So Easy To Love

Surprisingly enough things weren't as awkward as I had expected the next morning. It might've had something to do that Bring Me the Horizon was one of the very first bands to be playing that morning, thus having everyone wake up way too early after a particularly trying night, but I was really trying to look on the bright side of things. I made a huge pot of coffee and then exited the bus swiftly, Tom by my side, doing my best to avoid awkward conversation. Tom and I made our way to the stage quietly both of us unsure of exactly how to start a conversation.

After I left the back lounge everyone, minus Oliver of course, sat in the front of the bus pretty silently. Everyone, minus me, nursed a few beers. And then everyone, minus Tom, Josh, and I, went to bed around two in the morning. I finished cleaning up Tom and Josh's shirts, though the blood stains were still slightly visible, made sure Josh's nose wasn't broken, and then laid in my bunk until my alarm went off. I wasn't sure if I had actually fallen asleep, or if I had just sat there in a daze all night. Either way, I wasn't tired when I finally hauled myself out of my bunk and saw Oliver sitting quietly at the kitchen table. His hands were neatly folded in front of him as he looked straight ahead. It was eerie to see him so subdued, even if it was so early in the morning, so I asked him if he wanted some coffee and he just nodded. After I had woken everyone else up and Flip walked off to set up the merch tents Tom and I silently agreed to go and tech all of the instruments and leave everyone to their own vices. Hopefully they would get a conversation going and rid of most of the uncomfortable tension before they started their set.

Not to my surprise Tom was the one to start up the conversation when we finally reached the stage. He didn't do well with awkward silences and I think our walk was enough quiet for him for the day.

"So 'ow awkward do yeh fhink the set's gonna be taday?" He asked, smirking. I wasn't exactly sure why he was smirking, like he thought it was all some big joke, but I didn't press the issue.

"I dunno," I shrugged simply.

"Oh come on!" He nudged me in the ribs as we both carried Matt's drum set onto the stage.

The doors had just opened and kids were beginning to leisurely trickle into the large parking lot where the show was taking place that day. After a few of them lingered at the giant blow up schedule some of them slowly meandered toward the stage, pressing themselves against the barricade and then letting their eyes wander up towards Tom and I. I noticed a few girls whisper amongst themselves and then point at Tom and I, but I only paid them attention for a few seconds before directing it back towards my best friend.

"You were the one who punched him," I said in a low voice, as if the kids could hear me. "If anything it'll be awkward for you two. And Josh. I guess that means he's not singing The Sadness with them today. And I guess Oliver's not gonna play The Consequence with them," I sighed. "All because of me."

"Fuck off," Tom made a face at me. "Oli's tha fuckin' prick who started all this," he waved his arms around widely. I stared at him blankly, focusing on his fat lip and busted up mouth. It was randomly cut up and more red than usual. Last night it didn't look all too bad and I hoped it would go mostly unnoticed today but I was sure that would be nearly impossible. Tom's lips weren't very rosy to begin with and now they looked like he had just eaten a cherry ice pop. And it was my fault no matter what Tom, or anyone else for that matter, said.

"Tom, shhh!" I instructed him, sending a nervous glance towards the forming crowd at the stage. Tom knitted his eyebrows together in confusion and then followed my eyes, laughing noisily when he realized what I had been referring to.

"Do yeh really fhink they care?" He asked.

"Yes," I stated plainly. He looked pensive for a minute and then shrugged as he took his seat at Matt's drum set, sticks in hand.

"Yer probably right," he shrugged. "But who cares?"

"Me," I said. "Obviously."

"Well I don't," he laughed, tapping on each of the drum heads a few times and then playing a few simple beats.

"Clearly," I rolled my eyes.

We continued to work for the next 15 minutes in mostly silence, only speaking when need be, and Tom only throwing out a few random comments when he saw a "hot bird" in the audience. And I would laugh along with him, but as the set time got closer I grew more and more nervous. Not because I was afraid of seeing Oliver and even hearing what he might have to say to me, but because I didn't want to be single handedly accountable for ruining their set. I wasn't okay with ruining their personal lives, but when it came to their band and their fans that was something I don't think I could deal with fucking up.

The guys all arrived right on time and lingered around next to the stage until the band on the other main stage finished their set up and they were allowed to get on their own stage. Jona was first to the stage, followed closely by Kean, Lee, and then Matt. Oliver was last to the stage, as always. Right before he walked out he looked at me in such a way that I just sort of froze in place. He didn't seem angry, or even annoyed with me, he just seemed...sad. And that was something I wasn't used to seeing Oliver like. Sorrow was an emotion I rarely saw him portray. Even when Amanda had cheated on him, I think he was only upset for a few hours before his fury overtook any other emotion suspended around in his head. But the way his honey eyes just looked so comatose, well, it scared me if I'm being frank. I hadn't even grasped that his eyes had left mine until I heard him shouting the opening to Diamonds Aren't Forever and Tom nudged me.

"Wha' that bloody 'ell was tha' about?" He shouted over the music.

"I dunno," I said, my voice dry. I continued to stare at the spot Oliver had been in for a few more seconds before finally snapping out of it and glancing over at Tom quickly. He was adjusting the strap to his camera which securely hung around his neck. When he caught sight of me gazing at him he sent me a small smile, his newly scabbing lips cracking slightly and causing a small trickle of blood to leak from his bottom lip. He quickly licked it clean before drawing his lip into his teeth and doing his best to smile at me that way.

