Innocence

"So what have you been up to, Manda?" Jimmy was the first to ask.

I shrugged. "Went to school and got a degree in Literature. Now I'm back here."

"I always knew you'd go in that direction," Zacky said, taking a drink of his beer.

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"No, not all," he sputtered.

I laughed, shaking my head. "Still the same Zacky."

He just glared. "And still the same Manda."

"That's what everyone thinks," I mumbled, not intending anyone to hear it. "So, Momma, Suzy, you guys need any help in the kitchen?" I asked, just wanting to get out from under His gaze.

"No, you just go ahead and relax,” Suzie said as her and Mom disappeared into the house.

"Amanda, we've heard so much about you from the guys. They seriously can't shut up about you sometimes," Gena, Zacky's girlfriend, laughed. "But, I think we should hear more about you from yourself."

"Michelle and Val know me. They can fill you in," I said, smiling softly, not really wanting to talk about myself.

"I see that shyness never really did go away," Jimmy said, smirking. I just flipped him off. "Time, place and how hard, Baby."

I took my flip flop off and threw it at his head. "James Owen! Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself."

"I like how you say my name like that," he said, winking.

I looked over at Leana. "You better keep a leash on him."

She smirked. "Don't worry, I do."

"Kinky!" Johnny said, before we all busted up laughing.

"Sadly, I don't think she's kidding," Michelle said.

The sound of my dad coughing made me snap out of our little laughter. I stood up and grabbed him a Kleenex. When I saw the blood in the tissue, it took everything in me not to break down. Mom had said something about this happening every so often, but it didn't really hit me until I saw it.

"Thanks, Baby," Dad mumbled.

"You're welcome, Daddy," I said, before going to throw it away.

No one else had noticed. I don't think they knew everything that was going on. It was so typical of my father to try to act tough until he couldn't anymore. He didn't want anyone thinking he was weak.

As I walked around the side of the house and to the front, I was stopped. "I see you finally decided to show your face again." His voice sent shivers down my spine.

"What do you want, Matt?" I mumbled, looking at the ground.

"Well, to start off with, I want to know why you haven't shown up here for the last four years. Do you know how heartbroken your parents were? Or what about everyone else? Did you even care that you left them behind? Do you know how selfish you were?"

"Please, not right now, Matt. I really don't need to be lectured by you right now." I could already feel the tears sliding down my face, but I didn't lift my gaze.

"Why now, Amanda? Why show up now?"

That's all it took to set me off. "Maybe because my father is dying!" I shouted, glaring at him. I could see the shock in his eyes as I covered my mouth, trying to keep the sobs back. "I'm sorry that it's so horrible that I came back. Don't worry, as soon as I'm done being needed here, I'll be out of your hair."

He tried reaching for me. "Manda-"

"Don't, Matt." I snapped, pulling away from him. "Just leave me the hell alone. You're pretty good at that," I said, before walking back to where everyone was.

"Oh! I'm the one that's good at it?!" He wasn't going to leave this alone...

"Go to hell," I hissed, grabbing my flip flops and shoving them onto my feet.

"Manda? What's going on?" Zacky asked, being the first to stand up.

"Nothing, I just need to go," I said, shaking my head.

"Go ahead and run! That's what you do best!" Matt said, throwing his hands in the air.

Before I thought, I just picked the bottle of beer up that was closest to me and chucked it at him. It shattered against the wall that was right behind his head. "Shut up, Matthew!" I screamed, finally losing against my struggle with my anger. "I don't feel like dealing with your shit right now!"

I ran for the front door, despite them calling my name and the guys going off on Matt.

This is just one of the reasons I had left in the first place...