Be My Escape

When I got home from work that night, I was actually exhausted. I knew my father was planning on having me over for dinner, along with Max, and I knew it meant a lot to Hanna which was probably the only reason I wasn’t canceling. Hanna was a sweetheart who just wanted me to be comfortable and to make me feel welcomed, and I couldn’t very well turn down a home cooked meal. It was, afterall, only my second night there and I wasn’t exactly a professional chef in the kitchen.

So, that was why I found my self getting a shower and changing into a pair of my favorite jeans and a plain white v-neck so I could go over to my dad’s place for dinner.

Max had left a message on my phone saying to just come over when I was ready so we could walk over to our parent’s place together, so after grabbing a plain black zip up hoodie and slipping my vans on, I headed out the door. I knocked on Max’s door and waited patiently for a minute, but when no one answered, I knocked again.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” someone grumbled from the other side and then seconds later the door swung open. In front of me stood Josh from earlier, and he surprisingly looked even more miserable than he had when I had lunch with Max and him. He rubbed at his eyes sleepily and said, “Can I help you?”

Rolling my eyes in annoyance, I planted my hands on my denim clad hips and said, “Just here for Max.”

“He’s out with his lass tonight, so I’m afraid you’ll be here for awhile if that’s the case,” he
told me, shoving a hand through his already messy hair and then shaking it out abruptly. His moves were so fast and structured in a way that told me this was one of his habits. It instantly annoyed me.

“Seriously? We were supposed to eat at our parent’s place tonight. Why the hell didn’t he tell me?” I grumbled under my breath, irritated both by Josh and Max’s actions and the fact that I was extremely tired from work.

Sighing, I brought my gaze back up to Josh’s and shrugged. “Alright, well tell him… whatever, see you later,” I said finally, giving Josh a quick wave before heading off down the hall.

“Hold on,” he said, surprising me and stopping me. I had only known Josh for a few hours, and we already weren’t getting along, but his tone suggested he felt bad for the way he was acting. “Look,” he said when he caught up to me, “Sorry about Max. He has a tendency to be an airhead, especially when a lass is involved. But if you need some help getting to your dad’s, I can walk you over.”

I almost brushed him off. I didn’t like Josh; he was kind of a douchebag. But I really didn’t want to walk over to my dad’s place alone and I was kind of mad at Max for leaving me to fend for myself. So instead of brushing him off, I shrugged and nodded. “Alright.”

We walked in silence for the first few minutes of the walk, but then Josh spoke up. “Sorry for being kind of an arse earlier.” He didn’t elaborate anymore. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye to try and gauge how sincere he was being, but I couldn’t figure him out.

He looked at me too, pulling his beanie further down his head and stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans, and smirked. “You seem confused.”

“I am,” I told him bluntly, and then shrugged. “I mean, I don’t think I like you. You rub me the wrong way, in all honesty, but right now you seem kind of alright. I’m just not sure if that’s because you feel bad for being a douche earlier or if you’re trying to get in my good graces or if it’s just because I’m Max’s step sister.”

He shrugged too, but didn’t elaborate on the subject anymore which was fine with me. We were quiet for the rest of the walk to my dad’s, and when we finally got to their humble little house, I turned to Josh with my hand perched on top of the little gate. “Are you hungry?” I asked him suddenly.

“I guess I’m not going to turn down one of Hanna’s famous feasts. She’s a beast cook if I do say so myself,” he smirked and brushed by me into the house.

“Sneaky bastard,” I muttered under my breath. “The only reason you came was to get food!” I called after him, running up the steps to knock on the door.

“Peyton! Josh! What a surprise,” my dad said, engulfing me in a hug and shaking Josh’s hand. “Where’s Max?” he asked us, stepping aside to let us into the house.

Almost instantly, I was hit in the face with a delicious smells of home cooking, and my mouth started to water. It had been awhile since I had a good home cooked meal, and now that I was here I couldn’t be more excited.

“He’s out with that lass of his,” Josh filled in for me when I was too busy drooling over the smell of the food. “I hope it’s alright I came instead. Didn’t want Peyton here walking over by herself.”

“Of course, of course! The more the merrier,” My dad exclaimed and then ushered us into the living room. “Why don’t you two relax and Hanna and I will finish up dinner, yeah?”

I nodded and smiled, collapsing onto the couch while Josh took a seat next to me. “I am exhausted,” I mumbled once my dad left. A yawn escaped from my lips, showing just how tired I really was.

“It’s the jetlag,” Josh told me, not taking his gaze away from the TV.

Way to state the obvious, I thought to myself with a quick roll of my eyes. Old Peyton would have been quick to open her mouth and tell him so, but new Peyton had a habit of keeping things to herself. At least with most people. Josh seemed to have this effect on me that made me want to tell him when he was being stupid, but since we were in my dad and Hanna’s house, I figured I would be civil since they obviously liked him enough.

Maybe, I thought to myself as Josh continued to flick from channel to channel, it’s me who has the effect on Josh? Maybe I make him cranky. That was ridiculous though. I had only known the boy for a day, he couldn’t possibly dislike me that much.

Although, I disliked him that much. But I had my reasons, and he didn’t; he didn’t know me or what I’d been through.

I heard a baby cry, which suddenly snapped me out of my little internal debate. I was done caring what Josh did or didn’t think about me. He wasn’t going to be around long enough to get past my bitter front I put out for him, so it really didn’t matter.

“Peyton, love, can you go calm done Emmy?” Hanna called from the kitchen.

