Arranged

Before anyone knew it, Christmas vacation rolled around. Everyone was on edge, though. Well, everyone but Sade and Joshua. They were so happy it hurt to look at them for too long. But, where everyone else was concerned, things were strained.
Nessa still hadn’t had a normal conversation with Shade yet. She had, however, told him about the promise she’d made with Rhone, but had also explained that there was no way in hell she was keeping it after what had happened. As Christmas had loomed closer, Shade had become more agitated and ever quieter. It bothered Nessa almost as much as it pissed her off.
This was getting ridiculous, but she was going to prove him wrong and make it there on time. Screw Rhone. He was the whole reason she was even in this mess.
Nessa sighed as she dried her hair, standing in the bathroom in nothing but her underwear and bra. No matter what, she had to get to Shade’s by seven. Joshua had been there since this morning, helping them set up for the party that Sade was throwing with the new friends he’d made at school. Joshua had definitely been a good influence, but it meant Nessa had to borrow one of Rhone’s cars.
Nessa ran her hands through her hair and then slipped the royal-blue dress she’d bought with Joshua and Sade a few days ago, hooking the wide, black leather belt across her midsection. She loved the little skull and crossbones that were scratched into it. After slipping on and buckling her heels, she made sure everything was in place, grabbed her jacket, and left the room.
She wasn’t even halfway down the stairs when Jay caught her. He was flushed and excited.
“Nessa!” he exclaimed, grabbing her hand. “You’re not going to believe what I’ve done. It’s going to blow your mind.”
She frowned, suspicious, and looked down at her watch. It took fifteen minutes to get to town. That meant she had ten to spare.
“I have to leave soon, Jay,” she told him as he dragged her down the stairs and towards one of the sitting rooms. “I can’t stay much longer.”
“You might not be saying that in a few seconds,” he said with a smile, stopping in front of a door. He took her hands, his look serious. “I wanted to do something for you. Something only I can do.”
Nessa narrowed her eyes on him. “Jay. . . You’re scaring me. What have you done?”
He just smiled and reached out to open the door.
More curious than cautious, she stepped inside and saw that, near the far window, a tall woman stood with her back to them. Her graying, light-brown hair was cut short and long earrings glittered along her long neck. Her dress was black, sleek and obviously expensive. A fur coat was draped over the back of a nearby chair and Nessa smelled perfume. A very familiar perfume.
Her heart beating double time, Nessa took a step closer and the woman jerked, hearing her. When she turned, her regal face stern, Nessa gasped in shock, stumbling backwards.
”M-Mom?”
Finally, the woman’s red-painted lips creased in a small smile and Nessa knew she wasn’t wrong. A thousand questions ran through her mind, tripping over each other to try and form on her lips, but no sound came out.
“It’s been a while,” her mom said. “We have some catching up to do, don’t we, Vanessa?”
Frustration, anger, despair, betrayal and a millimeter of happiness all bubbled up inside her at once. All those years her aunt had been telling her she’d been unwanted, abandoned, and Nessa had refused to believe it, thinking her mother somehow didn’t have the means to take care of her. Now, with the answer staring her in the face - with the obvious realization that her mother could have come and gotten her at any time - Nessa could only think of one thing to do: She opened her mouth and screamed, knowing no one - not ever her mother - would hear or care.



“She’ll be here,” Sade assured his twin, eying the people chatting and dancing to the pounding music. He’d never had this many friends before and he was ecstatic, but Shade was dampening the mood.
“She’s late,” Shade grumbled. Sade had to strain to hear him, but he knew that if Shade starting yelling for any reason, he was going to lose it.
“Try and relax,” he tried again, more worried than before, but trying not to show it. “It’s our birthday, after all.”
Shade sighed, but offered a smile before sinking back into the couch and ticking the minutes off on his watch.
Sade had to admit, Nessa was never late to anything on a regular day, and this was important, so something must have happened. Something big enough to keep her away.
He just hoped it wasn’t something in the form of a guy. For her sake as much as for Shade’s.



“Are you finished?” Vanessa asked, tired.
“Why now?” Nessa demanded, shoving the glass of water Jay offered her away. Her throat was raw from screaming her head and heart out, but she was too pissed and bitter to drink anything non-alcoholic at this point. “Why did you come now?”
