Be My Escape

When you’re used to sleeping in a bed by yourself, waking up with someone is a completely different experience.

Maybe it’s the fact that, usually, when you wake up alone, you’ll find yourself sprawled across the bed with a leg hanging over one side and both of your arms spread out as far as possible, and when you fall asleep with someone else you can’t physically do this. Maybe, it’s the fact that waking up alone will never have the same appeal as when you wake up with someone else, that person so close to you that their body heat is your body heat and their arm is draped over you in a protective manner.

Or maybe it was something else entirely. But these were just some of the key things I picked up on as I woke up that morning.

Stirring on my side of the bed, I found Josh was pinning me down with his arm. I tried lifting it off, if only so I could get out of bed and go to the bathroom, but his sleeping form was having none of that. I groaned to myself quietly and rolled over so I was facing Josh, who was on his side facing me.

I tried to take in all of his features while he was still asleep and I was awake. The way his hair was such a mess, the way his lips were formed in a small smile, and the way his chest rose and fell with each steady breath he took.

I didn’t get to watch him long before his eyes were fluttering open and he was rolling onto his back to stretch. He rolled back onto his side to face me, a giant grin on his face. “Mornin’,” he said, reaching out to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. It was a sweet gesture, but a futile attempt because my hair was a hot, uncontrollable mess in the mornings.

“Hi,” I smiled right back at him, a pink tint taking over my cheeks as I clutched the thin sheet that was the only thing separating Josh from me.

“So, last night was…” he trailed off which worried me instantly. Did he regret it? Did he find me repulsive? Did he hate me all over again?

“Mental,” he finished with a nod, obviously happy with his word choice. I, however, was not.

“Mental? Mental good or mental bad or mental something else entirely?” I questioned him, the anxiety in my voice evident.

He chuckled and rolled onto his back again, folding his arms behind his head. “Relax, Peyton. It was very good; I just can’t believe it happened.”

I let out a sigh of relief and nodded in agreement. I couldn’t believe it happened either. But it did happen and now we had to deal with it. For now though, I was going to remain blissfully happy because it had been a long time since I had experienced happiness like this.

I grinned while I turned my gaze to Josh. “This is good though, right?”

He smiled and turned his head to look at me. He nodded. “Yeah, it’s very good, Peyt.”

The smile on my face showed a sense of accomplishment, because for some reason, getting show to admit his feelings for me the night before and still being content this morning felt like a huge milestone for the two of us. I sat up then, determined to not waste the day away in bed, even if that’s what I felt like doing most. “I’m going to go shower,” I informed Josh as I climbed out of the bed, taking one of the sheets with me as I grabbed a hoodie off the floor and slipped it on so I was at least half decent.

“Not without me, you aren’t,” he remarked, the smirk on his face evident in his voice.

I squealed like a little girl and raced off to the bathroom, Josh hot on my heels.

***

It’s hard to get yourself out of the house when all you want to do is lay in bed with your boyfriend all day, but I managed somehow. I don’t know how, but I did.

I guess it was because sometime after the fiasco that was Josh trying to get in the shower with me, which actually ended with more water on the floor than in the shower and took well over two hours once we both got done, Max called me and wanted to have lunch with me since he felt like he hadn’t seen me in awhile.

I reluctantly agreed, mainly because Josh had to go into the studio for an hour or two so I had nothing better to do.

After kissing me goodbye, Josh was gone and I headed over to see Max. I didn’t bother knocking because Max was waiting for me and instead walked right in, only to find my brother sitting in the living room playing Halo with Dan. “Hi guys,” I greeted them, and then took a seat on the recliner.

“Bullocks!” Dan exclaimed in frustration, slamming his controller down on the couch. “Peyt,” he said when he turned to me, “Remind me to never play with your brother again, yeah?”

I just laughed. “Okay, Dan.”

Meanwhile, Max was just sitting on the couch with a grin that said ‘I know what you’ve been doing’. “So, Peyton, where was Josh last night?”

I rolled my eyes. “Funny, Max.”

Dan on the other hand looked confused. “Wait, where is Josh? I haven’t seen him yet today.”

“Right now he’s on his way to the studio for an hour or two to work on some vocals or something.”

“And last night?” Max smirked. He was just trying to get me to confess my relationship with Josh so he could be all ‘I told you so, I told you so,’ which I really didn’t want or need.

“Y’know Max, you know damn well where Josh was so I don’t know why you don’t just come out and say it instead of acting all sly about the whole thing.” When I finished my mini-rant, I felt a little bad for being so bitchy, but at the same time I didn’t because Max was grating my last nerve.

Dan, still sitting on the couch looking confused and a little uncomfortable, piped up. “Well forgive me for asking, but I’m a little confused here so if someone wants to tell me where Josh was that’d be brilliant.”

I rolled my eyes. “He slept at my house again last night, and we’re like, official or whatever now,” I mumbled. I wasn’t ashamed of what Josh and I had by any means, but I just felt a little embarrassed for some reason.