“No problem!” I called back and got off the couch. I started to walk out of the living room, but I felt Josh’s eyes on me. I turned around and sure enough he was staring at me. “What?”

“Can I come? I haven’t seen Emmy in forever,” he answered honestly, already getting off the couch.

“Uh, sure…” I trailed off, spinning back around to head up the stairs. I padded up the carpeted staircase and made a left done the hallway that lead to the nursery. I could hear Josh’s footsteps behind me so I knew he was still following. I opened the door, only to find Emmy sitting in her crib, crying her little eyes out.

“Shh,” I shushed her, hurrying over and picking her up. “What's the matter?” I let her tiny frame rest against my chest and her head nuzzled against me. Almost instantly she stopped crying and instead snuggled me. I laughed lightly, bouncing her up and down softly to continue comforting her.

“You have a way with little ones,” Josh commented, walking in and coming up to Emmy and I. He bent down and kissed her lightly on the top of her head, which was almost enough to make even me melt.

Almost.

“My mom calls me the baby whisperer because I can get any baby to stop crying.”

“Miracle worker, you are. Emmy’s one of the fussiest little ones I know, and you got her to stop just by picking her up.”

I laughed quietly and shrugged. Once I knew Emmy was asleep, I lay her down in her crib again and pulled a blanket up over her small frame. Looking down at her tiny, innocent body made me want to cry. I wanted to be that innocent again; I would have given anything to be that young again, to think that nothing bad would ever happen to you or anyone you loved.

Suddenly, I felt I couldn’t take it anymore and I hurried out of the room. I collapsed on the top of the staircase and rested my head against the wall, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths to compose myself. It was ridiculous how the smallest thing could trigger the bad memories.

“Peyton?” Josh questioned. I looked at him only to see he was looking down at me with a worried and confused expression.

“I’m fine,” I said automatically, standing up and brushing off the imaginary dirt from my legs. “Let’s go eat, yeah?”

***

“So, how’s my Maxie?” Hanna smiled as she looked at Josh.

Josh laughed at the nickname and wiped his mouth with the napkin sitting beside his plate. “His head’s in the clouds half the time, honestly. That lass of his had really gotten him tangled in love. I don’t understand it, but there you have it,” he shrugged, taking another bite of his dessert.

“Aw, now Joshy, don’t be so bitter about love,” Hanna scolded him. Hanna was the perfect mother, and she liked to pass her motherly wisdom on to all of Max’s friends. She treated them just like her very own.

Josh merely shrugged, which made me roll my eyes. “Yeah Joshy,” I joked, “don’t be so bitter about love.”

He glared at me, which surprised me a little. Josh and I had managed to be civil throughout the whole dinner, but all of a sudden he was giving the saying if looks could kill a whole new meaning. Needless to say, I instantly shut up.

“So,” my dad said, clearing his throat and with it went the awkward tension. “How’s school been going back home, love?”

I shrugged. I couldn’t tell him how I was just barely getting by. Studying was a lot harder when all you wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and sleep for the rest of your life. “It’s… going.”

“So Miss Know-It-All isn’t as smart as she let on, eh?” Josh mumbled, only above a whisper so no one but I could hear him. I gave him a swift kick in the shin, shutting him up instantly.

Once we finished our dessert, I told Hanna and my dad that Josh and I should probably get back. “This was so amazing,” I told Hanna as I gave her a hug. “Really, I’m just exhausted.”

Hanna nodded in understanding, and once we finished our goodbye’s, Josh and I left.

We were quiet for the first few minutes of the walk. We were both stuffed, having eaten way too much of Hanna’s delicious cooking, so we were taking our good old time getting back to the apartments. I glanced at Josh out of the corner of my eyes and took in his demeanor. He seemed innocent enough, which may have been the problem. Maybe the girl Max had been talking about that ‘crushed Josh’ really had crushed him.

“What’s your deal?” I asked him, suddenly unable to hide my curiosity.

“What do you mean?” He continued to stare forward, not even so much as glancing at me.

I shrugged, stuffing my hands in the pocket of my hoodie. “I can’t figure you out. You hate me almost instantly, but then you’re relatively nice to me when we’re alone. Then all of a sudden, back at dinner, you started to hate me again. And now, I have no idea. So, I mean, what’s your deal?”

Josh shrugged too, looking down at the sidewalk as he kicked a piece of gravel. “No deal. You just frustrate me sometimes.” Finally, he glanced at me. “What’s your deal Peyton?”

“What do you—”

“I mean,” he cut me off, “You seem like this quiet, innocent girl, but then when you speak to me, you’re this firecracker. You almost had a nervous breakdown after putting Emmy down to sleep, and apparently you’re having a hard time at university which doesn’t seem to suit you.” Josh shook his head. “You’re smart, or else your dad wouldn’t have you interning for him, yeah?”

I glared at him. “You don’t know me, Josh. You don’t know a thing about me.”

“And there goes the firecracker,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Forget I said anything, yeah?”

I shrugged and didn’t say anymore. We finished the walk back to the apartments in silence. We only spoke again when we got to our respective floor and were outside of Josh’s flat. “Look Peyton, I may not know a thing about you, but it’s a two way street alright? I’m sorry if I upset you though.”

I looked off down the hall, but nodded. I couldn’t speak, because if I did there was a chance my voice would crack and tears would spill down my cheeks. I was the definition of emotional trainwreck.

Josh sighed, his hand opening the door. “G’night,” he mumbled, disappearing into his flat.

With a shake of my head, I headed into my own flat. I just needed a hot bubble bath and a good sleep.