The Ghosts Of Our Past Will Come Back to Haunt Us

When Johnny discovered I'd called the clinic behind his back, he'd immediately called them back and cancelled the appointment I'd labored to get for him. Then he began yelling and ranting at me, which of course only got my blood boiling. For ten minutes, we were in each other's faces, arguing over absolutely nothing.

It was ridiculous.

Johnny and I had been at odds for a full month, and however small of an attention span they possessed, our two eldest children were beginning to notice their parents stand-offish behavior. Every night as I put them to bed-alone-one of them, sometimes both, would question me about Johnny. 'Whewr Daddy?', they would ask. They missed their father, and it broke my heart that he was never here to kiss them goodnight.

"I wan Daddy!", Isaiah called shrilly for nearly the millionth time. Ignoring my son's incessant pleas, I gently forced him into a laying position in his crib and covered him with a thin blue blanket. He immediately kicked himself free, loudly insisting he would rather his father come and perform the job.

But by now I'd more than had enough. I threw my hands into the air, my frustration at the current situation finally boiling over. "Fine, fine. You want Daddy? I'll got get Daddy."

The man of the hour was on the tour bus with his bandmates. Subconciously, I gritted my teeth. He was here shitting around  drinking his whiskey while I was trying to put our impossible toddlers to bed?

When Johnny spotted me, he grin immediately disappeared from his face. He set his bottle of whiskey, half empty, on the table next to him, stood up from his seat, and approached me. He certainly did not look happy to see me, but right at this moment, I truly didn't care. I just wanted him to come put our unruly children to sleep so I could drown away my sense of loss and helplessness with the assistance of the one and only Jack Daniels.

"What do you want, Hayliee?" Johnny's voice was deadpan; matter-of-fact. Lately, Johnny had begun treating me more like a business partner rather than his wife, as if our young family was a company was a company, where the only thing we exchanged we formalities. No emotions, no hugs, no kisses, no anything. Evrything was terribly wrong. 

I crossed my arms over my chest and shifted my feet slightly, uncomfortable under my husband's cold gaze. "Your kids, Johnny.", I snapped, deciding to act as unfeeling as Johnny. I stared into his brown eyes. They were empty, stony. Who was this man? "Remember them? They haven't seen you in three days and I think they'd appreciate it if you came and told them goodnight."

"Alright." Surprised by Johnny's immediate agreement, I could do nothing but silently follow him to the trailer.

Both Maddie and Isaiah sprang excitedly to their feet when Johny entered the trailer. I envied them slightly; they lived only in the now, and knew only that their father was here with them. "Daddy.", they both cooed, and reached out their hands.

Johnny kissed all three of his children goodnight, and the twins lavished in this attention from him. As be turned to leave and return to his friends and his whiskey, Isaiah called out, "Daddy, tay!"

Johnny stopped dead in his tracks. I could easily formulate the main questions coursing through his head just by looking at him: Should he stay with his children, like the good father he knew himself to be? Or should he turn his back on his family and go get plastered with his bandmates? My husband, the sweet, caring Johnny Seward, without a doubt would remain in the trailer with our kids. But I was beginning to fear he was once again becoming Johnny Christ, who didn't give a flying fuck about anyone but himself.

Johnny leaned close to me and whispered, "I can't stay! Where am I supposed to sleep?"

"I don't know. But if you're going to leave, tonight you can explain to Maddie and Isaiah why you've been sleeping on the bus for a month. Because I'm tired of being the one to do it."

Johnny sighed. I knew he wanted to stay, and truthfully so did I. It had been so long since I'd spent the nght in the same room as Johnny, and I was longing for even a little close contact. I could sense that he was beginning to break, so I decided to try and sweeten the deal.

"And if you stay…I guess you can sleep in the bed with me."

"Hayliee…" Johnny's voice sounded disapproving. Oh no. Did I say the wrong thing? "I don't think that's such a good idea."

I searched my mind for something to say. Because I was this close to having actual human contact with my husband and I wasn't about to lose this chance. "Johnny, we're married. It's not a crime for us to share a bed." Or to do certain other things that we haven't done in a month in a bed., I thought, then cast the dirty thoughts aside. No time for that.

"But-" Johnny began to protest, but stopped himself. "Okay.", he said. Not saying another word, he stepped to the side and peeled off his well-worn Metallica shirt. He dropped it directly to the floor and moved past me to lay on the bed. It took every ounce of self-control I possessed not to let my mind wander to not-so-clean thoughts of my half-naked husband on the bed behind me and what I'd like to do to him…

Dammit, too late.

"Ni-Night, Mommy." Two tired voices rose from the other side of the room as I laid down in the bed. I made sure to keep my back to Johnny.

