Be My Escape

The next few days consisted of me going through the motions of waking up, going to work, and coming home, but I wasn’t really all there. Ever since Josh and I’s fight, he had been avoiding me, which I guess I understood but at the same time I didn’t. No matter how many times I told him I didn’t know about Beth, he refused to hear it and continued to hate me. It really sucked.

That wasn’t even the worst of it though, although it was right up there. The worst part was Josh wasn’t the only one who was mad at me; all of the guys were pretty upset. I understood that, though. Josh was their best friend first. I was just some girl intruding on their life who would be gone soon. It hurt though; I hated how Max would hardly look at me. Not only did it hurt, it was an extremely lonely life to live.

After a few days of getting the cold shoulder act, I finally decided to grow a pair and at least talk to Max. Josh may hate me right now, but Max was my brother and I hoped that would count for something. I decided to call Max when I got home from work on Thursday, because then I would have to show up and have a chance of running into Josh.

“’Ello?” he answered on the second ring. I was a little surprised he wasn’t in the studio, but then I just figured Josh was doing vocals or Dan was working on drums or something.

“Hi Max,” I said, my voice small.

“Peyton,” he acknowledged, which made me sad. I hated how this was all happening and I couldn’t do anything to stop it because no one believed me.

“I really need to talk to you,” I told him finally. “Can you come over or something? If you aren’t busy.”

He sighed and was silent for a few minutes, but then he finally agreed. We hung up, and merely minutes later there was a knock on my door. “Hi,” I said as I opened the door. Max just nodded and brushed by me into my flat. I sighed and closed the door, then wandered into the kitchen, where Max was currently sitting at the counter.

“So what’s up?” he asked.

“You won’t even look at me these days, Max. I have to tell someone my side of the story before you all decide to burn me at the stake,” I huffed, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Look Peyt, what you did to Josh was shitty, alright? I know you guys have your fights and whatnot, but he didn’t deserve that.”

I shook my head violently at this accusation. Just as I thought, Max had only gotten Josh’s side of the story. None of them were even bothering to hear what I had to say. “That’s not fair, Max! That’s not what happened.”

“Peyton, I was there. I saw it with my own—”

“No,” I stated firmly, standing my ground. He was going to hear me out whether he wanted to or not. “Max, you have to believe me when I saw I had absolutely no idea Beth and Josh dated. She offhandedly told me one day that she knew you guys, but she never, ever told me that she and Josh dated.” I sighed, the urge to cry burning at the back of my eyes. “Josh and I may not get along all of the time, but I’m not that big of a cold-hearted bitch. I would never do something like that to him.”

Max sighed too as he glanced at me skeptically. He obviously wasn’t sure if he should believe me or not, which I guess I understood. He was protecting his best friend. But I was telling the truth, and I hated that no one believed me.

“Max, please. You have to believe me.”

After a few more minutes of silence, he nodded and got up from the counter. He walked over and gave me a hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you Peyt. I should have never thought you’d do something like that to Josh.”

I pulled back and shrugged. “Can you maybe tell the other guys that I’m not the big bad wolf? The cold shoulder I’ve been getting from you all lately is kind of hard to take.”

He laughed and nodded. “I will, but you know Josh isn’t going to accept it. And the cold shoulder act may have to be kept up for a little longer, just so Josh doesn’t feel betrayed or some shit.”

I sighed, but knew it was true. “Okay. Thanks Max,” I smiled, hugging him again.

Once he was gone, I felt relieved. Josh may have still hated me, but at least I had a few friends back.

***

That Friday, Jake politely asked if he could take me out for a forgiveness dinner as soon as I got to the office. He reassured me that had he known that Beth and Josh used to date, he would have informed me a long time ago. I wasn’t exactly sure if I believed him, but I didn’t have any evidence that was pointing me in the direction that he was lying, so believe him I did.

I had been trying to avoid Beth all week, but of course that was impossible. It was a small office, and we were both interns. I couldn’t just avoid her, even if I wanted to. I was walking into the mail room to drop off some stuff when I ran into her doing the same thing. “Hi, Peyton,” she said happily, as if what happened on Monday hadn’t actually happened. It was amazing, really.

“Uh, hi,” I replied offhandedly, wanting to drop off the mail for my dad and get the hell out of there.

“Haven’t really seen much of you around this week. Are you avoidin’ me?” she smirked, which made my skin crawl. That bitch, I thought to myself, completely baffled that I ever called her my friend.

“Well, I generally like to stay away from drama seeking bitches,” I replied with a sweet smile. Two could play this game.

“Oh come off it Peyton. You still haven’t gotten the whole story of what happened between Josh and I, obviously. So get off your high horse, alright?”

I just rolled my eyes and put the mail in the bin for outgoing mail. “Look Beth, I don’t care to know what happened. You obviously did something, and those are my friends so I really don’t care to be friends with the bitch who broke one of my friends’ hearts.” I smiled again and patted her shoulder as I walked by. “Bye, bitch.”

I left then and went home to get ready.

