‹ Prequel: Sexy Like Jesus
Sexy Like Jesus 2: He DOES Exsist
Sexy Like Jesus 2: He DOES Exsist
Sophomore year was very different than freshman year had been for Billie Joe Armstrong. A large part of that was likely the fact that he was in a different school. He, Mike, Tré, and the rest of the gang had transferred to John Swett High School in Crockett. Now they had a new friend; his name was Jason White.
As of now, they were sitting in the cafeteria, waiting for a teacher to explain what the purpose of this impromptu assembly.
"I heard Adrienne came over again last night," Mike nodded with his eyebrows. Billie smiled mischievously, "Yes. We studied. Four times. And twice this morning."
"Too much info, buddy," Mike cringed.
"Can't study enough," Billie chuckled. "That's what I always say."
"I bet," Mike shook his head. Adrienne came inside with the rest of her homeroom and sat next to Billie, "Hi, Bill! What are you guys talking about?"
"He was telling me how much you guys 'study,'" Mike smiled.
"Well, if I don't do it with him, he'll never do it," she said, really thinking Mike meant book studying.
"How's Billie at 'studying'?" asked Mike. Billie's eyes widened, "None of your business."
"What do you mean?" she asked. "I mean, he doesn't exactly do it long enough, but I suppose he's good at studying." Billie's eyes widened even more as Mike laughed, and he hit his head to the table.
Tré and Jason came over, bewildered, "What's going on, you guys?"
"You missed a once in a lifetime moment," laughed Mike. Adrienne blinked a couple of times, still completely oblivious of what the boys were really talking about.
"Head off the table, Armstrong!" yelled Mrs. Tenenbaum.
"Yes ma'am!" he said hurriedly, picking his head up. Mrs. Tenenbaum was Mike's American History teacher. She gave homework that had him up until one in the morning, and more than once, Mike had almost cried about the insufferable load with his other classes. She also hated Billie with a passion. Once she told him, "I can see you like to stir the pot."
"Well, if the pot needs stirring, I'm gonna stir it," he had been bold enough to reply. She thought him a troublemaker ever since.
He called her Mrs. TennenBITCH behind her back.
It wasn't very long before Ms. Diane (whom they suspected was called such because her last name was too hard to pronounce) came into the cafeteria and said, "Hello sophomores. Some of you may not know this, but your retreat is coming!"
"Retreat?" whispered Billie. "What's that?"
"It's when the class goes on a trip together," said Adrienne. "It's supposed to be a . . . bonding thing." Billie looked blankly at her, "Okay. Well, where are we going?
"We're taking you up to Cherry Hill to see the Sisters of Saint John," said Ms. Diane, as if she had heard Billie's question. She called a boy and a girl, and they started to pass out papers.
"While you're there, you're going to tour the Cherry Hill College and pray—"
Billie moaned.
"—for all your classmates' special intentions. You're going to write them on the blank piece of paper and turn it in. You're also going to be walking in a labyrinth, and each time you take a step, you will voice one of the intentions you write on the other paper." She stepped forward, "Like this, 'Step for peace.'" She took another step, "'Step for my family.' Get it?" The class nodded.
"We'll be leaving at six, so we need you here at five-thirty," Ms. Diane elaborated. "A.M."
"There's a five-thirty A.M.?" asked Tré.
"Five-thirty!?" screamed Billie. "Half the time I don't even get to SLEEP until SIX!" He stared at the two small papers in front of him, "It's Sal fucking Solo all OVER AGAIN!!!" He hit his head on the table.
"Oww," he moaned regretfully.
A week later, Billie and Mike were sitting in a double seat in a bus stationed outside the school. Behind them were Tré and Jason, and across the aisle from them were Adrienne and her friend/Mike's girlfriend Anastasia. It was still dark out.
"This sucks," said Billie. "This majorly sucks."
"You might want to look up 'majorly,'" Mike cut in. "I don't think it's a word."
"It's a word," retorted Billie, "in my mind."
"Hey!" Jason shouted. He lifted his head over the seat to look at them, "Do either of you know how long we're gonna be on here?"
"The paper said two hours," Mike replied. Billie groaned loudly, "That means two and A HALF hours!" He crossed his arms and sank into the seat, "I hate retreat." Mike looked at the camera hanging out of his bag, "Hey Bill, what's with the video cam?"
"Mom wants to document this forever," Billie rolled his eyes. "Unlike me."
