Be My Escape

Waking up the next morning was the closest thing to hell that I had.

As I woke up with a headache so fierce it would make hammers pounding on my head seem tame, a stomach that was about as calm as the ocean in the middle of a hurricane, and a feeling that I was most likely going to die right there in England, I decided I was never going to drink again.

I rolled out of the empty bed, something that would have surprised me if I wasn’t too preoccupied with the fact that I thought I was going to be sick right there. I stumbled to the bathroom, collapsed on the cool tile floor, and emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Considering I hadn’t eaten much of anything the day before, I was basically just throwing up alcohol, but it was just as gross.

When I finished emptying my stomach, I crawled off of the floor and went over to the sink, where I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth quickly to rid of the horrible taste in my mouth. I walked out into the kitchen, the smell of hot tea luring me out, only to find Josh standing in front of the stove, fixing a cup of tea.

“Mornin’ love,” he greeted me, without even turning around.

I blushed. “Hi.” I walked over to him and he turned to face me, setting the cup of tea in his hands down and encircling his arms around my waist to hold me close.

“You had a bit of a rough night, yeah?” he smirked, teasing me.

I laughed and burrowed me head in his t-shirt clad chest. “A little, yeah,” I agreed.

“You know,” he whispered into my ear, “If you’re goin’ to act like you did in the bathroom last night every time you get drunk, I can’t be held responsible for makin’ you drink more often, yeah?”

The blush that spread across my cheeks almost instantly was so intense I was sure Josh could physically feel the heat radiating from my face through his t-shirt. “Y’know, it’s not fun to tease your girlfriend,” I reminded him as I pulled away, sticking my tongue out at him in defense.

He laughed. “It’s what I do best, love.”

I rolled my eyes and leaned over to the side to grab his cup of tea off of the counter. I took a sip, ignoring his protests that it was his cup and he didn’t want to share. When I finished irritating him, I handed the cup back. “So what are we doing today? Anything of significance?”

He shrugged. “We, the whole point of last night was for you to bond with everyone. But since we got, er, distracted,” he smirked at me knowingly, “I figured maybe we could try the whole bonding thing again tonight?”

I shrugged too as I leaned back and hopped up onto the kitchen counter. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, there’s this show,” he told me as he glided over towards me, moving to stand in-between my legs while he wrapped his arms around my waist. “It’s in London. The band are some really good friends of ours and invited the whole lot out for a little show they’re doing.”

I didn’t respond for quite some time. I’m not sure if it’s because josh had his lips ghosting over my neck, which was completely distracting, or if I was nervous. The idea of Josh taking me out with all of the guys didn’t scare me really. I loved these guys like family. But the idea of being brought into Josh’s world freaked me out a little. Did I really want to see what it was going to be like in a few short weeks when Josh and the guys were leaving me for the US to start touring again? Was I really prepared for that?

When Josh finally pulled back with a grin attached to his lips, asking me what I thought, I couldn’t help but nod. I could feel myself agreeing, telling him I would love to god. But deep down, I couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling in my stomach that was making me think tonight wasn’t a good idea at all.

***

If you were to ask me what I thought would go wrong that night as our huge group ventured to London, I’m not sure I would have said any of the things that actually did go wrong.

The first thing to go wrong was us missing our train to London. Picture this: our group consisting of Josh and I, Max, Dan, Chris and his girlfriend Georgina, and Matt and his girlfriend Lizzie all venturing down to the train station. The train was to leave at 11:30, because we wanted to get the earliest train possible since the show was at six and it took about two and a half hours to get to London. But getting a group of five guys to a train with only three girls is not easy. It’s actually damn near impossible, but for some reason Lizzie, Georgina, and I felt we could do it.

We were wrong of course. We didn’t get to the train station until about five to noon, and from there we had to wait until one o’clock for the next damn train to London.