"Goodnight, babies.", I said softly. I felt Johnny's body tense next to me, so I added, "Goodnight, Johnny." Content with my husband lying next to me, I closed my eyes and for the first time in a long time, I fell asleep without a bottle of Jack Daniels in my stomach.

The first thing to meet my senses when I woke up the next morning was the scent of Drakkar Noir cologne. The scent was familiar and comforting, so I moved closer to it in my sleep. The sound of shifting sheets and a heavy weight on my waist is what finally drew me from this sweet smelling dream.

I've got to say, it gave me quite a shock to wake up in Johnny's arms. But I couldn't deny that I was enjoying this closeness, something we hadn't experienced in a month. There was no alcohol on either of our breaths and both Johnny and I were still wearing the clothes we'd worn to bed the previous night, so nothing racy had occurred last night. I'd simply rolled over in my sleep and sought out my husband's comforting arms.

"Do you think they fucked?", a voice-who obviously thought he was being quiet-said. There was the audible sound of flesh hitting flesh and then the same voice cried out, "Ow! Emmy, that hurt!"

"Woukd you please shut the fuck up, Zacky?", I growled. Johnny had remained asleep throughout the guitarist's outbursts and I'd prefer if he stayed that way.

"Comfortable, Hayliee?" This was Emmy's voice, laced with mischief. I snuggled closer to Johnny and mumbled an answer into his neck. Emmy just laughed. "Alright, we'll leave you two alone. Just keep your hands above the sheets." I flipped her off and she and Zacky retreated to their own room.

"Hmm…I'll say this isn't what I was expecting to see this morning, but eh, I'll take it." A deep voice, thick with sleep, drew my attention and I looked up to see Johnny-now fully awake-smiling at me, his brown eyes sparkling.

"Morning, Johnny.", I whispered. I glanded down, away from his face, for some reason feeling embarrassed. Butterflies were swarming in my stomach, chasing my words away. What the hell was wrong with me? "I-I guess I should get up now."

"Nah baby, why don't you stay?" With that, Johnny wrapped both arms around my waist, hands beneath my thin night shirt, holding me flush against his body. Well, looks like I didn't really have a choice in the matter now.

"So I guess we're not fighting anymore, right?" Johnny's voice was inquistive, yet nervous; he knew he was bringing up a delicate subject.

"No, we're not…but only if you forgive me." I wanted so badly for his answer to be yes. I wanted him to say he forgave me for the things I said-or hadn't said-so we could get our marriage back on track.

Johnny gently kissed the top of my head, sending a tingling sensation to the tips of my toes and fingers. "Of course I forgive you, baby.", he whispered. Then he kissed my lips, and all felt right with the world.

Three days later…

"Hayliee…Hayliee!" Emmy was calling my name repeatedly, trying to gain my attention, but my mind was somewhere else. Tiring of my lack of focus, she hit me in the arm and added, "Would you quit staring at Johnny and pay attention, please?"

Quit staring at Johnny… "I was not staring at Johnny.", I remarked. Ironic that that happened to be the first thing out of my mouth, when that was exactly what I was doing. Johnny was twenty feet away playing with the twins, and I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him. No matter how hard I tried.

"You were too staring at him!", Emmy contradicted. She crossed her arms over the Guns 'N' Roses t-shirt she'd stolen from Zacky. "Hayliee, you were practically raping him with your eyes!"

My face reddened intensly. "So? Emmy, Johnny and I haven't had sex in over a month. A month. Can you blame me for being a little horny?"

"A little? Hayliee my friend, I believe you've far surpassed a 'little' horny." She pushed me, jarring me from the dirty thoughts in my head, and laughed. "So when are you two going to get it over with?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you and Zacky could watch the kids tonight so Johnny and I could…"

"Oh, don't say it.", Emmy said, holding up her hand. "We'll watch the kids tonight. As long as you and loverboy over there try and keep the noises to a minimum."

I grinned wickedly. "No promises."

Later that night…

After taking the kids to Emmy, I went back to my own room to wait for Johnny. I wanted tonight to be perfect, so I'd picked out a sexy outfit that wasn't skimpy, but enough to secure Johnny's attention. A few days ago, I'd been skimming through a copy of Cosmopolitan I'd borrowed from Emmy and found an article I planned to use as well. Everything was going as planned. Well, except for one thing.

Johnny was no where to be found.

Where the hell was he? I was almost ready to go searching for him when the trailer door opened and he stepped inside. Johnny took one look at me-standing in the middle of the room, dressed in a pair of shorts and an off-the-shoulder top-and a grin split his face, lighting up his features.

"Hmm, you look nice. What's the special occasion?", he asked. He stepped over to me, wrapping his inked arms around my waist and pressing his face into the curve of my neck, inhaling the spicy scent of the perfume I'd put on just for tonight. "You smell good, too, baby. What's going on?"

Okay brain, now would be the time to get your ass in gear.

