One More Time Left to Say Your Goodbyes

I looked down at Max's sleeping figure, his chest rising and falling, and I didn't have the heart to wake him up. I sat down next on the uncomfortable chairs, running my eyes over his black hair, the needles in his arms. It wasn't him, not really.

As his eyelids fluttered open and he looked around the plain hospital room with discontent, I shifted nervously before coughing. His green eyes met mine before narrowing into an intense glare. I lifted the cup of water, offering it to him, and he grudgingly accepted.

"What do you want?" He hissed, venom lacing every word. My hands shook as I tried to remember what I wanted to say to him.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry." My words elicited a snort from him. "But I can't do this anymore, Max. I'm so sick of looking at you and remembering the person you used to be."

"You sound like Ronnie," Max replied hotly. "He said some shit like you just did."

"That's because he fucking loves you, and cares about you, and it hurts him to see you strapped to some fucking needles after almost dying!" Max turned away from me, choosing instead to glare at the wall.

"You don't know what it's been like," He growled, and I shook my head.

"You're right, I don't know what it's been like for you. But I know that the Max Green I knew wouldn't have tried to off himself in a shitty motel."

I could see his knuckles clench on the edges of his bed until they were white, and I had no doubt in my mind that he would gladly try to hurt me if he could. I heard Casey talking with one of the doctors outside, and I ran a hand through my hair, sighing. I opened my eyes when Max began speaking.

"You have no idea how hard it was for me to let you go," He said through clenched teeth. "I made the choice for you to have a better life, and all I've gotten since then was anger, and accusations, and people blaming me for 'taking you away from them'. I loved you," He enunciated every syllable in those three words, breathing heavily. "I wanted the best for you. And then you come into my life and decide to completely undo everything that's happened since, like it's no big deal. Fuck you, Charlie."

Tears had come to my eyes, and I looked down at the linoleum floor. His words hit home, and I didn't have an adequate response.

"Where have you gone, Max? Where's the Max that gave a damn?"

He sniffed and picked at an IV at his hand. "He died when everyone made me the fucking enemy."

I walked out of the room and past where Casey was sitting with a soda, wiping stray tears from my eyes and feeling a definite sense of deja vu. The last time I was in a hospital, it was with Ronnie in the bed and Max and I waiting to hear about his condition. But even that time it was an accident, and Ronnie hadn't intentionally endangered himself.

I made my way to his car in the parking lot, settling down into the passenger seat. Ronnie gave me a sad smile, sighing.

"I'm sorry, Charlie," He placed his hand in mine as he pulled out into the street, off towards his apartment. "He's just...being an idiot."

"No," I protested. "He's right about a lot of things. I was just too much of a bitch to see it."

Ronnie chose not to reply to me, staring ahead out the windshield. I really didn't know what to do now. My first instinct was to leave Carson City, but with hardly any money and all my belongings at Ronnie's apartment, I knew that would be impossible.

How had this happened? This web of douchebaggery that went with my relationships with Max and Ronnie had finally driven things to an extreme, and once again I didn't know what to do. Ronnie threw the butt of his cigarette out the window, giving my hand a final squeeze as we rounding into the parking lot.

"Ronnie," I started, but he cut me off.

"If you're thinking about apologizing, please don't. You shouldn't be apologizing. You've done enough of that." He flashed a smile and gave me a hug. "There's a reason I put up with this bullshit, Charlie, a good one. I've been in love with you for years. Even with all this happening, I still love you. You're still Charlie."

I had already effectively wet his shirt with saltwater, and I hugged him back tightly.

"I just can't deal with it anymore. With Max's bullshit."

"Then that's okay. That's totally okay."

And like the fool I was, I believed Ronnie's words.