worry, none of us boys touched your stuff."

I rolled my eyes. "It's not you that I'm worried about," I said, sending a side glance to Brian.

Zacky started laughing as Brian looked at us confused. "You guys are weird," he said, shaking his head.

When we got inside the small, gas station store, Matt went off for coffee, while the rest went off to the food. Typical guys. "What do you want, Manda?" Brian asked, looking through the food.

I shrugged from under Zacky's arms, looking down at the floor. I wasn't really in the mood to eat this early. I never was able to eat right after I woke up.

"I got it," Matt mumbled, coming out of thin air. He picked up the small package of donuts that he I liked, and a muffin. "You can save it for later," he said softly, before going to the register. I had to admit; it was kind of scary that he still knew me so well even after all these years...

"How did you guys even get a spot this late of notice?" I asked a while later as we made our way up the mountain.

"We have our ways," Johnny said, smirking.

I looked at him with wide eyes. "I don't want to know," I mumbled, shaking my head.

The rest of the ride was pretty quiet. Well, on my part, at least. The guys were carrying on their own conversation as I just sat there, watching the road. Every so often, they would try to bring me into the conversation, but I didn't really have anything to say.

When we got to the camp site, Matt had opened the back to the Escalade and had me sit on the back. I watched as the guys started setting up the tents and other things that they had brought along. I wanted to help, but they wouldn't let me. "Hungry yet?" Matt asked walking over to me.

I shrugged. "A little."

He smiled softly, before grabbing the muffin he had gotten earlier. "I'll leave it here if you want it. We can go get something if you get hungrier." I nodded, before he walked off again.

"So, am I going to be the only girl here?" I asked as Zacky grabbed my bag and headed towards one of the tents.

He nodded. "Val went to spend some time with her cousin who just had a baby, and Janie wanted to stay behind with your mom."

My stomach dropped. I suddenly felt horrible because I had just up and left my mom. I shouldn't be here; I should be at home with her.

"Hey, what is that look for?" Brian asked softly, stroking my cheek.

"I shouldn't be here," I said, shaking my head.

"Manda, you need this. You need to get out and get a little bit of fresh air for a while. This will be good for you," he said, trying to reassure me.

"But I just left my mom on her own! I should be there with her."

"Hey, look at me." He cupped my cheeks between his hands and forced me to look at him. "We asked her if she would be okay with Janie, and she said yes. She wanted us to get you out of the house. She said it would be good for you, and it is."

"But I feel so-"

"No." He cut me off, covering my mouth with one of his hands. "You are going to let go and have some fun out here. I don't care what it takes. I know it's hard for you right now, but you know your dad wouldn't want you grieving this long." He was right, but I felt so guilty.

I had a feeling that they were going to get me to try and get over this on this trip. But how can you expect someone to just get over something like this so quickly? There was no way. No way at all.

I was just afraid of what measures they were willing to take...