“Congrats, Peyton. It’s about time,” Dan congratulated me as he got off the couch to give me a hug and ruffle my hair slightly. I blushed a little, but accepted and thanked him. He excused himself, leaving Max and I alone.

I turned to my brother and noticed his expression had hardened slightly. I sighed and asked him what was wrong, but he wouldn’t budge. “Max, come on. Something’s obviously wrong.”

“I just don’t want anything to go wrong, that’s all,” he mumbled. He turned to me and looked me dead in the eyes before continuing. “You’re my sister, Peyton, and Josh is like my brother. I love you both, so at the end of the day whose side am I on?”

He seemed genuinely upset about the situation, which confused me. It seemed a little early on to be worried about the end, in my opinion. I thought he was worrying for nothing, which I told him.

He answered me with an exasperated sigh and stood up from the couch, digging out his pack of cigarettes and his lighter in the process. One thing I had learned about Max while I had been in England was he smoked some, but he smoked more when he was nervous or upset. I hated that this was making him so upset, but I didn’t know how to fix it.

“Max, I don’t know what else to tell you. I appreciate you worrying about me like this but like I said it’s a little early on to be worrying so much don’t you think?”

He sighed, putting the cigarette in-between his lips and lighting it. He took a drag before he answered me. ”I don’t know, Peyt. You’ve been through a lot, didn’t think you needed a broken heart on top of it all.”

I smiled, suddenly very thankful to have Max. I got off the couch and walked over to hug him, and he returned it, careful to not drop any ashes on me. “Thank you Max, but I’m a big girl. I can handle it, okay? Have some faith.”

He hugged me for a couple more minutes and then let me go. “Well, what do you say we go check on Josh and see if he wants to get lunch with us?”

I smiled and agreed. Just then, as Max and I were walking out of his flat, I had never felt more of my life than I did in that instant. I honestly wasn’t sure how anything could go wrong, and after living an extremely pessimistic life for a year or so, it was a nice change.

The two of us walked out of the building and got in the car the guys were all sharing and drove to the studio. Max parked and the two of us got out of the compact vehicle and walked into the studio. For some reason, as I followed Max through the studio towards the control room, I felt like I was trespassing into some special area that I wasn’t supposed to be in. It was the same feeling I imagined I would get if I were walking through a door that said “Employees ONLY” or “Do Not Trespass”, but I continued to follow Max until we got to our final destination.

Josh was no where to be found though, but instead, some guy was sitting at the soundboard while Josh stood in the vocal booth, singing a part to a song. “Hey Matt,” Max announced so our presence would be known, and then we sat down in the two chairs sitting nearby.

The man I assumed was Matt waved to us and then the three of us sat and listened to Josh sing.

“Go back home now,
Go back to sleep, and we say,
Go back home with someone else who,
Wants you more than me.

Was it something I said? Something I did?
That made you destroy all we built.
It was something you said,
It was something you did that made,
Me think you weren’t real.”

When he finished, Josh took off the headphones he was holding up to his ears and walked out of the booth with a smile on his face. I don’t think he realized Max and I were there, because he immediately walked over to Matt and said, “How did that sound? That felt loads better.”

“Sounded great to me,” I smirked, startling Josh.

“Peyton! Max? When did you two get here?”

“Just before you started singing. Sounded great, mate,” Max told him.

Josh smiled. “What did you think Matt? Good for today?”

“Yeah, I think so. We can work on it some more Monday.”

Josh nodded and then said his goodbyes to the producer. Then the three of us walked out of the room. Josh greeted me with a kiss, but luckily he waited until we were out of the building to do so. “Hi,” he smiled, his face still close to mine.

I laughed lightly. “Hi back.”

“Enough,” Max said with a groan. “Don’t make me lose my appetite before we even get to the restaurant.”

Josh and I just laughed softly to each other as we climbed into the car.

“So where to Max?” I asked Josh wrapped his hand around my own and placed our intertwined hands on his lap.

“Wagamama’s because it’s been forever since we’ve gone, and that’s where you and Josh first met so I thought it’d be cute.” He looked at us in the rearview mirror and winked, which made me blush.

“Ladies and gents, my brother Max, embarrassing people since his birth,” I mumbled under my breath, only loud enough so Josh could hear me and burrowed my face in his chest. The laughter about what I said made his chest move up and down, and with it my head bounced too which made me laugh as well.

“Y’know, you two are almost too cute for your own good, and it’s only been what? A day?” Max shook his head in mock disgust, but smiled at us in the mirror. “You’re gonna get sick of each other soon if you aren’t careful.”

“Just drive, Max,” Josh smirked, pulling me in for a kiss. I tried to protest, but my attempts were futile and he was soon silencing me with his lips. I was so wrapped up in Josh that I hardly heard Max’s attempts to get us to quit.

Even though I was really happy with Josh, and I was happy with our newfound relationship and I was finally feeling like I fit in with the guys and England itself, I couldn’t get rid of the nagging voice that sounded a lot like Max saying to me over and over again to watch my heart.