Be My Escape

I had never been one for naps. My mom used to joke that when I was little, I was the only baby in the world who wouldn’t nap. I’d just lay in my crib and look around, happy as a clam. As I got older, this didn’t change much. I still didn’t like naps. I hated the way I felt when I woke from one; the disheveled, ‘what time is it’ feeling that didn’t go away for the rest of the day drove me crazy.

So I guess I was surprised when I fell asleep on Hanna and my dad’s couch for a couple hours after our family breakfast.

I woke up to the sounds of a baby crying, which wasn’t exactly pleasant but it wasn’t a piercing wail so it didn’t bother me all that much. I rolled off the couch and wiped the sleep from my eyes. After stretching, I stood up and followed the sound of the crying.

I ended up upstairs, standing outside the baby’s nursery. I smiled as I saw Hanna rock the baby on her hip, trying to soothe her. When she noticed me, she smiled and ushered me in. “I’m just trying to calm her down enough so she’ll fall asleep so I can come with your father and you when he brings you to the loft.”

I nodded and reached out to touch the little girls hand. She instantly grabbed my fingers, wrapping her tiny hand around them and squeezed lightly. I smiled. “My mom used to call me the baby whisperer because no matter what baby, if it’s crying I can usually get it to stop.”

“You’re a miracle worker!” Hanna exclaimed as the baby quieted down. “I’ve been rocking her for ten minutes and she wouldn’t stop crying.”

I laughed and shrugged, reaching my hands out. “Can I?” I asked, wanting to hold my half-sister.

“Of course!” she exclaimed, handing her over. “Her name’s Emmy, short for Emily, after my mum.”

I smiled and held the tiny baby. She had bright blue eyes to match her mom’s and small wisps of what would eventually be long blonde curls on the top of her head. She was a gorgeous baby, but it was to be expected just by looking at Hanna. “She’s beautiful,” I gushed to Hanna, who smiled and nodded.

When Emmy started to fall asleep, I handed her back to Hanna who put her in the carrier resting on the ground. Neither of us moved as we waited for her to drift off to sleep. When she did, we smiled and released a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” Hanna whispered as she picked the baby carrier up. “Now what do you say we go see that loft of your fathers?”

***

“So this is it!” my father exclaimed as we walked up to a building where these lofts were located at.

I looked up at it. It was tall, but not huge, and it was brick but it was definitely aging. I still thought it was beautiful though. I had a bit of an obsession with buildings. My mom always thought I was going to be an architect or a designer, which I probably would have if I didn’t absolutely suck at math. “It’s nice,” I commented as we walked up the stoop and through the doors.

Once we were inside, I could tell just how tiny the whole building was. We had to walk up the stairs to the third floor, where my loft was at apparently. Once we got up the steps, we walked down the hall, about three doors down and then reached loft 26C. “This is it!” my dad said as he took his key out and unlocked the door, kicking it open with his foot while he dragged my suitcase inside.

Upon entering the loft, I realized how small it was. When we walked inside, we were standing in the small entryway. Walking further inside I found the living room and then the kitchen to the right, almost directly on top of each other. The only separation was a counter coming out in an L shape from the wall, almost like a makeshift island. The living room has a nice sized couch and a TV mounted on the wall. Standing in the living room, I turned to the left and walked down a small hall where a bedroom was located at the end of it. There was also a small bathroom off the hallway with a standup shower and a toilet and sink, but that was it.

“It’s… homey,” I said, trying to make it sound like I liked it as I stood in the doorway of the bathroom.

“It’s a bit tiny,” Hanna said apologetically as she held Emmy, who had since woken from her nap. “But, for a girl like yourself, it should be perfect. There’s a desk in the bedroom and a nice queen sized bed so at least you’ll get a good sleep each night,” she smiled at me.

I smiled too, thankful. “Thank you, it’s really great. I mean, you guys didn’t have to let me stay here. I could have easily just stayed with you…” I trailed off, peering down the hallway at the bedroom.

“Nonsense!” my dad said, coming up behind Hanna. “Are you sure this will be okay though?”

I smiled again, trying to be convincing. “It’ll be perfect. And I’m only fifteen minutes away from you and I’m only a five minute walk from the office. It’s really great. Really,” I stressed. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful, especially since they were doing so much for me.

“I’m glad you like it,” he smiled at me, happy. “Now, would you like to meet Max? I think he’s home…” he trailed off, looking to his wife for confirmation.

“Leave the poor girl alone, dear. I’m sure she’s exhausted, let her rest before you bombard her with meetings,” Hanna smiled at her husband.

He laughed too. “Okay, okay. Maybe tomorrow? I guess we’ll just go back to the house. The fridge is fully stocked and so is the pantry, so if you’re hungry just eat whatever you want. And ring us if you need anything, the numbers for everything are on the fridge.”

I nodded. “I’ll be fine. I’m probably just going to unpack and go to sleep, anyways.”

“Okay,” my dad smiled at me. He gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and then said, “Since tomorrow’s obviously Sunday, you won’t start the internship at the publishing house until Monday. Maybe you, me and Max can go grab breakfast tomorrow?” he suggested.

I laughed lightly. “Sure, but what about you Hanna?”

“Oh, I work love. I’m an interior decorator, and unfortunately I have the most obscure hours!” she exclaimed, pouting slightly. “The worst part of having my own business out of my own house. But we’ll have a celebratory dinner on Monday, with everyone, sound good?”

I smiled and nodded, then followed them to the door. Once we said our goodbyes, and they left, I shut the door, locking it in all places possible.

As I stood in the entryway just taking in the loft, a buzzing noise came from a speaker next to me, and then someone’s voice started to filter through it. “Dan, you fucking prick. Way to ditch us at the restaurant and then take the key with you too. Come on mate, buzz us in.”

I stared at the speaker box. “What the hell?” I muttered to myself as I walked over to it. I pressed the button and started to talk. “Uh, I’m not quite sure who you are, but you definitely have the wrong apartment.”

There was silence for a few minutes, so I rolled my eyes and walked towards the living room. But then I heard the buzzing again, and that same voice. “Well, could you be a doll and buzz us in then? Because I have no idea who you are but I think you might be in me and my mate’s loft.”

“Who is this guy?” I muttered, walking back over to the speaker. “Look dude, I don’t know you and I’m not buzzing you into the apartment. I don’t know who you are and I don’t even know if you live here. And you definitely don’t live in this apartment because it’s my father’s. So stop… buzzing me or talking to me or whatever it is you’d call it.”

Soon the buzzing stopped. I figured it must have been a misunderstanding or just someone being a jackass, so I pushed it aside. I walked back into my bedroom and decided I should put my clothes away. I knew if I didn’t unpack now, there was a chance I wouldn’t do it for my entire stay. I hated unpacking just as much as I hated packing.

I lay my suitcase on the ground at the foot of my bed and unzipped it. The first thing that popped out was the picture of my mom and me on my sixteenth birthday. I had a crown on that said “Happy birthday!” in pink and a braceface smile. My mom was holding me close and smiling too. I knew who was behind the camera, my stepdad, and looking closer at the framed picture, I remembered that there used to be another body next to me, but it was now folded under and hidden away from the world.

I fell to the floor in a heap, slipping the frame back into my suitcase. Tears appeared in my eyes and I knew if I looked at the picture any longer, I wouldn’t be able to forget who was hidden behind that folded picture. I wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears that I thought had long since dried up and evaporated.

I had left home to get away from all the memories, but it seemed it was impossible. There was no way to get away from something that haunted you every where you went.