Pull Me From This Hole

"I love you, Marissa."

"I love you too, Johnny."

"Will you always love me?"

"Of course I will Johnny. Why would you even ask that?"

"I just don't feel like we're as close now as we used to be."

"There's nothing going on, if that's what you're trying to say! God!"

"Um, calm down. I wasn't trying to say anything. It was just a question, so sorry I even said anything."

"Kay, well call me sometime, but not tonight. I'm going out with the girls later."

"Okay... bye?"

After she left I just laid in my bed thinking. I just don't feel that connection with her that we used to have. I feel like, maybe, she's only with me because I'm a famous musician. It makes me sad because I used to think that maybe she was the one, and it makes me mad because what if she doesn't really love me for me, what if there's some other guy? I don't know what I'd do if that were the case, but I'm probably just over analyzing things.

I could hear my phone ringing, so I turned over and reached for it on my night stand. I grabbed it and looked at the caller id which showed that it was Matt calling. I picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Johnny, it's Matt. Me and the guys are gonna go out tonight, wanna come?"

"I guess. What time should I be there?"

I didn't ask where we were going, 'cause we always go to the same place.

"Seven."

"Kay, see ya then."

"Bye."

I had three hours 'til I had to go meet the guys, and had nothing to do, so I just laid down and went to sleep.

When I woke up I went to go take a quick shower before I left. When I was done in the shower I left to go to the bar.

When I got there, I went inside to go find the guys. I saw they all already had a drink so I went straight to the bar to get one for myself. I got my beer and then went and sat down between Jimmy and Brian.

"What's wrong, Johnny boy?" Brian asked

"It's Marissa. You guys don't wanna hear it and I don't wanna talk about it."

"Well are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just drop it."

"I'll be back." I said and went up to the bar to get a round of shots for everyone. When I came back to the table, they all cheered and we all took the shots.

"I'm gonna go take a leak, I'll be back." I said

As I was walking to the bathroom I saw some guy who looked kinda familiar. I think it was Marissa's ex. He looked like he was waiting for somebody.

"Hey Brian, is that Marissa?"

"I think it is Shadows. Who's that guy she's with?"

"Shit, I don't know, but we better get outta here before Johnny sees and kills someone."

When I came out of the bathroom the first thing I saw was Marissa with that guy. Matt noticed that I saw them and came running over. It was like he could read my mind and tell that I was about to kill this guy.

Matt held me back and Marissa saw.

"We're over." is all I said just loud enough for her to hear and walked out on my own.

When I walked outside, I lost it. I was throwing my arms around, hitting the wall, screaming, and cursing.

"That stupid fucking lying whore! Piece of shit, bitch! I'm so fucking stupid! How could I have trusted her! She's just been using me this whole time!" I screamed and noticed that Jimmy, Brian, Matt and Zacky were all standing there, listening to me.

"Come on, Johnny, it'll be okay. She's not worth it. Let's go home." Zacky said, trying to comfort me, but I was way too pissed off.

They finally got me to calm down, as much as I was going to anyway, and we all went back to my place. I knew that they were only coming to make sure I didn't do anything stupid.

When we first got to my house, I just yelled for a little bit about how much I hated her, and how much I hated myself for trusting her, then I immediately started drinking.