Innocence

It’s been a few days since we got back from our camping trip, and I haven’t seen or heard from Matt. He’s staying away from me and vice versa. The guys aren’t too happy with us, to say the least. They thought things were finally looking up, well, they weren’t alone.

“What are you still doing in bed?” Janie asked, pulling the covers off of me. “You have two minutes to get your ass up and down stairs, before I send someone up to get you.”

“I don’t feel in any way threatened by your comment,” I mumbled into my pillow.

“It was not a comment, it was a threat!”

“An empty one…”

“That’s it! Jimmy!” I screamed and flipped out of my bed. “Oh, now how isn’t scared?” She asked her hands on her hips.

“You called me?” Jimmy asked, busting through the door. I could just hear the evil grin in his voice. I tried staying under the blankets I had pulled off the bed with me and kept still. Maybe if he didn’t see me, he would leave…

“She’s no listening,” Janie told him.

He fake gasped. “My little Mandie, it is time to get up! We must not sleep the day away!” When I didn’t move or say anything, he sighed. “Aright, you asked for it.”

I was suddenly being picked up and slung over his shoulder, blankets and all. “James! Put me down!”

“Are you going to walk on your own?”

“No…”

“Then, no, I won’t.” He started down the stairs and I could hear voices in the living room. “Sunshine is now up!” He announced, before dropping me.

I heard laughing before the blanket was pulled off my head. “Good morning!” Brian chirped, smirking at me.

“Love what you’ve done with your hair,” Zacky laughed, messing it up even more. I just glared at him.

“Ass,” I grumbled, trying to flatten my hair out, but knowing it was no use.

“You need to go get ready, Missy,” Brian said, patting my leg.

“Why?”

“Because! We’re having a beach day!” Jimmy smirked.

“I don’t feel like drinking today,” I groaned.

“What bird brain is trying to say, we’re going to go soak up some sun and have fun.”

“You sound like a bunch of kids,” I said, shaking my head.

“What’s the difference?” I heard Val mumble.

“Hey!” They all whined in unison.

“My point proven,” she said, laughing.

“She is so mean to us,” Brian sniffled, burying his face in Zacky’s shoulder.

Val sighed. “Come on, Chick. Let’s go get changed.” She grabbed me and walked me back up stairs.

Can’t we ever have a normal morning?

“So, are you ready to talk about it?” Janie asked as we sat on our beach towels, watching the guys play with a football.

“Talk about what?”

She sat up to look at me. “Don’t give me that shit, Manda. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Something happened on that camping trip, please just talk to me about tit.”

“It’s complicated, Jan.”

She looked at me for a few seconds, before shaking her head. “Wow, after being through everything with each other these last four years, you still say that? Nice.” Before I could respond, she stood up and walked over to the boys. “Hey! Throw that over here!” She said, heading into the game with them.

Zacky looked over and noticed that I was suddenly by myself. He frowned and walked over, plopping down next to me. “What’s up, Missy? You look torn.”

I shrugged. “Just thinking,” I muttered.

“Do you want to get some things off your mind?”

“Not really.”

He sighed. “Manda, you know if you keep things bottled up, they will never get fixed.”

“I don’t think they’ll ever be fixed, Zack.”

“Not if you have a negative attitude like that.” I gave him a wary look. “Don’t give me that look. Start talking.” He lay there, waiting for me to start talking. I knew he wasn’t going to go anywhere until I started talking, but he also wasn’t going to push me.

“I’m just confused,” I muttered after a few minutes of silence; I was surprised he even heard me.

“What are you confused about?” He asked, propping his head up so he could look at me.

“I want to be with him, I really do, but…”

“You’re afraid of what could happen,” he finished for me. I just looked at him and nodded. He sighed, shaking his head. “You can’t let that hold you back. The past is the past, where it’s going to stay.”

“But that doesn’t mean it didn’t leave scars.”

“Which healed in time?”

“And still leave a reminder every day.”

“It’s a reminder that you learned from and live by to this day.”

I laughed softly, shaking my head. “We sound like lyrics to a song.”

He shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a rock star and you’re a writer. It just comes naturally to us.” I shook my head, staring up at the sky. This man was so random. “I don’t know what to tell you that would help, Manda. I know how confusing and complicated your mind can be, so it’s kind of hard to give you advice because you usually don’t take it.”

“Gee, thanks,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“You know I didn’t mean that in a bad way.” He moved over so he could wrap his arm around my shoulders. “What I really want to tell you is forget him and find a new man. But I know it’s not that easy for you. No matter what, Matt will always hold a place in your heart.”

Unfortunately

“Hey, Shads! We were wondering when you were going to show up,” Johnny said, tossing the ball to Jimmy, who wasn’t paying attention, and hit him in the side of the head.

“Sorry, I had to pick Elizabeth up.” That’s when all of our focus snapped to the petite girl by his side. And yes, I say girl, because she looks like she can barely even be seventeen. She smiled and waved to everyone.

“I don’t like her. She seems too innocent,” Val grumbled, plopping down next to Zacky and me.

Zack started laughing. “You just don’t like her because she isn’t Amanda.”

“So?” She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“So, you’ll find anything wrong with her no matter what.”

“Whose side are you really on, Zachary?” She asked, glaring over at him.

“On Manda’s, of course, but I still have to point out the obvious,” he snickered, dodging her fist.

I had pretty much zoned out on the two bickering and focused on Matt. He was a great actor when it came to hiding his emotions and true feelings. I could tell by his body language that he wasn’t being real with her right now.

His body was a tense, not noticeably towards the others, but to me. He was like that only when he was around someone he couldn’t let his guard down around. He kept her in a distance to make it seem like he wasn’t avoiding her, but he wasn’t exactly getting too close to her either.

“I’m going to go for a walk,” I said softly and standing up. I pulled my clothes back on and headed off in a random direction.

No, I wasn’t trying to run from my problems. I just didn’t know how to feel. He was all over me just a week ago and now he has a new girl? True, I had sent him mixed signals and pushed him away, but still!