"Well, I sent the kids to spend the night with Emmy and Zacky so that we could have the night to ourselves.", I answered, breathing my words across his cheek.

"Oh. So uh, what are we gonna do with all this time we have to ourselves?" Now that he was beginning to catch on, Johnny's voice had acquired a playful air. It was a slight turn-on.

I ran my index finger along the top of his darkwash jeans before slipping it just beneath the hem. "I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" I moved my hand from the top of his jeans to the button and worked to undo it, next moving to his zipper.

Normally Johnny and I would just do foreplay and have sex, usually just missionary. Johnny sometimes asked for more, but more often than not I would reject him. It wasn't that I couldn't get into…'kinky' things, it was the fact that I felt like I didn't have the guts to do things that differed from the norm. But tonight…tonight I felt different. I felt like an animal.

I slipped my hand into his pants, leaving his boxers as a thin fabric barrier between our skin. I grazed my fingers across the tip of Johnny's growing member in a teasing manner, earning a groan from Johnny's throat.

"You like that?", I whispered against his ear. I skimmed my hand tantalizingly over the barely covered skin, almost taunting him, and Johnny fervently nodded his head, a groan that resembled a 'yes' slipping from his mouth.

Before I could chicken out, I gripped the elastic band of Johnny's boxers and slid them down, allowing his erection to spring free. Trying to recall what I'd read in Cosmopolitan, I dragged my index finger along the stretch of skin that ran the length of the underside of Johnny's cock. I made sure to pay attention to the more sensitive areas of my husband's, uh…nether regions before moving on the thing I knew would drive him crazy.

Using the thumb and índex finger of my right hand, I formed an 'ok' sign at the base of Johnny's thick member. I squeezed gently, prompting a string of grunts and moans to spew from Johnny's mouth. I smiled to myself. I was enjoying the fact that I could do all this to Johnny using only two fingers. I moved my fingers up Johnny's shaft, slowly at first, then moving more quickly. After a few minutes, Johnny's body jerked slightly, and something warm oozed into the palm of my hand.

"Sorry.", Johnny rasped against my neck.

"For what? That just means I've done the job right." I withdrew my hands from Johnny's jeans and rested them on his shoulders. "So what now?"

"Now…", Johnny growled seductively, moving his head to where his lips grazed the shell of my ear as he spoke. "I'm gonna fuck your brains out."

In an instant, my back met violently with the queen-sized mattress Johnny and I had only recently started sharing again. For over a month, the actions in this bed had been chaste, but I don't think that would last much longer. Through the thin fabric of my shorts, I could feel Johnny's hard-on pressing against the inside of my thigh, and my brain-over hyped on hormones-formed only one phrase: 'Oh, just fuck me now.'

Despite how hot and bothered we both appeared to be, Johnny was gentle with me. He skimmed his hands slowly over my curves, his calloused fingers barely touching the cotton fabric of my clothes. Our clothes were shedded slowly, each of us taking adequate time to sufficiently delight ourselves in the pleasures of the flesh. Johnny touched me delicately, treating me like a dainty piece of china. Normally, I would have enjoyed this more intimate foreplay, but it had been a month since the last time I'd gotten off, and I wanted it rough. I wanted my head to slam against the headboard; I wanted to scream Johnny's name until I went hoarse. And right now, this soft shit wasn't going to cut it.

"Johnny…", I led off, wanting his attention. He acknowledged that he was listening with a grunt. "What happened to fucking my brains out? Because you don't seem to be doing that."

Johnny finally looked up to meet my green eyes, with a look on his face that clearly said he was confused. "But Hayliee…I-I thought you liked-"

"Yea, I do. But right now all I want you to do is fuck me so hard it hurts."

The appearance of Johnny's features now could only be described as carnal. Now his smile had grown sensual and his brown eyes had lost their intimate sparkle; now only lust resided there. "Now that I can do. Just stop me if I get too rough. Okay, baby?"

"Oh, I don't think that's gonna be a problem.", I said, then pulled him close. "Now uh, why don't you make up for the fact that you've been sleeping on the bus for a month?"

"You got it, baby." Without another word, Johnny slammed into me full force, giving my body no chance to adapt to the sudden pressure.

Johnny gripped my bare slender waist with bruising strength, using that as a fulcrum of sorts so that he could pull all the way out more easily before sliding all the way back in. I bucked my hips so that with every thrust Johnny made, our hips would collide, sending flurries of pleasure to every inch of my body. Before long, the wooden headboard was jutting against the thin wall of the trailer.

"Fuck, Hayliee.", Johnny hissed, biting down on my name. Why I found that to be a turn-on, I'll never know.

The main thing I loved about being with Johnny was how he always knew what I wanted without me having to tell him. He always knew just the right spots to hit; the ones that drove me fucking insane. And by chance, the underside of his cock just happened to hit the spot that caused me to scream out Johnny's name, filling the tiny room with my shrill voice.