Jake had informed me when I left that we were going to some fancy restaurant for dinner, so I should dress up. When I got home, I got a quick shower and then put on a turquoise blue bubble dress that had a brown belt around the waist and a pair of brown peep-toe heels. I did my makeup quickly, cursing myself as I threw out my last container of waterproof mascara seeing as it was empty and I had to use my regular mascara instead. Surprisingly, just as I was blow-drying my hair, Jake knocked at the door. “Coming!” I called out, turning off the blow dryer and hurrying to the front door after I grabbed my black peacoat.

“You look gorgeous as usual,” Jake greet me, kissing my cheek.

I blushed. “Thank you. You look nice yourself.”

He smiled as he took my hand and we headed out. We were relatively quiet on the walk to the restaurant, which was actually fine by me. I just didn’t feel like talking right then, only because I wasn’t really sure what I would say.

When we got to the Italian restaurant, Jake told the hostess his name seeing as he had reserved a table for us and she brought us to it. It was a nice booth in the corner of the restaurant, which I was grateful for. I always hated being at tables in the center of restaurants because then I felt like everyone was watching my every move. I set my little clutch purse that had my keys and phone in it in the corner of the booth and slid into one side while Jake slid into the side opposite me.

When our waiter came over and took our drink orders and left us alone, Jake finally tried to make conversation with me. He apologized again, and even though he sounded sincere, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was lying. I felt like this was partially Josh’s fault for planting the idea that Jake was using me in my mind. Now I couldn’t help but second guess his every move, which really wasn’t fair to him.

“It’s alright,” I reassured him once more, even though I wasn’t sure it was. I pasted a fake smile on though, and he accepted this as okay.

After we ordered our food though was when the whole night went downhill, and fast.

“So,” Jake asked after he took a drink of his water, “Do you want to be an editor? Is that why you’re interning with your dad?”

I shrugged. “I’m not quite sure yet. I want to be an author, but it’s hard to make it job-wise with just that. So I’m just expanding my horizons I guess.” I sipped my drink and asked him what he planned to do with the internship.

“Well, I interned with your dad last year, so I was hoping to get a job this year but it’s hard to offer university students jobs. So he gave me another internship, but it’s just not quite enough.”

I nodded in understanding. It was true; when you wanted to make it in a competitive job area like publishing, you had to push ahead, and an internship for two years wasn’t really enough.

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

There was something to Jake’s tone that had changed. It was sickly sweet almost, and I guess if I had been paying attention I would have realized he was going to ask me for something. I was stupid and naïve though, and I never in a million years would have thought he would ask me what he did next.

“Do you think you could maybe talk to your father?”

“About what?” I questioned, unsure what he was referring to.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe just put in a good word for me? You know, so when I ask him about a job again he’ll actually consider it.”

My jaw dropped. “What?”

“Well, you know, it’s always nice to have a reference. And since he trusts you since you’re his daughter, I figure your opinion would mean a lot to him. It may just be the ticket to getting me a job there.” He smiled broadly as he drank his water, which made my stomach turn. It was like he didn’t even realize how absolutely appalling what he was asking of me was.

“You’re kidding right?” I asked him, shocked.

His face twisted in confusion, and right then I realized he most definitely was not kidding. He was completely serious, and he expected me to get him a job. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.

I grabbed my coat off the seat and started to get out of the booth. I heard him calling after me, asking me what was wrong, which just both infuriated me more and made me even sicker. I couldn’t even believe this was happening.

What I really couldn’t believe though, was Josh had been right. Jake was using me, and I was too ignorant to notice.

I hurried out into the cold Reading air, shoving my jacket on as I rushed down the sidewalk. If there was anything good about where I was staying in Reading, it was the close proximity to almost everything. As I was walking though, the heel to my left shoe snapped right off, causing me to stumble and almost lose my balance. I caught myself though, ripped my other shoe off, and ran the rest of the way home.

When I finally got back to the building, I stopped at the door to try and look at my reflection in the window. Dark streaks were running down my cheeks, my hair was a windblown mess, and my eyes were red and puffy. I looked like I had hit rock bottom, but I didn’t even care. I just wanted to get to my flat and sleep for one hundred years.

Nothing could be easy though. Because when I got up to my flat door, I realized I had left my purse at the restaurant. “Fuck!” I exclaimed as another sob escaped through my lips. I couldn’t even get into my flat because I didn’t have my keys, and I couldn’t call anyone because I didn’t have my phone.

It was too much. I felt like the universe was against me. I let my back fall against the door as I slid down it, collapsing in a heap on the ground. I rested my elbows on my knees and face in the palms of my hands and I just cried. I cried over Jake using me; I cried over the fact that the only person I had told about Amanda in Reading had fucked me over; I cried because Josh was right; I cried because Josh still hated me and maybe would continue hating me for a long time.

I didn’t stop crying when someone said my name; I didn’t even look up, because I just didn’t care. When they touched me on the shoulder though, I jumped, and then I did look up.

In front of me stood Josh, looking slightly concerned. He didn’t even say anything, but I knew for the time being, Josh didn’t hate me. When I scrambled onto my knees to hug him, he didn’t protest. He didn’t stop me when I started to cry into his black t-shirt either; he just hugged me back and let me cry.

I knew right then that something serious had changed between Josh and me. Whether it was good or bad, something had changed, and there wasn’t anything we could do about it.