Tré's head appeared over the seat next to Jason, "Well, whip it out, let's go nuts." A smile slowly formed on Billie's face, "Okay. He pressed the little red button, "Welcome to . . . the bus. This tape will document our adventures against the crafty foe called BOREDOM!" He turned the camera to Adrienne, "There's Adrienne Nesser, the prettiest girl in Pinole Valley High."
"Billie," she smiled humbly, "stop it."
"Pretty AND modest," he said. "How did I get so lucky?" Mike's hand suddenly covered the lens and turned the camera around, "I don't think you need a two hour tape of Adrienne smiling."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Billie said.
Two hours past so slowly they felt like two weeks. Billie looked out at Cherry Hill. He didn't know whether he rather stay on the bus or go out there. Mike motioned him to the door, "Come on, Bill."
"Okay, okay," he said, lifting himself out of the seat. They joined the group and Ms. Diane motioned them to walk to the convent. He took the camera and pointed it at the building, "Hi Mom. Welcome to Cherry Hill." He pointed at the door, "There's the convent thingy." They walked off a sidewalk step and onto a cobblestone street. About three steps later, Jason fell onto his back.
"And there's Jason busting his ass," Billie narrated. Jason pointed up at the camera, "Shut up, BJ." Still laughing, he said "We're gonna go in there and pray now; be back soon."
Their footstep echoed through the church. They made it into the pews, and Billie and Mike found themselves in the very first one.
"D'oh," whispered Billie.
Ms. Diane went up the front of the room and said, "I'm going to find Father Greg and Sister Sandy. I'll be right back." Her voice went on for a few seconds, and the kids stared around the room. A golden chandelier was high over their heads, four chains holding up a plate-like object. A candle was in the center.
"How do they light that?!" asked Mike, mesmerized.
"It's a miracle of God, Mike," said Billie. "A miracle of God." Mike stared, wide eyed, "Wow, he DOES exist!" Billie shook his head.
Ms. Diane came out with Sister Sandy and Father Greg, and they gave them a speech about God and life, before handing out the papers that stated what everyone was praying for. Billie looked for his name, "They spelled my name wrong!" Indeed, they that put him down as 'Billy Jo Armstrong.'
"Hey," said Tré, from next to Mike, "they reversed it! Now the 'Jo' is the girl from instead of the 'Billie.'" Billie stared at him, "You're a bad friend."
They walked out and took a tour of the campus.
"Here is the Cherry Hill college," said Billie, again holding his camera. There was a set of red-brick buildings, all rather identical. Billie taped each one, "Swank, huh?"
"How long would it take you to stop getting lost here if you went?" asked Mike.
"Three-and-a-half years," replied Billie.
"Five," answered Tré. There was a moment of laughter. Billie turned off his camera again, and they started to follow two students of the university around campus.
"If I intended to go to college, it would be here," said Billie when he saw they played 'Star Wars' films in the lounge.
It was about a forty-five minute tour, after which the class went to the labyrinth. To their shock, it was actually just a circle of gray bricks with a path made by red bricks.
"Welcome to the labyrinth," narrated Billie, "which I will probably get lost in, walls or no walls."
"Dude, if you get lost, just cut through," said Jason. Billie turned and said through clenched teeth, "You think I didn't already think of that? Like, duh!" Their labyrinth intentions were handed out to them.
"See you on the other side," said Billie, pressing the red button again. Billie's list was very long, but very basic; it had Mike, Tré, Jason, Adie, his mother, his father, and all his brothers and sisters' on it.
Ms. Diane let students inside the maze one by one, leaving about a minute in between the students. Billie finally made his way inside. The maze was extremely confusing. At times he was in front of people who went inside ahead of him, at times he was going through the same portion of the maze he had been in before.
"What the hell is this?" he asked. "'Step for Mom.' This is crazy! 'Step for Dad.' I think I'm gonna have a panic attack! 'Step for Allen.'"
Finally, he made it to the end of the labyrinth, the center. He looked at the other people walking around him, "Do I have to do the labyrinth walk out again? Because I think I might kill myself."
"No," said Ms. Diane.
"Yahoo!" he pumped a fist in the air and skipped away.
There was a large, pink room where they were to have lunch in. Adrienne and Anastasia sat with the four boys. Mike held Anastasia's hand, and Billie put an arm around Adrienne's neck as they ate.
"Bill-eee," she grinned. "We're around nuns, what are you trying to do?"
"Adie, you know I've given up on going to heaven," Billie munched on a piece of chicken. Adrienne waited for him to swallow and kissed him square on the lips. Anastasia and Mike rolled their eyes at both of them.
