So Easy To Love

The kiss was different from the first one.

There was still a sense of urgency in his actions, but he was less rough with me this time, opting to hold me carefully instead of grabbing onto me roughly. I did my best to memorize the way his lips felt against my own, because I knew this kiss wouldn't last. Just like the last. I knew everything was too good to be true. And maybe I was setting myself up for disaster that way, but I needed him. And at that moment I had him. And I was going to take full advantage of that before it was over.

He slowly lowered me down onto his sheets, laying me down gently as he hovered over me, his lips still attached to mine. The longer he kissed me, the most aggressive he got and the next thing I knew he was tugging on the bottom of the long tee-shirt I had worn to bed. My breath caught in my throat at the thought of going further with Oliver and just when I got bold enough to slip my tiny shaking hand under his own shirt, he quickly retracted and sighed deeply.

"I can't," he said. The aftermath of our last kiss flashed through my head.

"You can't what?" I asked, out of breath.

"Yeh need ta leave," he instructed me, pointing towards my bunk across the short hall.

"What?" I asked him incredulously.

"Yeh need ta leave," he repeated himself. I stared up at him for a while, now resting on my elbows to keep myself slightly elevated as I glared at him.

"I can't believe you," I murmured. He didn't say anything. "You are so fucking selfish Oliver," I shook my head as I scooted out of his bunk.

"Blair, yeh dun get it," he sighed, looking at me longingly.

"Oh I get it Oli," I snapped quietly, whipping myself around and looking at him fiercely. "You're inconsiderate, you're selfish, and you were right. Happy now?"

He opened his mouth and looked like he was about to say something, but he quickly closed it again and just resorted to looking at me. I shook my head lowly, a small sigh escaping my swollen lips. When I looked back up from the ground his curtain was closed and I was left out in the dark, completely alone, rejected, and defeated.

I wasn't sure how to deal with him anymore; I was confused as to how many more chances I should give him to explain himself. My heart told me I would give him as long as he needed. That he was just confused and needed time, that he would come around eventually. However, my head was telling me that I needed to get over him. He told me before I even got in too deep that he was going to hurt me. It was like a big flashing warning sign and I was actually thinking of ignoring him. Did that make me stupid or hopeful? I wasn't sure.

I turned back around towards my bunk and briefly thought about climbing back inside before my eyes fell on Tom's bunk. With a small smile I climbed up and inside of it, nudging him until he woke up and scooted over. He grumbled upon opening his eyes and groaned when he saw it was me.

"Wha' do yeh want Blair? I'm fuckin' sleepin' 'ere," he ruffled his hair.

"Oliver kissed me again," I whispered, my dark eyes wide and my expression child like. Tom's eyes grew at my statement and he immediately shot up, subsequently hitting his head and then cursing loudly.

"Fuck," he hissed, rubbing his head softly. "Why'd 'e do tha'?" He asked when he had regained his composure.

"If I knew do you think I would be in here right now?" I inquired seriously. Tom rolled his eyes.

"Dun be a smart ass. Yeh were tha one who woke meh up. I dun 'ave ta listen ta yeh," he replied lazily.

"Just tell me what to do, Tom," I practically begged my best friend. "I don't know what to do anymore."

"Yeh know wha' I fhink yeh should do, Blair," he informed me. "I fhink yeh should jus' get ovah 'm. 'e treats yeh like proper shit."

"It's not that easy," I mumbled playing with my fingers absentmindedly. Tom breathed in deeply through his nose as he narrowed his eyes at me. He just wanted the best for me. I knew that. He was my best friend after all. And Oliver may have been his brother, his blood, but he knew the difference between right and wrong. And he knew I didn't deserve to be tugged in every which way.

I didn't really expect anyone to understand. They didn't look at Oliver the same way I did. And unless they saw him through my eyes they would never understand what I was going through. How "getting over him" seemed like an extremely unreasonable task. Girls fall for bad boys because we think we can fix them. Because we think we can be that one exception. And I was no different.

"Try an' sleep on it, yeah? I'm fuckin' beat. Can yeh jus' sleep an' we'll talk in tha mornin'?" Tom mumbled as he sleepily rubbed his eyes. I laughed at how small and adorable he looked and nodded.

"Can we cuddle?" I asked in a small voice.

"No," he said flatly before literally pushing me out of his bunk. I thankfully caught myself so I didn't fall hard, but I still fell none the less. And as I lay there on the ground I saw Tom's head pop out of his bunk, a wide grin on his face. "Oops," he said simply.

"You're a jerk!" I yelled at him.

"Aye! Shut up! I'm tryin' ta sleep. I fhink I'm still a little drunk," Matt yelled. I giggled at his statement.

"Mattie," I whined. "Tom pushed me out of his bunk."

"Well then dust yehself off an get ta sleep!"

And with a huff, I did just that.