Vanessa had sat down and she crossed her legs, sighing. “Jay obviously found me. When he called and told me where you were, I figured I might as well drop by.” She smirked. “You’ve done well, Vanessa.”
“My name,” she gritted, “is Nessa.” Her fists were clenched at her sides, her body so stiff it ached, and she ignored Jay as he watched her, confused.
“You name is Vanessa,” her mother said coldly. “Like me.”
Nessa laughed bitterly, surprising them. “Good God, how could I have not listened to everyone? They all said the worst things about you, but I thought - I believed that you would come back for me one day. That you hadn’t abandoned me.” Her insides grew cold. “I can see now that they were right.”
Vanessa waved a hand as if her daughter’s feelings meant the same as a fly buzzing in her ear. “Oh, hush. Just look at you. You’ve done well enough on your own. Besides, I wasn’t going to care for a child. I was never the mothering type - that was always Sylvia’s territory. Oh, but she was so bitter when she found she couldn’t have children. I suppose it didn’t exactly make her feel sisterly love when I pawned you off on her.”
“Love?” she mocked. “Love?! It was hell! My room was a closet. I couldn't go anywhere, do anything. I was treated like a slave!”
Vanessa merely smiled, spreading her hands to encompass the room. “And just look where you are now. You’re a regular Cinderella. You married yourself a fine prince, I hear, as well.” She crossed her arms. “Of course, that part was my doing, really. But you seem well enough off. I hear Rhone is a real looker. Quite famous, too. You should be happy to have a husband like that.”
“I’m not like you!” Nessa shouted.
“And yet,” Vanessa countered, “you’re married, rich, and have a lover on the side. Seems to me we’re an awful lot alike.”
“Nessa,” Jay said in a quiet voice. “You’re married?”
Nessa rounded on him, starting to shout that now was not the time, but the broken look on his face cut her off, knocking the breath out of her. When he obviously got an answer from her silence, he spun on his heel and left the room, his footsteps loud and angry. She heard the kitchen door slam, echoing through the house and she rounded on her mother.
“My, my,” Vanessa chided. “Did I guess wrong? Jay wasn’t a lover on the side?” She clucked her tongue at her daughter. “You should never keep potential boyfriends in the dark. Especially not ones like Jay. He chased you all the way here for nothing.”
Nessa was fuming. She wanted to rant and rave and punch, kick and scream, but she didn’t have time for that. So, through clenched teeth, she straightened her back and said, “Get your things and get out. I never want to see you again. It shouldn’t be a problem since you were absent for the last decade.”
Vanessa sighed and stood. “Fair enough.” She grabbed her coat. “I have a party to get to anyway.”
Not waiting to show her out, Nessa turned and ran out through the kitchen’s back door, hissing when she hit the cold air and her shoes sank into the snow. She didn’t stop, however, and her breaths came out in white puffs as she ran after Jay, shrugging on the jacket she’d so painfully gripped for the past half-hour. Damn it, she didn’t have time for this, but neither could she just let Jay walk off like that.
She grabbed his arm just as he went past the barn, panting and dragging him to a stop. “Caught. . . you . . .” she huffed. She straightened from where she’d been bending over to catch her breath and a small sound escaped her. “Oh, Jay. . .” She reached up and wiped his wet cheeks, her own eyes welling for him. She should have told him sooner. She should have told him in the beginning. Damn, she was such a bitch. “Don’t cry. I’m not worth it.”
“I thought that we could start over,” he said miserably, the moonlight playing shadows on his face. “I thought that even if you had a boyfriend I could steal you back, but I never even had that chance. Not ever. Not if you’re married.” He slammed his fist against the barn wall and the horses inside whinnied in protest. “Why?!” he demanded. “Why didn’t you tell me? Did you enjoy watching me chase after you? Did you get a kick out of the way I begged and pleaded for you to give me any of your attention?”
Nessa shook her head furiously. “No. God, no. Why would you even think that?”
He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. “Then tell me the fuck why!” His voice echoed off the trees and a flock of birds clamored into flight, startled by the noise.
Nessa swallowed, willing herself not to cry. How could she? She had no right to cry for him. It was her fault, it was her mess, and she had no right.
“How could I?” she told him quietly, trying to stop the tremble in her voice. "After everything we went through before, and after you came here to find me, what was I supposed to say? How could I hurt you the same way you hurt me? I couldn’t do it.” She took a deep breath. “I was a coward.”