Soon after lunch, they were back on the bus. This time, Billie and Adrienne sat together and Anastasia and Mike were behind them. Tré and Jason sat behind both couples. Billie put back on the camera once more, "And here we have the next, but most certainly not the last battle against the dastardly BOREDOM!!!"
All four boys and the two girls pumped their fists in the air and shouted, "YEAH!!"
As of now, they were sitting in the cafeteria, waiting for a teacher to explain what the purpose of this impromptu assembly.
"I heard Adrienne came over again last night," Mike nodded with his eyebrows. Billie smiled mischievously, "Yes. We studied. Four times. And twice this morning."
"Too much info, buddy," Mike cringed.
"Can't study enough," Billie chuckled. "That's what I always say."
"I bet," Mike shook his head. Adrienne came inside with the rest of her homeroom and sat next to Billie, "Hi, Bill! What are you guys talking about?"
"He was telling me how much you guys 'study,'" Mike smiled.
"Well, if I don't do it with him, he'll never do it," she said, really thinking Mike meant book studying.
"How's Billie at 'studying'?" asked Mike. Billie's eyes widened, "None of your business."
"What do you mean?" she asked. "I mean, he doesn't exactly do it long enough, but I suppose he's good at studying." Billie's eyes widened even more as Mike laughed, and he hit his head to the table.
Tré and Jason came over, bewildered, "What's going on, you guys?"
"You missed a once in a lifetime moment," laughed Mike. Adrienne blinked a couple of times, still completely oblivious of what the boys were really talking about.
"Head off the table, Armstrong!" yelled Mrs. Tenenbaum.
"Yes ma'am!" he said hurriedly, picking his head up. Mrs. Tenenbaum was Mike's American History teacher. She gave homework that had him up until one in the morning, and more than once, Mike had almost cried about the insufferable load with his other classes. She also hated Billie with a passion. Once she told him, "I can see you like to stir the pot."
"Well, if the pot needs stirring, I'm gonna stir it," he had been bold enough to reply. She thought him a troublemaker ever since.
He called her Mrs. TennenBITCH behind her back.
It wasn't very long before Ms. Diane (whom they suspected was called such because her last name was too hard to pronounce) came into the cafeteria and said, "Hello sophomores. Some of you may not know this, but your retreat is coming!"
"Retreat?" whispered Billie. "What's that?"
"It's when the class goes on a trip together," said Adrienne. "It's supposed to be a . . . bonding thing." Billie looked blankly at her, "Okay. Well, where are we going?
"We're taking you up to Cherry Hill to see the Sisters of Saint John," said Ms. Diane, as if she had heard Billie's question. She called a boy and a girl, and they started to pass out papers.
"While you're there, you're going to tour the Cherry Hill College and pray—"
Billie moaned.
"—for all your classmates' special intentions. You're going to write them on the blank piece of paper and turn it in. You're also going to be walking in a labyrinth, and each time you take a step, you will voice one of the intentions you write on the other paper." She stepped forward, "Like this, 'Step for peace.'" She took another step, "'Step for my family.' Get it?" The class nodded.
"We'll be leaving at six, so we need you here at five-thirty," Ms. Diane elaborated. "A.M."
"There's a five-thirty A.M.?" asked Tré.
"Five-thirty!?" screamed Billie. "Half the time I don't even get to SLEEP until SIX!" He stared at the two small papers in front of him, "It's Sal fucking Solo all OVER AGAIN!!!" He hit his head on the table.
"Oww," he moaned regretfully.
A week later, Billie and Mike were sitting in a double seat in a bus stationed outside the school. Behind them were Tré and Jason, and across the aisle from them were Adrienne and her friend/Mike's girlfriend Anastasia. It was still dark out.
"This sucks," said Billie. "This majorly sucks."
"You might want to look up 'majorly,'" Mike cut in. "I don't think it's a word."
"It's a word," retorted Billie, "in my mind."
"Hey!" Jason shouted. He lifted his head over the seat to look at them, "Do either of you know how long we're gonna be on here?"
"The paper said two hours," Mike replied. Billie groaned loudly, "That means two and A HALF hours!" He crossed his arms and sank into the seat, "I hate retreat." Mike looked at the camera hanging out of his bag, "Hey Bill, what's with the video cam?"
"Mom wants to document this forever," Billie rolled his eyes. "Unlike me."
Tré's head appeared over the seat next to Jason, "Well, whip it out, let's go nuts." A smile slowly formed on Billie's face, "Okay. He pressed the little red button, "Welcome to . . . the bus. This tape will document our adventures against the crafty foe called BOREDOM!" He turned the camera to Adrienne, "There's Adrienne Nesser, the prettiest girl in Pinole Valley High."