When we finally got on the train and got situated, I thought maybe I could take a break and relax. Of course, this was not the case. Josh being the unreliable moron that he is thought he lost his wallet, and so we had to spend the first half hour of the train ride arguing over how irresponsible he is while simultaneously searching every single place we could think of for his stupid wallet, only to find it resting under his seat.

The train ride itself wasn’t bad, aside from me giving Josh the silent treatment for the first hour because I was severely irritated with him. He ended up apologizing, albeit a half-assed apology but still, an apology nonetheless, and we went back to being fine again.

It was when we finally got to London, and when we finally got to the venue that things started to get really rocky. At least in my mind they did.

When we got to the venue, the guys told us girls to wait outside while they went in search of whoever was getting us all in. Lizzie and Georgina were nice enough; they were extremely sweet to me, even though they hardly knew me, so we made polite small-talk for a few minutes. It wasn’t until the topic of touring was brought up that things started to get sketchy.

“This is all too familiar,” Lizzie said with a roll of her eyes.

Georginia chuckled and nodded. “Got that right. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have easily gotten into one of their shows.”

“Chris’s?” I asked, unsure of what she meant.

She laughed and nodded. “The whole guest-list process is so ridiculous that I usually end up buying a ticket, especially if its for a tour that I’m not arriving at the venue with the band. Those are the best, right Lizz?”

The blonde nodded knowingly. “The easiest at least. ‘s so ridiculously hard to get guest-list sorted out sometimes. It’s like, I just want to see my boyfriend who I haven’t seen in god knows how long. Give me a break, yeah?”

I didn’t say anything, but nodded. Maybe my expression gave me away though, because Lizzie patted my shoulder in reassurance. “It gets easier though. The time starts to go quicker and you get things sorted out so you see each other more, and it gets easier.”

Georgina nodded. “It does, love. It’s tough sometimes, but it’s worth it.”

Maybe it was them being so nice to me, or maybe it was their honesty. I’m not sure what it was, but something made me snap and start to ask them questions, questions I needed answers to and knew they’d give. “Do you ever regretgetting involved with the guys? I mean, all of that time that they’re gone…” I shrugged, kicking the invisible pebble at my foot. “Isn’t it hard?”

“Honestly?” Lizzie asked me skeptically.

I nodded.

“It’s a bitch sometimes. But you make it work, because you love each other. Y’know?”

I smiled at her response, but I was still uneasy about something. I pushed it aside because I saw the guys coming towards us. “Ready to experience something so fucking insane that I’m not sure words would suit it’s craziness?” Josh asked me as he looped his arm over my shoulders.

I laughed and nodded, and we all ventured inside.

I guess from the weird way the day was going, I should have known that this show was going to be a completely different experience. Sure, I had been to my fair share of concerts in my time, but nothing quite like this. Maybe I just hadn’t prepared myself properly, but whatever the reason, I was in no way ready for Bring Me the Horizon.

“Oli!” Josh greeted his friend with a fist-bump/hand shake type thing that only a guy could manage and then introduced me. “This is Peyton, she’s Max’s step-sister.”

I smiled at Oliver, but my facade faltered for a second as I realized what Josh just said. I glared at him with an intensity only I could muster and said, “Really?”

He looked at me funny, slightly confused, before realizing his mistake. “Oh! Peyton, she’s my girlfriend as well.”

I smirked in triumph and turned to Oliver, sticking my hand out for him to shake. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same,” he nodded, a smirk appearing on his lips. “Yeh’re quite the feisty bird, aren’t yeh?”

I laughed nervously, a blush appearing on my cheeks. I was embarrassed, but who wouldn’t be? The way I acted around Josh --kind of obnoxious, a little bossy, and overall weird-- was okay when it was just Josh and I, or Josh and the guys, but with new people I felt embarrassed. “Yeah, she’s feisty alright,” Josh quipped laughter in his voice.

“Seems to be what yeh need, ‘specially compared to that last bird. She was a proper bitch.”