"D-Do that again. Please.", I begged, my voice shaking. "Whatever the hell you just did, do it again."

Johnny replicated his actions, this time hitting that certain spot more solidly. I dug my short nails into Johnny's back to prevent myself from crying out again.

"Johnny, if you do that again, I swear to fucking God I'm gonna come.", I whispered to him, a stark difference from just a few moments ago. The familiar coiling I associated with my climax had begun in my stomach, but I wasn't quite ready for this to end. Too bad my body didn't understand this. Only seconds later, I could feel my walls begin to clench around Johnny's thick cock.

"Goddammit, Hayliee.", Johnny grunted. As I watched, his brown eyes rolled to the back of his skull. A slew of curse words escaped his mouth as he coated my inner walls with squirt after squirt of his cum.

To me, it seemed unbelievable that such a tiny room could contain so much heat. And for some reason, I liked it. I loved the way the room seemed to be on fire. I loved the thin layer of sweat coating both mine and Johnny's naked bodies, and I loved the fact that the smell of sex lingered in the air. But most of all, I loved that things were finally back to normal.

I laid close to Johnny, inhaling his musky scent as the sweat dried on his skin. He held me against his body, using his left hand to trace random shapes on my lower back. This soothing motion-coupled with the rhythmic sound of Johnny's beating heart-lulled me quickly to sleep.

The last thing I thought of before I went under was the fact that Johnny didn't use a condom.

One week later…

"Mommy, tan go to bus?", Maddie's voice asked. I opened my eyes and found myself on my stomach in my bed, covers thrown aside, with Maddie and Isaiah three inches from my face.

"Tan we?", Isaiah added, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Alright.", I agreed, even though I really didn't feel like getting out of bed. For the past few days, I'd been feeling constantly tired-even after nine full hours of sleep-cranky, and slightly nauseous. In other words, I felt like complete and total shit. But today Johnny was preparing for a show later that evening, so I couldn't take another sick day.

"Mommy!"

"Alright, babies. I'm getting up." Gathering as much energy as I could, I forced my legs over the side of the bed and stood up. I changed clothes, ran a brush through my tangled brown tresses, snatched Nate from his crib, and herded the twins out the door.

"Hayliee, you don't look so peachy.", Emmy noted as I walked into the bus, Nate in my arms and the twins in tow.

I released the twins and they ran towards the Wii, which was conveniently already set to start Mario Karts. I sat down next to Emmy, balancing Nate on my knee, and whispered to her, "Yea, I haven't been feeling well lately. It must be a summer bug."

"How recently?", Emmy pressed. "A few weeks, a few days, since you and Johnny had sex…" Her voice trailed off, and it became immediately apparent what she was insenuating.

"Oh Emmy, no.", I said, shaking my head. "I-I can't be pregnant! I mean…"

"What? Hayliee, think about it. A week ago, you and Johnny have sex for the first time in a month-and while we're on that note, I don't ever want to hear you or Johnny make noises like that ever again-then you get sick. I think that sounds rather suspicious to me."

"But we…I…Johnny used protection!", I stuttered out.

"Did he? Or were you two so anxious to start screwing each other's brains out that you forgot?"

I thought back to that wonderful night. I remembered giving Johnny a handjob, then him treating me like a damn piece of china, and then we were fucking each other crazy and…

"Oh God." My hand flew to my mouth. "Emmy, Johnny didn't…he forgot…we weren't safe."

"Okay Hayliee, calm down." Emmy rested her hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me as I started to hyperventilate. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. "When are you supposed to get your period?"

"Six days ago.", I said softly. "Emmy, I think you're right! But I can't be pregnant…the kids are so young. How can this happen?" I scooped Nate into my arms, then placed him into Emmy's. "Can you watch the kids for a while so I can go talk to Johnny?"

"Sure.", she said. "Oh Hayliee, what are you gonna do if you really are pregnant?"

I glanced down at my stomach, trying to imagine another tiny life growing inside, expanding my abdomen for a third time. "I don't know, Emmy. I really don't know."

…

"Larry, have you seen Johnny?", I questioned Avenged's manager zealously. But Larry shook his head, saying he hadn't seen Johnny, so I was forced to look elsewhere.

I finally found Johnny backstage in the Avenged Sevenfold dressing room. But he wasn't alone; he and the guys were laughing and telling off-color jokes. By chance, Johnny looked up from laughing at Brian's joke and noticed me secluded in the dark doorway. He beckoned me over, but I refused. So he came over to me, now looking worried.

"Baby, what's the matter?", he asked, resting his hands on my upper arms.

I glanced down at my stomach, where my hands rested defensively, then back up at Johnny's face. "Johnny, I think I might be pregnant."

Johnny's jaw dropped, shock etching itself onto his face. "Oh shit."