Innocence

Should I really be doing this? What's going to happen after?

That's what should have been running through my mind. Instead, my stupid hormones were bouncing off the walls and making me think differently.

I wanted him to think I was just as cool as everyone else we hung out with and not a little girl anymore. We've also been together long enough now, so why not take the next step?

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, panting slightly.

I closed my eyes as the warm breeze floated through the field of poppies and over our half naked bodies. "Yes," I whispered, opening my eyes again. "I want this."

"Are you sure?" At least he was thinking of me and not being selfish. I wasn't stupid, I knew Matt was experienced. Hell, all of the guys were, even most of the girls that hung around us! But the boys always tried to keep me sheltered from it, because I was still their 'Little Manda'.

Well, that ends today.

"Shut up and make your move, Sanders," I said, before smashing his lips back down on mine. He growled lightly and removed the remaining clothing we had on.

Afterward, we lay there for a few minutes, trying to catch our breath. I couldn't tell how I was feeling, everything was still numb. Matt's phone ringing is what brought me out of my zoning. "Aw fuck! I'll be right there." He started throwing on his clothes, almost falling twice because he was rushing.

"Where are you going?" I asked, trying to get my clothes back on too.

"I totally forgot about band practice," he sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"Oh," I mumbled, looking down at the ground.

"I'll call you when it's over, I promise," he said, kissing my forehead. "But I have to go." That's what all he said, before taking off, not looking back.

I sat there, in the field, feeling lonely and used. I gave him one thing I can't get back... And he acts like it was nothing.

I woke up, my breathing staggered and sweating from head to toe. "Mmm, what's wrong?" Brian muttered. Wait, Brian?

I sat up and looked around. Instead of being in mine and Matt's tent, I was in Zacky and Brian's. "How did I end up here?" I groaned, laying back down and pulling a blanket over my head.

"You tell us. All of a sudden I got up to take a piss around two in the morning, and you were curled up to Brian," Zacky mumbled, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. "Did you and Matt get into a fight or something?" He yawned.

I sighed, pulling the blanket off my face and getting up. It was still early in the morning, so I didn't expect anyone else to be up. Instead of going back to mine and Matt's tent, I went over to the fire pit and sat in one of the chairs.

"You never did tell me what was wrong," Brian said softly, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders and sitting in a chair next to me.

I shook my head, keeping my gaze on the still warm coals in the fire pit. "Just old memories popping up out of nowhere," I said, shrugging.

"What memories?"

"Ones that I could do without..."

He sighed, looking up at the sky. "I really wish you wouldn't let things get to you."

"I didn't say they were getting to me, Brian. I just had a bad dream that brought up some buried memories, that's all." I didn't mean to snap, but sometimes he just didn't understand.

"Why are you two up so early?" Jimmy grumbled as he stepped out of his tent, rubbing his eyes.

"Couldn't sleep," I said, getting up and going for my tent. I grabbed my shoes and a sweatshirt, before throwing them on.

"Where are you going?" Jimmy asked, looking a little more awake now.

"For a walk, I need to think about some things." Him and Brian both went to get up, but I held my hand out. "Alone."

I knew they didn't want me going off on my own, but I really needed my alone time right now. I just needed to clear my head a bit.