One More Time Left to Say Your Goodbyes

"What are you going to do?"

I shook my head, running a hand through my hair.

"I have no idea. I can't just leave all my shit there. He'll throw it away or pawn it off or something."

Casey gave me a pitying look. "Why do you always pick the assholes, Char?"

For the past half an hour I was sitting outside on the back porch with Casey discussing what I was going to do about the stuff still over at Alex's apartment. I don't know what happened, but he had sent me a bunch of angry texts and I could hear him slamming his front door from in Casey's apartment. I needed to get out of here, move into Ronnie's apartment. But before I could do that I needed all the stuff from Alex. I sighed.

"I think I'll just go over when he's at work and pick up my stuff; use the key I have." I took a drag off the cigarette in my hand. "I don't know what the hell happened. We seemed right. He didn't seem like this. I don't know. Maybe this is my fault."

I could feel myself getting choked up and I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. I didn't want Max witnessing me crying again and silently making fun of me. And I also didn't want Ronnie worrying. Speaking of Ronnie...

"Where's Ronnie?"

Casey checked her phone. "He said he had someone he needed to hang out with for a bit. I'm guessing he'll be back later. He wants to get going though, so you should probably get your stuff today."

I nodded, putting out the stub of cigarette and walking inside.

All these things I'd said I would do. That I promised. I'd quit smoking, try and get ahead in my job, try and make more of an effort with Alex's family. Where the hell was I now?
I looked at my watch; Alex would be leaving for work in an hour. I grabbed a soda from the fridge, sat down on the couch and turned on the tv to pass the time. Nothing good was on, so I channel surfed. My mood went into a serious downspike when I saw Max enter the room in a baggy t-shirt and shorts.

He grunted at me as a sign of acknowledgment before retreating into the kitchen. I heard the fridge door open before he let out a lovely bit of flatulence. Rolling my eyes I tried to fan the air around my nose with my hand before the smell got over to me. I was surprised when Max sat down next to me on the couch, completely ignoring the nice coasters Casey put on the coffee table and setting his soda down on the wood.

"Jesus, just pick a channel. If you don't I will."

"That's not my name, and I'll watch whatever I want, thanks," I replied coldly.

We were silent for a few minutes before Max decided to start a conversation.

"So why Alex?"

I rolled my eyes. "Do we have to talk about this? And since when did you become so interested?"

"Since he and I had a wonderful chat in the hallway the other day." I looked over at him in surprise. "He's pretty pissed Charlie, not gonna lie. He thinks you're fucking Ronnie."

I groaned. "The hell did you say to him?"

"Nothing, I swear." Max held up the palms of his hands. "He's just a bit...crazy. I have no idea where you find these guys."

"Yeah, me either," I muttered, trying to make it look like I was watching what was on television.

I tried to keep my lips clamped shut, buried my teeth in the soft skin of my tongue, but the words still came out, almost as if of their own accord.

"You hate me don't you?"

I bit my lip, squeezing my eyes shut. Why the hell did I just say that?

Max took his time before replying, but when he did he didn't stumble over his words like he usually did.

"I'm going to be honest, it's been easy to hate you for the past couple of years. I wouldn't say it's genuine hate, but then again I might be wrong. I blame you for our messed up relationship. I blame Ronnie for it too. The only thing that keeps me asleep at night is the fact that I'm too selfish to blame myself. You just left, and you never even gave me a chance to explain about how I tried to help you. I fucking tried to help you, Charlie, and it hurt like a bitch to let you leave. But I just couldn't see you living like that. I didn't like the bruises, Ronnie didn't either. I'm guessing he was more upset about it than I was, he just didn't want me to see. But no, you were too fucking stupid to try and see the good deed I was trying to do.
I didn't love you Charlie. We were stupid high school kids caught up in stupid crap. Yeah, I liked you. But I wasn't in love with you. Look, I don't care anymore, alright? Just have fun fucking my best friend."

His outburst caused me to grit my teeth. I was angry, I was bitter, and I was sad. The tears I'd hidden before from Casey finally overflowed, and I looked away from Max's frustrated green eyes. I saw a flicker of remorse.

"I never used to hate myself this much," I started, my voice shaking. "but now I can't even stand how much I do. I'm so ashamed of everything I am. My face, my body, my personality, the things I say, the things I do, the way I act, even the way I think. I wish I could be anyone else in the world but me, because I am so sure that there is no one worse in this world than me. And then I feel like I'm just feeling sorry for myself, and that just makes me hate me even more."

I sat there feebly sniffling and feeling like shit. Max let in a deep breath, looking over at me and giving me a small smile.

