There's Nothing Left for Me to Say

I hadn’t moved from my spot on the floor once I started reading—I couldn’t. Chase wasn’t lying when he told me Mikey tried to kill himself—twice. I glanced at the clock—sun down wasn’t for another forty minutes—when the park did close. My brain seemed to go on auto-pilot. I got up and grabbed my bag and left the house. My feet moving in the direction the rest of my brain was screaming ‘no’ to.

He wasn’t lying; he was sitting on the same bench I left him on earlier. I couldn’t breathe—I hadn’t run like that in a long time, but mostly because he still had that effect on me. I kept myself to his back as I approached him. Just as I was a foot away from him he turned around and stared right at me. He jumped over the bench and pulled me to him—hands roaming everywhere to make sure I was real.

He pulled away from me and just stared at me—everything he wanted to say to me, I could read in his eyes. That’s something I’ve never had with anyone else—the ability to just speak to each other with our eyes—no words. We both had agreed at one point that words became a daunting task that mocked your true feelings. They could diminish meanings meant on a grand scale or they could amplify the wrong meaning—always twisting and turning into something else entirely.

“It, it never meant anything, you have to know that—never. I, I just got carried away in the moment and then I stopped myself and that’s when I realized I had messed up. If I could do that then, would that mean I’d do it again in the future? I couldn’t take that risk and I couldn’t stand myself for giving in like that—so easily.”

"Calm down Ell, I'm not going anywhere--not right now."

He just let me ramble—I told him everything. How I made it out here; how I ended up living with Charlie—everything. It wasn’t until I noticed the change of lighting that I realized we were still outside in the park—he always does that to me. He makes me forget where I am, it’s as if nothing else exists but he and I.

x X x : : t i m e – l a p s e : : x X x

I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. My sides were aching and he was laughing just as hard as I was. I noticed his face change expression and as he spoke his tone had taken a more serious note.

“You do know this is the exact same place we were when we first established this don’t you?”

I smile and nodded; “How could I forget something like that? I’d have to be completely mental.”

“What made you come back? I was shocked when my mom told me I had a surprise in my old room. We’ve been overseas for six months—I hadn’t realized we were gone that long. When I saw you sitting on my bed, well you know what happened.”

He smiled sheepishly at me and I gave him my own in return. I remember that day exactly.

"Oh honey I'm so glad you're home! Did you boys enjoy yourselves?"

I heard the unmistakable sounds of Mikey and Gerard answering their mother.

"Mikey, there's a surprise for you in your room--I hope it hasn't spoiled."

I heard footsteps up the stairs and down the hall and watched as his door knob turned and his door flung open. He just stood there, eyes wide and mouth gaping. I gave him a small wave and weak smile; that's all he needed before he shut the door and ran across his room and tackled me.

He was straddling my waist, looking into my eyes; driving me crazy at how such a simple touch could ignite such a fire in my body. He grinned down at me before cautiously covering my mouth with his own in a simple yet passionate kiss. He pulled off just as quickly as it happened and just stared at me. Questions poured from his eyes; questions I didn't know how to answer just yet.

The only thing that mattered was he was here and I was here; this moment, right now. I pulled him down to me and locked his lips in another passionate yet lust filled kiss. One that took us further than we had been in a long time.

“It was the day you left—outside the airport. We were just two people of thousands who were bustling around to get to their terminals or say their own goodbyes—yet I still felt as if it were just you and I standing there. There were no screaming children, heart-wrenching cries from loved ones sending their significant others away—just Ellie and Mikey.”

“Then I kissed you, I remember that. Your face was etched in shock I couldn’t help but laugh at you. Then you pulled me into one of the fiercest kisses we’ve ever had and I knew right then and there, I was still going to fight for you.”

He reached across the table and took my hand—like he did the last time we were here and looked my straight in the eyes.

“Ellie, I’ve done a lot of thinking the past months I’ve been away from you—after seeing you again, I don’t want to lose you again. I will say this again, we’ve been doing this for a few months now too—kind of like last time.”

He reached with his free hand into his pocket and pulled something out—what I didn’t know. I knew exactly what it was the moment he placed it on the center of our table. I just stared at it.

“I’ve already asked you once—I’ll do it again if I have to, but you did say yes the last time.”

I finally looked up at him—he meant every word. He still wanted me as he’s told me numerous times before.

x X x : : t i m e – l a p s e : : x X x

Our hands were joined together as we stood facing each other—smiles adorned on both of our faces. Nothing else mattered but the man standing in front of me—nothing.

“Lets get one more.”

We turned to face the camera that had captured most of our memories of today already and smiled. As soon as the flash went we turned to face each other again. I heard the footsteps fade away as I stood staring into his eyes—we finally had a moment alone.

He leant down and captured my lips with his own and pulled me as close as was allowable. His hand cupped my face as if I were the most delicate thing he had ever held and my own found his waist. We continued just holding onto each other—content in the mere presence of the other for a while before he broke the peaceful moment we were having.

“We’ve got to go—they’re waiting.”

I smiled—something that hasn’t been able to leave my face all day. We walked hand-in-hand in the front door of his grandmother’s house—the familiar path we took years ago when we celebrated my birthday—to the backyard. I heard the tune we had danced to so long ago and the welcoming applause as our DJ announced to the crowd;

“For the first time in public, I give you, Mr. and Mrs. Michael James Way.”