Remember Last Knight

&Elle

Moving in. We’re moving in. Knight is here, and so is Ayden. My parents are working, but they’ve promised to follow us up later this weekend to check out my “new digs,” as my father has put it. Box after box is carried up to the third floor of my hall, packed with my shoes and clothes and toiletries. I wheel up the last suitcase, slamming the trunk of Knight’s car behind me. I’m here. I’m where I’ve always wanted to be. I’m home. Austin, Texas. University of.

**

“I’m getting a little hungry,” Ayden said. He was sitting at the edge of my bed, cross-legged on the floor. I knew he was hungry. He’d been fidgeting and his stomach had been growling on the ride up here. “Are we going to go check out this new cafeteria any time soon?”

I glance at the time on my phone, biting my lip. I’m hungry too, but I told my new roommate, a girl named Anna who had been going here for years now, that I would meet her here, in our dorm, after her Psychology class got out, which means she should be due here between ten and twenty minutes.

“I’ve got to meet my roommate, but you and Knight can go ahead if you want, and maybe Anna and I will just meet you there?”

Ayden sighed, thankful, and got to his feet. He started toward the door, grabbing hold of the doorknob, looking back at Knight. “You comin’, dude?”

Knight shook his head. He too had been sitting on the ground, leaning back against my bed. “I’m alright for now. But I’ll catch up. You remember how to get there?”

Ayden grinned. “Yes, and no. If I get lost I’ll ask a sweet little Freshman how to get there.” Finishing that statement, he raised a hand in goodbye, and closed the door after him.

I kept my eyes on the door, without meaning to. It still amazed me how civil, even friendly, Knight and Ayden could be with each other, though I knew the last few months had worn at their threshold and toleration for each other.

I was still watching the door when Knight stood up, wrapping an arm around me. I felt him turning me away from the door, towards him, burying his face in my hair, pulling my head to lean on his chest.

“Are you nervous?” He whispered, fingers curling under the hem of my shirt. I took a breath, inhaling his scent, the smell of fabric softener and mint shampoo, shaking my head. No, I wasn’t nervous. Not nervous about college. Not nervous about meeting my roommate for the first time. Not nervous about the three hours and twenty five minutes between us. Not nervous about my brother and him fighting while I’m away. Not nervous, at all. I gulped.

Knight pulled away, one of his hands leaving my back, only to pull at my chin, forcing me to look at him. He smiled, both hands resting on my neck. He smiled and pulled me close, his face only centimeters from mine. I watched his lips. He watched my eyes. “Don’t be nervous, Elle. This is a big step for you. Don’t be nervous. Be excited. Be thankful. Be blessed. Whatever you do, don’t be nervous.”

Knight kissed me. Fingers curling around my skin, touch warm, mouth smooth, he kissed me. And that very second, I knew what he was feeling. He was nervous. Like me. He was excited. Like me. He was blessed. He was thankful. He was scared. Like me.

I would miss him. I would miss this. Not the kissing, though I would, but the feelings. The feeling of him holding me, and whispering to me. I would miss laughing with him, and at him, and being able to jog to his house or call for a ride just so we could simply be together, in each other’s company. Somehow, I pulled him closer.

“I love you, Knight.”

“I love you, Elle. I love you so much.”

The door opened quietly. I didn’t hear it over the blood in my head, or the fast beating of my heart. I didn’t hear Anna enter. Until she closed the door.

“I don’t mean to intrude,” she said, quickly dropping her books onto her desk, pulling her purse from her shoulder to hang on her chair. She turned back to us, smiling, face a little flushed, either from walking in on us or from hurrying to the dorm, I couldn’t know. I dropped my hands from Knight’s neck, stepping forward to meet my roommate.

She had been smiling. And reaching out in my direction, arm and hand ready for a shake, when she looked from me, to Knight, and then to me again – her hand hesitated in mine, as she looked back up at Knight. I heard her squeak, her voice low, something along the lines of “oh.” She looked back at me. “I’m Anna James. It is so great to finally get to meet you.”

Anna and I had talked some, over the phone and via Skype. She was sweet. She was smart. And overall, she was nice. She had answered all of my questions eagerly, from class sizes to food choices to what the interaction rate was there – was it high school pubescent or was it slowly maturing, wholesome boys and girls? She had laughed at my questions and my jokes. We had both set down a good biography of each other, learning that we came from the same town, same neighborhood almost, and had a lot of things in common. She was a junior, she was majoring in Child Psychology, and she wasn’t serious with anyone right now. I had figured that we would be a great match.

“Hello, Knight,” Anna said over my shoulder. I knew my head jerked back, my brow furrowing, as I took a step out of the way to witness this interaction between them. Knight wasn’t looking at her, only looking at me, as he replied, “Hey, Anna.”

I had the worst thought. I did. My first thought was that this girl, Anna, who I had thought was pleasant and kind and perfect, who was from my town and had gone to my high school, had slept with my boyfriend. Once upon a blue moon, long ago, she and Knight had fallen into a drunken stupor together and had sex. That was my first thought.

And that is why I am definitely going straight to hell.

“How’s my brother? Do you still hang out with that scum?” Anna asked, and she was smiling. “I mean, considering that you basically improved yourself by one hundred fold by somehow catching yourself pretty little Elle Rogers.”

“Andy’s great as ever,” Knight said, taking as much of a seat on the edge of my bed as he could considering all of the suitcases and boxes. His hand wiggled into mine, and he pulled me down beside him. Anna wheeled her chair over closer, sitting down. “He still hasn’t grown up.”

Anna shook her head. “Of course. That’s Andy James for you. He wouldn’t know how to grow up if you offered him a million dollars and put him in classes for it.” She smiled again, scooting back more in her chair, pulling her feet under her. She looked more towards me now. “I guess when I asked if you were seeing anyone I should have gotten a name, right? Oh, well. You two are adorable. And mighty serious, right? Did I hear a little I love you from you Mister Harvey or was I imagining things? Wishful thinking? Proud sister and friend? Oh, did I just cross a line… I apologize. You know how I don’t know how to shut up when I get talking, oh... well. I’m just happy you’ve grown up. Not that you were ever completely immature. You’ve always been a step above my brother. If only that could have rubbed off. Thank you.”

Knight squeezed my hand. I looked up at him. He was staring ahead at Anne. I’m not sure that he actually realized what he was doing. He nodded once, and whispered, “Like I said before, you’re welcome.”