One More Time Left to Say Your Goodbyes

I watched the arcade game's screen dance and flash in time with the sound of the bullets. Alex kept swinging the stupid plastic gun around as he constantly reloaded. Apparently he was getting a record high score. I couldn't tell.

People were crowding around us, watching. It was such a dumb game. I didn't like violence-type games.

"C'mon, 'Lex, you got this!"

"You can do it!"

I just sighed, rolling my eyes and walking away from the crowd of onlookers, ordering myself a diet Pepsi and sitting down near Clare. She smiled at me, holding a french fry in her fingers.

"Too much for you over there?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "Where's your fiance?"

"He should be here," She said, taking a drink of her beer. "Except right now he's over there with all the other sweaty, masochistic guys watching your boyfriend shoot horribly animated zombies."

I laughed, snatching a fry from the plate.

"How long you been dating 'Lex again?"

I thought about it, counting on my fingers.

"6 months now is it? I think so." I nodded at her, biting my lower lip and pulling at my lip piercings with my teeth.

"He's a good guy. Austin babies him too much since he's the younger brother, but I guess that's just how things go."

I was about to reply when a loud chorus of cheers interrupted me, and Alex bounded over towards our table, an ecstatic look on his face and beads of sweat on is neck and forehead.

"Charlie I did it! I beat the high score of that asian kid! Aren't you proud of me?"

He then proceeded to grip me in a tight hug, twirling me around. The crowd of followers aww'ed. I blushed.

"You beat an asian kid? Wow. My man can beat an asian." He smirked at my words and I grinned, sitting back down in my chair.

Clare shot me an amused look and I shrugged.

The entire gathering was over, and Austin, Alex, Clare, and I got into the white Sedan and headed for home. As we dropped off Austin and Clare I pulled out the package of cigarettes from my purse and popped one in my mouth, lighting it. Alex shot me a disapproving look as he backed out of the driveway.

"You told me you were quitting."

"Exactly," I replied, opening the car window and puffing out the smoke into the night. "Quitting. As in, in the process of quitting. C'mon, 'Lex," I whined as he made a face. "I haven't had one all week. Seeing all your relatives and stuff is stressful. Especially your uncle. I feel like he's always putting me down."

Alex sighed, putting his arm around the back of my seat. "He can't really help it. I'm sorry, love. He just doesn't like your whole past and where you come from."

"It's not my goddamn fault," I grumbled, already feeling myself get angry as I stared out the window, chucking the cigarette butt out of it.

Alex shot me a sympathetic look that I ignored, turning my head out towards the rainy cold streets that whizzed by in a myriad of darkened colors.



The clock's digital numbers blinked out 1:47, and I cursed silently at it. Getting up from my warm spot in the bed I glanced over at Alex's sprawled figure under the sheets and tip-toed out of the room. The carpet was soft beneath my feet. I collapsed onto the worn couch, looking around the dark room for something for my eyes to fixate on. I ended up looking down at my wrists, then my arms, then my thighs. All with groupings of scars built onto the skin. I looked down at my own body in disgust.

I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, staring at the soft glow in the darkness.

It figured that the first person I had befriended after moving to Carson City would be the one I was sharing my bed with.

Alex was the best person I could ever have hoped to meet. He wasn't judgmental, he wasn't one to give others a hard time, and he never stereotyped. He saw me as the scared, fucked up new girl at the school, hiding behind masks of fake smiles. He knew everything about me.

Well...

Almost everything.

I got up and pulled open the fridge door, reaching inside for my leftover iced coffee from McDonald's. As I closed the door I felt warm arms wrap around my waist and Alex's face nuzzling into my neck.

"You scared me for a minute there," I said, smiling. He groaned.

"Come back to bed."

I looked down at the ground, remembering Clare's question to me a little after meeting me.

"So...how far have you gone with Alex?"

I swallowed nervously. "Uhh. Holding hands?"

Clare's eyes widened. "You're kidding me. You've been dating for a long time and you haven't even done anything intimate yet?"

"We've made out..." I mumbled feebly. "And besides, 6 months isn't a long time."

Clare's eyebrows arched and her face gained a 'whatever-you-say' look. I just looked down at the table.

"Alright," I reassured Alex, and I walked while he stumbled back into our dark bedroom.

I laid under the covers, thinking about a certain person.

I couldn't open up physically after...that person. It was impossible, and I wasn't exactly willing to try. Alex was the person that I trusted the most in the world, next to Aunt Sylvia. I didn't want to fuck things up all over again.

And I was already mad. Ronnie and...they hadn't even tried to make contact with me. No letters, no phone calls, no nothing. Miss Higgins said that they could talk to me if they wanted to.

I had Ronnie's house phone memorized, and the one time that I tried to call him on my cellphone he answered, and I hung up and dropped the phone before saying anything. That was a year ago. He should be out on his own by now.

I curled up into a small ball on my left side, facing away from 'Lex.

I missed them. Yet I hated them. But I still loved them. And I couldn't forget them.

Fuck you Maxwell Green.