One More Time Left to Say Your Goodbyes

After the complete bullshit that happened last night, I suppose it was natural that I woke up in a permanently bitchy mood.

Max had proved himself a complete and utter douchebag. I don't know what the hell happened to him in the time spam between high school and now, but he changed. For the worse.

He's a fucking pig.

What happened to the Max who used to sit with me outside in the cold? What happened to the Max who made out with me on the roof of a hospital while his best friend was inside after getting run over by a car? What happened to the Max who actually gave a damn about things?

I feel so sorry for Casey. God, she told me shit about Max but now finally seeing what he's like...I'm disgusted.

Speaking of significant others...Alex hadn't texted me back. I suppose he was still mad. I let out a sigh.

Why couldn't things just decide to go my way for once? I mean hell, I know I'm being emo but there has to be sometime when everything goes right, even for a bit.

I jumped as Casey came into the spare room she had offered to me, smiling.

"You want breakfast or something? We're going out to eat."

I thought for a minute, biting my lip. "Will Ronnie be there?"

Casey's eyes narrowed, a smirk playing about her lips.

"You like him, don't you?"

I didn't answer, just brushed my hair back with my hand, but she took that as enough of an answer.

"Awww, you do! That's so adorable, oh my god..."

I tried to drone out her gushing over Ronnie and I. My face was red. Ugh.

Casey can't know about all the shit that happened between Max and I. Or Ronnie and I for that matter. If she did find out...I'd be in major trouble. And I don't want to lose Casey as a friend. She's fucking amazing. She puts up with all my bull. Nobody else really does that..except for....

"Hey, are we going out to eat or what? I'm starvin' here!"

I looked up to see Ronnie's face smiling into the room. My heart sped up considerably and Casey immediately covered her mouth with her hands. I rolled my eyes before getting up.

"I don't know. Where are we going?"

I didn't really feel like spending part of the day with Max, but I suppose to spend time with Casey and Ronnie I'd have to.

As we piled into cars, Casey demanded I sit next to Ronnie, who looked only too happy to share close contact with me. I could tell he was still worried about what happened last night, but I told him not to worry about me. I was fine. At least, I hope so.

We were in the small generic restaurant, Casey and Max on one side of the booth, Ronnie and I on the other. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out, reading that it was a text from Alex.

Charlie...I think it's time we see other people."

Something inside me exploded. I felt tears brimming up around my eyes, and I hastily excused myself from the booth, trying not to meet my friends' concerned stares.

I walked outside of the restaurant, breathing in cold air and reaching for my packet of cigarettes. Upon seeing that it was empty I threw it to the ground as hard as I could, sat on the curb, and held my head in my hands.

I fucked up. Again. I lost someone else important to me because I screwed everything up.

I barely registered the fact that someone had come outside and was sitting next to me on the curb, an arm draped around my shoulder. Ronnie whispered comforting words in my ear, but that only made me feel worse, the fact that I had made him worry about me even more.

What was I going to do? All my stuff was at Alex's apartment. I don't have the money to get a new place. And I couldn't keep rooming with Casey. It was unfair to her, and I didn't really want to be any closer to this horrible new Max than I had to be. And Alex was right next door.

"Fuck. My. Life," I whined. Ronnie just held me tighter before checking his phone.

"Casey is wondering what happened."

I moaned. "Ugh. I'm making everyone worry."

"Well...not everyone," Ronnie replied, smiling.

I stood up, wiping the moisture from my eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

"I'm fine. Everything's fine. It's all good."

Ronnie's face tightened at my words. "Charlie, 'I'm fine' has been pretty much your catchphrase since forever. I think I, of all people, would know when you aren't fine."

"Okay, I'm not," I sighed. "But it'll all be fine."

We walked back into the restaurant, and I couldn't meet Casey's questioning looks. Max, it seemed, didn't really care at all. He was digging into his hamburgers with such enthusiasm that I was revolted.

"What-" Casey started, but Ronnie held up his hand.

"Later."

We sat there in awkward silence, mostly picking at our food, besides Max who gorged on everything. It seemed as if me crying had made him happier. Well, fuck him. One day, he'll get his.



Casey's apartment was quiet, even for how many people were bunking under this roof at the moment. At three in the morning, though, I suppose there wasn't much for people to do around here but sleep. That, and the fact that Casey and Max had finished about an hour or two ago made it a lot quieter. Honestly, imagine trying to sleep when your ex boyfriend is humping your best friend in a room over, and they're both being so loud that you can't sleep, even if you wanted to.

Jealous? Me? Never. Okay, maybe a little. But what did that matter? I didn't want a Max that had this self-righteous attitude and a dick-like composure. I'd had enough of guys like that lately.

I softly padded out into the living room, headed towards the kitchen, when an arm shot out and grabbed me around my waist. I gasped before Ronnie's hand covered my mouth.

"Jeez, shut up, will ya? It's just me."

I waited for my heart to slow down and my eyes to adjust to the darkness in the room.

"Well thanks for nearly giving me a heart attack. I was just going to get some water."

Ronnie pulled me in closer to him. "Please stay. You can't sleep. I know you probably aren't going to."

I placed my head on Ronnie's chest, the familiar smell of his cologne and cigarette smoke bringing back a wave of nostalgia. My ears began to tear up of their own accord.

"Shit," I mumbled, trying to wipe the salt water away. "Ronnie, what am I going to do? I have nowhere to go. I can't stay here. I can't be this close to a Max that's a fucking dillhole. And Alex is right next door."

Ronnie was silent as he thought it over. "Well, I have a small place a couple blocks away. You could stay there if you wanted. I mean, if you don't though there's no problem. I just thought..." He trailed off, and I interrupted his babbling.

"Sure, maybe for a while," I said, and his face lit up. "Until I can get enough money to get a place of my own."

It was peaceful and quiet, just sitting here enfolded in Ronnie's arms. Like old times. Times before...

"By the way, what the hell happened to Max? He didn't used to be like this..."

Ronnie let out a raggedy sigh, and I knew that he had been thinking long and hard about his response to my question.

"I honestly don't know. After you left, everything just got boring. And he got irritable, like he was constantly PMSing all the time. And then this girl came along, before Casey. I never liked her, but Max...he was just head over heels for her. Lust or love, I have no idea. Anyway, her name was Alice and she spent nearly every night with him before we went on tour and everything and our band got bigger. Then, he found out that she was cheating on him with a ton of guys. He just snapped, and when she left I guess he thought that if she could cheat on him, then he could cheat on whomever he wanted. Then Casey came along," Ronnie sighed at this part in the story, and I felt my heart speed up. "I tried to tell her. She's a great girl. I feel sorry for the shit Max has put her through. But he's cheated on her practically every night that we've been on tour. It's so fucking irritating, it makes me feel like a babysitter. I don't know. Something snapped after you left. I mean, I guess I know by now that it was better that you left. But in all honesty, I really wish you would've stayed....stayed with me."

I wrapped my arms around Ronnie and placed my head back on his chest, over his heart. I was happy to be back, sort of. I had Ronnie. And Casey. Now if only Max would be Max again, this would all be perfect.

Ronnie and I fell asleep like this, and the only thing that woke me up later in the morning was the sound of Casey's excited squeal.