Making a disgusted sound, he shoved away from her and walked a few steps away. His back to her, he raised his face to the night sky and, with obvious effort, tried to control his emotions. Nessa waited in silence, ready to take whatever he dished out.
After a few minutes, he said quietly, “I loved you, Nessa. I really did.”
Her voice was just as miserable as his sounded when she answered. “I know. I did, too.”
He turned and, though his eyes held pain, at least they were dry. He took her hand, staring at it as he rubbed his thumb over the back. “I wanted a life, a family - everything.”
“So did I,” she admitted.
He let out a bitter, but soft, laugh. “I would have given you anything you asked.” Finally, he looked at her. “What am I supposed to do now?”
She swallowed and did the one thing she could do for him: she told him the truth.
Taking her hand from his, Nessa stepped back. It was one of the hardest things she had ever done. “You do what I did when you left: you pick up the pieces and move on. And you live, Jay. Maybe tomorrow or next year, you’ll be happy again.” Quietly, she added, “I want you to be happy.”
He let out a breath, nodding and shoving his hands in his pockets. “Yeah. . . Yeah.” He looked back up at the sky and she knew he’d already made up his mind to go. “I’ll miss you, Nessa.”
“I know,” she whispered. “I’ll miss you, too.”
When he had left back to the house, cutting off the stream of light from when Nessa had left the door open, Nessa wondered how long she’d been standing in that spot. Her feet were numb and her hands were freezing; She couldn’t feel her nose anymore. And, though the knowledge that she’d never see Jay again killed the hope that somehow they might have been able to remain in each other’s lives somehow, she didn’t allow herself to cry. Instead, she gathered up what strength she had left and made her way to the car.



Shade had long given into the jealousy and anger that lined the pit of his stomach. It had been building while he waited for Nessa, but Sade’s party was well over and it was closing in on ten-thirty. He was done waiting. She’d promised to be here by seven. She had told him to trust her.
But she hadn’t called saying she was stuck in traffic, or that maybe her car had broken down. She hadn’t text saying she’d had a cold or that she’d be late because of some girl issue he wouldn’t understand. He’d stared at his phone all night and not once had it gone off.
What could she be doing? Who was she with? What was she doing with whoever she was with? Was she with Rhone? Or Jay? Or maybe some other guy? Was she hurt, or laughing, or had she just plain forgotten about him? What was going on?!
Shade didn’t know how many times he’d run through these questions in his head, but when the doorbell rang at 10:37, he’d made up his mind.
“Shade!” Nessa exclaimed, pushing past Sade to stand before him in the living room. He hadn’t bothered to move all night and he wasn’t going to now. “I’m so sorry,” she told him. Her voice was strained and hoarse, as if she’d been yelling, but he didn’t care. Or he tried not to.
He tried not to notice that she looked amazing in her dress or that her hair was frazzled or her feet and nose were pink from the cold. He tried not to see the loss and disillusionment behind the panic in her eyes. And, to be honest, he found it all rather easy to ignore as long as he concentrated on his anger.
“I tried to get here as fast as possible,” she started. “But-”
He raised a hand, standing and cutting her off. “I don’t want to hear it, Nessa. There’s no excuse you can give me that can fix this.”
“But if you would just listen-”
“No!” he shouted and she flinched. He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t look at her. Heartbreak made his chest hurt. It felt like it was caving in, but enough was enough. “I’m tired of this - of us. I’m tired of waiting around for you and of being second-best. I’m tired of always having to compete for your attention.” He scrubbed a hand across his face, his emotions raw. “Jesus, Nessa, I’m your boyfriend. I shouldn’t have to compete for any part of you.”
“But you never had to,” she warbled and, God, didn’t that make him feel like a jackass? But he’d drawn the line and she’d crossed it. He had to enforce his own rules.
“You say that,” Shade told her, “but it’s not true. You know it isn’t.” He sighed heavily. “I just. . . I can’t do this anymore. Us. Whatever this is.” He waved a hand between them as if to encompass their whole relationship in a small gesture. “I can’t keep sitting here waiting for you and wondering the whole time who you’re with or what you’re doing. I can’t function that way.”
She took a trembling breath and he steeled himself as her eyes filled. Surprisingly, her voice was steady, almost empty, as she asked, “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, Nessa,” he told her with a finality he had to force, “that we’re through. This is the end for us.”