One More Time Left to Say Your Goodbyes

I rolled over in my bunk, letting out a loud fart. I groaned loudly and looked around the bus, seeing Ronnie sitting on the couch, jamming a handful of chips into his mouth.

"Dude, that was fucking gross. You just wake up and shit your pants. Then you look around to make sure no one heard it." He paused, swallowing, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

I rolled out of bed, coughing loudly, "Do you have any smokes?"

"Good luck getting your smoke on. The bus is moving." Ronnie warned as I reached towards the door knob.

"Well fuck me." I paused, "Where are we going?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. We're playing some show in Idaho I think. Then we've only got a few more shows left."

"Then we get to go home. And fucking sleep."

I sat down on the couch next to Ronnie, letting out a loud breath, "Where is everyone else?"

"Sleeping." Ronnie said, rolling up the bag of chips, "It's like eight in the morning."

"What the fuck are you doing awake?"

He laughed, "What the fuck are you doing awake?"

"I don't know."

"You excited to go home and get laid?" Ronnie smirked.

"I'm always excited to get laid," I laughed, laying back on the couch, "You're not getting laid."

"You're right, I'm not."

"I don't see why you don't just fuck some of the tour girls senseless or something. Most of them are so drunk and you're so drunk that it's not like it would matter in the morning."

"Yes. But in a few years when my dick rots off, it will matter."

I laughed, throwing a chip at Ronnie, "That chic I fucked last week was fucking hot."

"You're a fucking pig Max."

I grinned, "I know."

"It's not something to be proud of. Casey's sitting at home, waiting for you to show up and what are you doing? Ignoring her phone calls while you're fucking some other girl."

"Shut up Ronnie."

"Fuck you."

I watched as Ronnie stood up, his pants hanging just above his ass, as they always were. Chip crumbs fell from his lap as he lazily walked over to the fridge, stuffing the chips on top of it and grabbing a Coke to drink. He popped it open and sat down at the table. It was annoying to be mad at someone that was on the bus, because it was impossible to get away from them.

So, I remained at my spot on the couch and picked at my nail polish. I opened my mouth to say something, but quickly shut it. I looked over at Ronnie, who refused to look my direction. He had his vision focused outside, on the dirt and the rocks that passed by the window. He took another sip from his Coke, purposely ignoring me. Shit had been weird since we started touring. Ronnie started doing drugs.

Which wasn't a huge deal. Everyone on tour did drugs, and it wasn't like they affected Ronnie terribly. We just didn't really get along much anymore. He was always bitching about who I was fucking, or more so, who I wasn't, which was Casey. Then again, Ronnie always had something to say about who I was dating.

When I dated Nikki, she was too slutty. When I found out Nikki was pregnant, 'that was a bad idea' and Nikki and I got in this huge fight over keeping the baby. Which we didn't. And it was completely started by Ronnie opening his huge fucking mouth. I'd like to know why Ronnie has this big idea that he's got fucking morals, just because he keeps his dick to himself.

And I find it completely ridiculous that he's able to do so, just because he gets so wasted and so fucked up all of the time. It's got to be hard to keep his dick in his pants.

When I fucked Destini, she was a bitch.

When I tried dating Lauren, she was too prude.

It was just countless girls, countless fucks and relationships that I was always talked out of, or my girlfriends got mad because Ronnie seemed to think he was my spouse. And every time, it came back to the same fucking thing. He didn't want it to end up like the 'whole thing' with Charlie. Like that was a big fucking deal. He's always bringing it up.

Talking about how I fucked up her life so bad. And apparently it's not even because I got her out of her abusive home. Once Ronnie found out how far I'd managed to get with Charlie, he was furious. She was his best friend and I fucked everything up. I was so sick of listening to him about it. I mean fuck, that was at least six or seven years ago. It's not like every time Charlie goes to talk to some guy, she's going to freak out and start bawling because she fucking misses me.

She couldn't make up her mind between Ronnie and me anyways, so it was all just bullshit. I was sick of being made the bad guy in every situation.

"Do you think I should break up with Casey?" I asked suddenly.

"If you're going to keep fucking everything that moves."

"I don't fuck you."

He looked at me, "Am I moving?"

"I guess not," I paused, wanting to bring up Charlie, but not wanting to really listen to Ronnie bitch, "What do you think Charlie is doing right now?"

"What the fuck is it to you?"

"Why do you still get ass hurt about all of that?"

"I don't want to talk about it Max. You're always bringing her up."

"Me?" I scoffed, "It's you who always talks about her."

"We're not 16 anymore, Max. I'm not going to sit here and listen to you bitch about Charlie, okay? I brought Charlie up once, when you were talking about Lauren. All I said was she reminded me of Charlie and then you had to go on and on about how you almost fucked Charlie, or whatever you did with her."

I looked away from Ronnie. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was me who was comparing all my girlfriends to Charlie. Maybe I just felt bad because I know I fucked things up for her and I worry about her a lot. I think about her when I'm having sex with other girls. And I wonder if she's having sex with other guys.

And I'm also worried about Ronnie. Because sometimes I that if I'd just let him have Charlie, he wouldn't be using drugs to keep himself happy. He'd be using Charlie to keep himself happy.