So Easy To Love

I was always the friend. That was my problem.

Even back when I was in school. I was always surrounded by a lot of boys, but they always wanted help with their English homework or advice about a girlfriend. I was never the girl who they asked for advice about, I was never the girl they sat next to because they wanted to flirt with me. I guess it never really mattered to me until I found someone worthwhile though.

Oliver Sykes left me wondering why I wasn't good enough to love. In reality, I was everything a guy should have wanted in a girlfriend. I was sweet, caring, understand, not jealous or clingy or psychotic. Yet he never looked at me in any other way than a friend. It was frustrating to say the least, especially when I was forced to spend excessive amounts of time with him. I was easy to love, but somehow everything was just...complicated.

"So what're we doin' today?" Kean asked as he sleepily rubbed his eyes.

"The norm, set, signing, etc," I rambled off.

"Where's the excitement?!" Jona yelled, grabbing my shoulders from behind and shaking me roughly.

"I'm not in the mood today," I grumbled, tugging the end of my tee-shirt.

"Anxiety?" He asked.

"Just a bad mood," I corrected. He gave me a sad smile and nodded before walking past me and over to the fridge. The boys all slowly woke up and mulled around in the front lounge for some time, some nursing hangovers and some just trying to fully wake up. Warped Tour was always an early morning. But lucky for them, and being the great tour manager I am, I always ran to get the schedule for the day early and sometimes let them sleep in if I knew they had a particularly rough night and a late set the next day. Today wasn't one of those days. Their set was one of the first in the day, which was never ideal, and I was forced to wake them all up much earlier than they would have like to be woken up.

Oliver was the last of them to walk out from the bunk area. He was wearing nothing more than a pair of underwear from American Apparel and some serious bed head.

"Where's Tom?" He asked, squinting at me as he ruffled his dark locks.

"Already at the merch tent with Flip," I told him off handedly.

"What's tha matta wiff yeh?" He asked, noticing my sour mood right off the bat.

Oliver always had a sort of odd perception about people's moods. He was very good at being able to tell how someone was really feeling even if they were lying. Sometimes it was put to good use, but when he was using his "gift" on you, it was mostly just annoying.

Most of my bad moods were stemmed to him and my ability to overanalyze every situation thrown at me. When I didn't get enough sleep at night because I was up wondering why the boy in the bunk across from me didn't love me it automatically put me into a bad mood. He should have loved me. And the fact I couldn't pin point the exact reason why he only wanted to be my friend drove me insane.

"I'm just in a bad mood today," I shrugged.

"Why?" He asked.

"Just because."

"Why?"

"Because that's how I woke up."

"Why?"

"Oliver," I scolded, looking over at him fiercely. His face spread into a boyish smile and he shrugged.

"No need ta get all worked up, love," he smiled.

It was a half an hour before the set that I realized I had lost my all access pass. I immediately started to panic, my breaths becoming short and my heart pounding against my chest. None of the boys brought their cell phones with them on stage and after I had somewhat calmed myself down I quickly dashed towards the Bring Me the Horizon tent.

"Gimmie your pass!" I yelled at Flip. Flip was the "merch bitch" and my only fellow American when we toured. He was a good kid and when he was added to the mix I was pleasantly surprised by his work ethic. He didn't even look at me when I yelled, he was too busy searching through a box of shirts that had apparently gotten sizes mixed up into it. Just something else I needed to stress about.

"What?" He finally asked once he had found the proper size. He handed it to the girl with a smile and she briefly looked over at me before thanking Flip and scurrying away with her three friends.

"Gimmie your pass!" I yelled again, holding my hand out and practically shaking it in his face.

"My pass has my picture on it," he stated dumbly.

"'nd yeh look nothin' like 'm!" Tom smiled. He was working in the tent directly next to Bring Me the Horizon's merch tent at the Drop Dead tent.

"I lost mine," I admitted. "And I need to get by the stage because Tom over here refuses to tech today."

