Living is a nightmare, suicide's reality
Chapter 16
From the beginning....
Frank always told me to look on the bright side of life. That's pretty hard when your father beats the hell out of you every day. But i tried. I really did. But, unlike Frank, i was unable to see a bright side. My mother was dead, my father was abusive. I couldn't find the bright side.
But now i know that it was Frank. He was the one keeping me from going over the edge. When i thought he had gone forever, i tried to kill myself. Actually it was incidental, but i made no effort to live. I could have, i suppose. I could have held on. But i let go. Because i thought the only thing that ever mattered to me was gone.
But in his usual, annoying fashion, he came back. Too late to save me. But it didn't matter. It was all over anyway.
I lay in the hospital bed, surrounded by my new friends. Mikey, Gerard, Ray, Bob, Kirsty, Savannah, Loz, Lisa, and of course, Frank. He held my hand tightly, trying not to cry. I smiled at him.
'I'm sorry, Frank,' i whispered.
He shook his head. 'It's my fault.'
'Don't think that. It doesn't matter now anyway.' I breathed in deeply.
'You have to tell the police, you know. About mom too.' I looked at him, searching his face.
'He... i can't,' he said, desperately.
'Please, Frank. For mom. And for me,' i squeezed his hand. 'Make sure it's a proper funeral, yeah? Hey maybe we can get buried together?'
'What, you seriously want a rotted corpse next to you?' he giggled slightly.
'Erm... now you put it that way...' we both laughed.
The rest of the group were looked at us, strangely.
'May i ask what your talking about?' Savannah frowned.
'You may.' Frank giggled. God, he was so girly.
'Well....'
'We're talking about burying our mother. Not exactly what i want to talk about before i die, but it passes the time i guess.' I sighed.
'But i thought you said your mom was dead?' Gerard asked, confused.
'She is. But we want to bury her.' Frank smiled, knowing this would confuse them even more. I really don't know why we were finding this funny. It wasn't. Whatsoever. It was actually rather sick. But we were trying to make light of the situation, i guess.
'My dad, he... he killed her,' Frank explained softly. He put her under the floorboards. We had to move. The smell was terrible.' Everyone went quiet. Yes, my mother is buried under the floorboards. She's dead if you didn't already guess.
'That's terrible,' Ravez said quietly. They all got lost in their own thoughts.
'Frank?' i asked. 'Can you get black roses?' He shrugged.
'Why?'
'I just thought they'd look cool at the funeral. For mom, not for me.'
He began to cry.
'Frank, what's wrong?'
'I can't... i don't want to live without you. I love you,' he sobbed.
'Not half as much as i love you,' i smiled, kissing his cheek. He gave a weak smile. I squeezed his hand tight.
'It'll all be alright. I promise.' And for once in my life i meant it. I closed my eyes and listened to the voices that surrounded me. My friends. My brother.
My dad.
To The End.....
Frank always told me to look on the bright side of life. That's pretty hard when your father beats the hell out of you every day. But i tried. I really did. But, unlike Frank, i was unable to see a bright side. My mother was dead, my father was abusive. I couldn't find the bright side.
But now i know that it was Frank. He was the one keeping me from going over the edge. When i thought he had gone forever, i tried to kill myself. Actually it was incidental, but i made no effort to live. I could have, i suppose. I could have held on. But i let go. Because i thought the only thing that ever mattered to me was gone.
But in his usual, annoying fashion, he came back. Too late to save me. But it didn't matter. It was all over anyway.
I lay in the hospital bed, surrounded by my new friends. Mikey, Gerard, Ray, Bob, Kirsty, Savannah, Loz, Lisa, and of course, Frank. He held my hand tightly, trying not to cry. I smiled at him.
'I'm sorry, Frank,' i whispered.
He shook his head. 'It's my fault.'
'Don't think that. It doesn't matter now anyway.' I breathed in deeply.
'You have to tell the police, you know. About mom too.' I looked at him, searching his face.
'He... i can't,' he said, desperately.
'Please, Frank. For mom. And for me,' i squeezed his hand. 'Make sure it's a proper funeral, yeah? Hey maybe we can get buried together?'
'What, you seriously want a rotted corpse next to you?' he giggled slightly.
'Erm... now you put it that way...' we both laughed.
The rest of the group were looked at us, strangely.
'May i ask what your talking about?' Savannah frowned.
'You may.' Frank giggled. God, he was so girly.
'Well....'
'We're talking about burying our mother. Not exactly what i want to talk about before i die, but it passes the time i guess.' I sighed.
'But i thought you said your mom was dead?' Gerard asked, confused.
'She is. But we want to bury her.' Frank smiled, knowing this would confuse them even more. I really don't know why we were finding this funny. It wasn't. Whatsoever. It was actually rather sick. But we were trying to make light of the situation, i guess.
'My dad, he... he killed her,' Frank explained softly. He put her under the floorboards. We had to move. The smell was terrible.' Everyone went quiet. Yes, my mother is buried under the floorboards. She's dead if you didn't already guess.
'That's terrible,' Ravez said quietly. They all got lost in their own thoughts.
'Frank?' i asked. 'Can you get black roses?' He shrugged.
'Why?'
'I just thought they'd look cool at the funeral. For mom, not for me.'
He began to cry.
'Frank, what's wrong?'
'I can't... i don't want to live without you. I love you,' he sobbed.
'Not half as much as i love you,' i smiled, kissing his cheek. He gave a weak smile. I squeezed his hand tight.
'It'll all be alright. I promise.' And for once in my life i meant it. I closed my eyes and listened to the voices that surrounded me. My friends. My brother.
My dad.
To The End.....