"I'm gonna try 'n take some photos!" He yelled out to me. I just nodded, not really wanting to strain my voice to have him barely hear my one word response. He just grinned goofily, the blood no longer seeping from his skin, and made a running start to the photo pit. I wasn't sure why he had decided to take pictures on that particular day, after everything that had happened and all, but I didn't even get the chance to ask. I just let my eyes follow Tom as he scurried down to the photo pit, looking extremely awkward and out of place amongst the teenage girls wearing dresses and fedora hats. And I just couldn't help but giggle lightly at the sight.

Ian walked up behind me a few moments later, and I didn't get all too scared astonishingly. It mostly had to do with the fact that never in my whole four years of touring with Bring Me the Horizon I had ever heard Oliver's screaming so brutal, and I was just sort of mesmerized. It rivaled the show post break-up with Amanda but I was actually a bit scared he was going to seriously injure his vocal chords. In-between songs Ian gave my back a short pat and I gazed up at him, my eyes far away and unfocused.

"'e's always been bad wiff dealin' wiff things like this," Ian told me. "When 'm and Tom were kids 'e'd always be tha one ta throw a tempa tantrum if 'e didn' get 'is way," he smiled dotingly at the memory, though I wasn't sure why. "'e'll come 'round eventually."

I just gave him a very forced half smile and he smiled back, the sides of his eyes crinkling. The fact his smile seemed so genuine made a real smile spread across my own face and he just chuckled as he watched me smile goofily at him. We watched the set together, my eyes going wide with both a mix of alarm and dreadfulness as Josh walked out on stage to sing The Sadness Will Never End, just like he always did. I merely stood there, my mouth agape as I watched Oliver and Josh sing together like nothing had gone wrong the night before.

Oliver's face was only slightly inflamed and just beginning to bruise, but Josh looked like he had gotten into a bar fight. His nose was both bruised and busted looking. A bit of dried blood still lingered on the bottom of his nose and I wondered if it had started to bleed again when he finally left the bus. If it did, he hadn't bothered to clean himself up very well before leaving the bus. My eyes were frenzied as they moved back and forth between Oli, Josh, and then sometimes even flickering to Tom. I wondered what people thought. I wondered if they knew they had done this to each other, or rather, that Oliver did most of the damage. And then I wondered what they would say. I wondered about all the rumors that would be spread across the internet, what kind of slander I would read later that night when I decided to troll around the internet. And then I despairingly looked out into the audience and realized that none of them seemed to care. Sure there were a few girls hanging along the barricade staring intently at both Oliver and Josh's faces, but I wasn't sure they could do much harm. Ian gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze as I watched them mostly in bewilderment, wondering when exactly they had kissed and made up.

The next thing I knew Ian was replaced by Josh and I was still standing there slightly dumbfounded. I craned my neck to look up at Josh who seemed to be paying no attention to me, though he had slung his arm over my shoulder as soon as he was in arms length to me. I nudged him slightly and he smiled down at me almost immediately.

"What are you doing?" I yelled up to him. He leaned down to me slightly, putting his ear closer to my mouth as I repeated my question.

"Watchin' the set," he answered back, gesturing towards the stage. My eyes wandered out to Oliver and Ian both hanging over the barricade briefly before snapping back up to Josh.

"What the fuck," I muttered.

Was I the only one who found this all extremely odd? Was I the only one who still had a problem with this? Were they all in on this the whole time, just trying to play some exceedingly sick joke on me? I wasn't sure. I was just completely and utterly confused. Soon enough though, the set was over and Tom was the first back on the side stage. All of the other boys passed me quickly, slapping me a high five as they went, all except Oliver. He just left me hanging; didn't even bother to look in my direction.

"Why did you sing with him today?" I turned around to ask Josh. His arm fell off my shoulders because I had moved and he placed his hands in his front pockets and simply shrugged.

"'Cause I always do."

"But Oliver punched you in the face last night," I told him, like he didn't already know. He let a soft chuckle pass through his lips and I wasn't sure if it was because I was stating the obvious, or if because he was about to tell me I had just been Punk'd or something.

"We talked this morning," he explained simply. "Guys get over things faster than girls."

"So you're telling me you're not angry he just punched you for no reason? Or that is was all my fault?" I asked him slowly. He just shrugged again, looking seemingly unfazed.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Am I the only one who thinks this is all extremely weird?"

"I don't fhink so," he said. "Tom still seems ta be weirded out. Same wiff the other guys. I fhink it's just Oli and I who worked everyfhing out."

"Do you think I should go talk to him?" I asked, chewing on my bottom lip.

"Afta yeh 'elp me get all this shit off stage!" Tom exclaimed quickly, his mouth right next to my ear as he quickly ran past me and onto the stage. A few girls screamed when they saw him and I just rolled my eyes as I spun around on the ball of my heel to face him. I raised an eyebrow and he just smiled, loving the attention. I quickly looked down next to the stage and temporarily locked eyes with Oliver, but he tore his eyes away from mine so quickly I wondered if I had just imagined him looking back at me. And suddenly I thought that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to talk to Oliver just yet.