"'m really busy over 'ere!" He yelled, pointing to the long line of kids who were standing in front of the ten mulling over which tee-shirt they wanted. "Jus' go back there and try and get someone's attention to let yeh get passed security," he explained, like it was the most simple thing in the world. I stole one last terrified glance at Flip and he gave me a reassuring pat on the back before I began to run to the main stage.

Tom made things sound so damn easy. So much so that most of the time I actually believed what he told me and on my short run to the main stage I truly had quite the clear head. I should have known the boys all chose this particular day to be late. Maybe they were getting back at me for being so sour with them this morning.

"I need to get back there!" I insisted to the burly security guard. He was a giant compared to me, probably around 6'2 and built like a fucking body builder. His two gigantic arms were both covered with sleeves of tattoos; he sported a huge bushy beard, and a shaved head. I could feel my heart jump into my throat and start thumping uncontrollably as I tried my best to get passed him.

"You and about 100 other girls, sweetie," he scoffed.

"Listen, I manage Bring Me the Horizon and I lost my pass somewhere on the bus. I need to get up there and do some tech stuff before the set and I'm already late. Please just let me by!" I practically groveled at his feet.

A laugh that rumbled deep from within his giant belly crawled its way up his throat as he peered down at me from underneath his sunglasses. I knew exactly what he was thinking; I was nothing more than some obsessed fan who would stop at nothing to get backstage and sleep with the band. I myself had seen and dealt with girls exactly like that before and I had been on his end of the argument many times in the past but this was probably the only time the girl on my end would be right.

"I'm sure you do, doll face. But maybe you should try getting passed someone who doesn't deal with 100 of you girls a day. I hate to break it to you as well, but by the looks of it you're underage and as pretty as you are I'm sure these dudes won't risk jail time for a hot piece of ass like you when there's a bunch more girls who are over 18 willing to do the same thing," he told me in the most condescending tone I had ever heard. My jaw literally dropped as I stared at him. My cheeks went ablaze with embarrassment and I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die as the security guard laughed at my misfortune with a few other guards standing near him.

"I really do manage them," I said, my voice meek and timid. I had lost all sense of pride and I knew there was no way this set was going to be on time.

"Oh I'm sure you do," he repeated, his tone just as patronizing as before. "Sweetheart, I've
heard stories like this for 20 years and you are probably one of the most unoriginal. And besides, you're practically peeing your pants right now," he laughed loudly. "No one in this band is gonna wanna fuck someone who acts like a scolded puppy," he seethed.

"'The fuck is goin' on 'ere?!" A loud voice growled from behind me. "Yeh better not be talkin' to Blair like tha'!" Oliver screamed at the security guard. "Tha's NO fuckin' way to treat a lady!" He stood on his tip toes, trying to get eye level with the guard. It was quite a sight to see, actually. Oliver was, as far as guys went, pretty small. He had some height but I was about 100% sure the security guard he was yelling at could break him in half with in thumb and forefinger. A small group of kids had stopped and were watching the scene unfold before them. Some were stunned to silence, while a few laughed, and some even cheered Oli on.

"Listen kid," the guard half snorted at Oliver. "I don't know who you think you are, but I'm just doing my job okay? No pass, no entry. It's as simple as that," he shrugged.

"I'm fuckin' Oli Sykes and I don't fuckin' care mate! Yeh need to apologize to 'er because she is the nicest person you'll ever fuckin' meet an' the fact that yeh talked to 'er like she was a piece of fuckin' trash makes me fuckin' sick. Yer a fuckin' coward speakin' to a young lass like that! Yer fuckin' scum," he spat venomously.

I stood there with eyes wide as I tried my hardest to control my anxiety. I was scared Oliver was going to get hurt, I was scared the set wasn't going to be on time and kids would get angry, I was scared because I was so fucking embarrassed that I couldn't stand up for myself and that I had lost my pass to begin with. But it was just too hot and my heart was just beating too fast and next thing I knew I was sure it was going to hammer its way out of my chest and it just hurt too much. My vision quickly began to blur and suddenly it felt like the world was caving in on me. My head felt like it was being slammed against a wall and the last thing I felt was my stomach learching.

I hit the ground like a fucking plank.