I laughed. “Was? Still is,” I told Oli with a smirk.

He returned my laughter and nodded. “I like ‘er Josh. Keep this one around, yeah?”

Josh and I just smiled at each other, a small, secret smile that said we weren’t planning on going anywhere any time soon.

The rest of the night went pretty smoothly. It was a whole different atmosphere for me, seeing a hard band like Oliver’s, but it was a nice change of pace. When the show was over, Josh was making his rounds and saying hello to his many friends while I stood off to the side in the back of the venue near the bar. I sipped my coke and took in the whole scene of kids and bands and older people and realized, this is Josh’s life. This was what he did all of the time, and this was what he lived for. A chill ran up my spine as I realized this. I’m not sure why, but I felt like I was intruding on some part of his life and I hated that.

Just as I was trying to shake the feeling off, I felt someone standing next to me. I looked over only to find Oliver. I smiled and said hello. “Great show.”

“Fhanks,” he nodded, trying to get the bartenders attention. When he did, he ordered a beer and turned to me. “So, yeh’re obviousleh from the States, so what brings yeh ova ‘ere?”

I shrugged. “My dad, for the most part. I’m working over here for the summer before I have to go back to the States for college.”

Oliver nodded knowingly. “So yeh and Josh are a new fhing then?”

I nodded, but gave Oli a confused look. “Why?”

“Yeh look a little lost, like this isn’t yehr scene. Like yeh don’ know wha’ ta do.”

I smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “Well you would be right.” We were quiet for a few minutes before I got the same feeling I got when I was talking to Lizzie and Georgina earlier. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

He nodded.

“Does it get hard?” I asked, my voice quiet.

“The tourin’ and stuff?” I nodded again. “Yeah, sometimes. But yeh make it work, yeh know? If yeh love someone, yeh make it work no matta what.”

I smiled, as if I was satisfied with his answer, which suited him. We talked a little more before he had to go, so we said our goodbyes. I thanked him for the advice, and he told me to not worry so much.

I went off to find Josh with a little more confidence than I had a few hours before, which was slightly reassuring.

I should have known something else was going to go wrong, though. I should have seen what happened before it happened, because I should have known that nothing could be perfect forever.

Because that night, after the long trek back home and after the ridiculous train ride with the boys semi-drunk, and saying goodbye to the guys and Lizzie and Georgina, and after Josh and I ventured back into my flat and just about collapsed in bed, the exhaustion from the day finally setting in and taking over, I should have known the day couldn’t end perfectly.
I wasn’t used to the nightmares anymore; after all, I hadn’t had one in so long, I had forgotten how to train myself not to wake up in a fit of fear and screaming.

When four AM rolled around, and the nightmare set in, and I woke up screaming, Josh just about had a heart attack.

“Peyton! Peyton! Peyton, wake up! Bloody wake up!” he said loudly, shaking me to wake me.

I thrashed around on the bed before finally bolting upright. I was breathing heavily and there were tears in my eyes, and for a few minutes I forgot where I was. But as I looked at Josh, a look of terror spread across his face, I was shocked back to reality.

“Peyton, what the hell was that?” he asked, still worried.

I shook my head. “Just a nightmare,” I told him quietly, throwing my body back on the bed and turning my body away from him so he couldn’t see me cry.

“That was not just a nightmare Peyton. What’s wrong?”

I shook my head and didn’t bother answering him. He waited for a few more minutes before sighing and laying back down to sleep again. He must have thought I had fallen asleep again, because I caught him saying, “I wish you would open up and tell me what’s wrong.”

I didn’t say anymore. I just closed my eyes and prayed to fall asleep, nightmare free.

I assumed if I just went to bed and woke up in the morning, everything would be fine, that I would wake up and Josh would forget it ever happened. I hoped everything would still be just as good as it had been for the past few weeks.

I should have known that you never assume, and that hoping gets you nowhere.