"Maybe you just need a change of scenery."

I didn't look over at him. He was so fucking confusing, doing a complete 180 like that. One minute he says he hates me, the next he's giving me advice. I tried to wipe my eyes as the front door opened and Ronnie walked in, a brown paper bag in his hands. He walked straight over towards Max, smiling like a maniac.

"Hey, Max, what do you say you and I chill with the guys? I got a special treat today." He shook the brown bag in front of Max, who's face lit up.

"Hell yeah!"

Ronnie clapped his hands together, squeezing himself on the couch between Max and I. He smiled over at me, a persuasive tone coming into his voice.

"So, Charlie, you ever been high?"

I shook my head, Ronnie's smile got wider.

"How would you like to try it?"

I dug my teeth into the soft skin in my lower lip, not really knowing how to reply. "Um...I don't know..."

"Come on," Ronnie whined, flashing puppy dog eyes at me. "Just once. You'll love it, I promise. Please...?"

I sighed. I couldn't say no to Ronnie. "Fine."

"Hah!" I smiled tentatively as Ronnie punched his hand through the air. He looked happier than I'd seen in days. He got up off the couch, moving towards the kitchen before spinning around to face me. "Oh! Did you need help getting your stuff later?"

"How did you know?" I asked confusedly. He jammed his thumb towards where Casey was chatting away out on the porch on her phone. I nodded. "Yeah, maybe. In fact," I consulted my watch. "We should probably go now. Alex is at work."

I walked with Ronnie out in the hall over to where Alex's door was, putting the key in the lock and opening the door.

The inside was cleaner than when I'd lived here; he obviously made an effort to tidy up after the party and our fight. I went inside my room, grabbing a suitcase from the closet and opening up my dresser drawers. Ronnie took his sweet time with my undergarments before neatly folding them in my suitcase. When I'd finally fit my things into three suitcases we left, making sure to lock the door behind us.
I threw the bags into the backseat of Ronnie's car. He had carried the heaviest two.

After yelling at Casey to tell Max to get his fat ass outside, we all hauled into his car and were on our way...to smoke illegal drugs. Yay.



"C'mon, Char, want me to teach you how?"

Ronnie was already sufficiently baked. Max was getting there. Bryan and Robert, who I'd just met about an hour ago, were joking around on the couch across from us. Housed in a carpeted garage, with four couches arranged in a circle, a mini fridge in the corner, and a coffee table, I was only a little uncomfortable. Only.

"I dunno, Ronnie," I mumbled, but Ronnie waved my feeble attempts as protesting away, picking up the pretty colored 'piece' from the coffee table and stuffing green in the small pocket of it.

"Alright," He said seriously, holding it out to me. "You put your lips just on the hole. See that small hole by the end on the left side? When you breathe in just move your finger over it and off it slowly and repeatedly. Here, watch me."

I watched as he held the piece up to his lips, a lighter in his left hand. The flame flickered as he pressed it down against the weed. He breathed in slowly, his finger bumping off and on the small hole he indicated. He then moved the piece away from his mouth, pausing a moment before sucking more air in. Finally he let out a sequence of smoke rings, turning to smirk at me before handing me the piece.

"See, easy as pie."

I took the piece in my hands, my heart beating in my chest. Pressing it to my mouth and placing my index finger on the hole, I waited as Ronnie lit the green buds.

"Breathe in," He instructed, and I did. I could taste it. It burned my throat on the way down. I tried to move away from the piece but Ronnie shook his head. "Keep breathing. Again. Is that it? Alright now suck in a small bit of regular air. And let it out."

My throat burned and I couldn't stop coughing. I saw the other guys laugh from where they were.

"And boom!" Max said, grinning. "She's high."

I stopped coughing after about thirty seconds. Ronnie set down the piece on the coffee table, handing me his can of soda, which I accepted gratefully.

It took about five minutes before I really felt an effect. Everything was warm and floaty, and if I concentrated a bit, my legs felt like they weren't connected to my body. I laughed.

This was amazing. I felt a thrill run through me. Everything was so much better. I saw Ronnie grinning at me, and I smiled back, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I told you that you'd like it."

I had to give him that. I did like it.



I heard my phone's ringtone and I slowly opened my eyes, uncomfortably unaware of my surroundings. I looked down to see my body cocooned in dark blue blankets and sheets. My naked body. Great.

I took a deep breath before looking over at the lump figure sleeping next to me, already suspecting who it was.

I was in Ronnie's apartment, in Ronnie's bed. And sleeping next to me was Ronnie himself.

I slammed my head back onto the soft pillows, running a hand through my unkempt hair.

Fuck.