"Billie," she smiled humbly, "stop it."
"Pretty AND modest," he said. "How did I get so lucky?" Mike's hand suddenly covered the lens and turned the camera around, "I don't think you need a two hour tape of Adrienne smiling."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Billie said.
Two hours past so slowly they felt like two weeks. Billie looked out at Cherry Hill. He didn't know whether he rather stay on the bus or go out there. Mike motioned him to the door, "Come on, Bill."
"Okay, okay," he said, lifting himself out of the seat. They joined the group and Ms. Diane motioned them to walk to the convent. He took the camera and pointed it at the building, "Hi Mom. Welcome to Cherry Hill." He pointed at the door, "There's the convent thingy." They walked off a sidewalk step and onto a cobblestone street. About three steps later, Jason fell onto his back.
"And there's Jason busting his ass," Billie narrated. Jason pointed up at the camera, "Shut up, BJ." Still laughing, he said "We're gonna go in there and pray now; be back soon."
Their footstep echoed through the church. They made it into the pews, and Billie and Mike found themselves in the very first one.
"D'oh," whispered Billie.
Ms. Diane went up the front of the room and said, "I'm going to find Father Greg and Sister Sandy. I'll be right back." Her voice went on for a few seconds, and the kids stared around the room. A golden chandelier was high over their heads, four chains holding up a plate-like object. A candle was in the center.
"How do they light that?!" asked Mike, mesmerized.
"It's a miracle of God, Mike," said Billie. "A miracle of God." Mike stared, wide eyed, "Wow, he DOES exist!" Billie shook his head.
Ms. Diane came out with Sister Sandy and Father Greg, and they gave them a speech about God and life, before handing out the papers that stated what everyone was praying for. Billie looked for his name, "They spelled my name wrong!" Indeed, they that put him down as 'Billy Jo Armstrong.'
"Hey," said Tré, from next to Mike, "they reversed it! Now the 'Jo' is the girl from instead of the 'Billie.'" Billie stared at him, "You're a bad friend."
They walked out and took a tour of the campus.
"Here is the Cherry Hill college," said Billie, again holding his camera. There was a set of red-brick buildings, all rather identical. Billie taped each one, "Swank, huh?"
"How long would it take you to stop getting lost here if you went?" asked Mike.
"Three-and-a-half years," replied Billie.
"Five," answered Tré. There was a moment of laughter. Billie turned off his camera again, and they started to follow two students of the university around campus.
"If I intended to go to college, it would be here," said Billie when he saw they played 'Star Wars' films in the lounge.
It was about a forty-five minute tour, after which the class went to the labyrinth. To their shock, it was actually just a circle of gray bricks with a path made by red bricks.
"Welcome to the labyrinth," narrated Billie, "which I will probably get lost in, walls or no walls."
"Dude, if you get lost, just cut through," said Jason. Billie turned and said through clenched teeth, "You think I didn't already think of that? Like, duh!" Their labyrinth intentions were handed out to them.
"See you on the other side," said Billie, pressing the red button again. Billie's list was very long, but very basic; it had Mike, Tré, Jason, Adie, his mother, his father, and all his brothers and sisters' on it.
Ms. Diane let students inside the maze one by one, leaving about a minute in between the students. Billie finally made his way inside. The maze was extremely confusing. At times he was in front of people who went inside ahead of him, at times he was going through the same portion of the maze he had been in before.
"What the hell is this?" he asked. "'Step for Mom.' This is crazy! 'Step for Dad.' I think I'm gonna have a panic attack! 'Step for Allen.'"
Finally, he made it to the end of the labyrinth, the center. He looked at the other people walking around him, "Do I have to do the labyrinth walk out again? Because I think I might kill myself."
"No," said Ms. Diane.
"Yahoo!" he pumped a fist in the air and skipped away.
There was a large, pink room where they were to have lunch in. Adrienne and Anastasia sat with the four boys. Mike held Anastasia's hand, and Billie put an arm around Adrienne's neck as they ate.
"Bill-eee," she grinned. "We're around nuns, what are you trying to do?"
"Adie, you know I've given up on going to heaven," Billie munched on a piece of chicken. Adrienne waited for him to swallow and kissed him square on the lips. Anastasia and Mike rolled their eyes at both of them.
Soon after lunch, they were back on the bus. This time, Billie and Adrienne sat together and Anastasia and Mike were behind them. Tré and Jason sat behind both couples. Billie put back on the camera once more, "And here we have the next, but most certainly not the last battle against the dastardly BOREDOM!!!"
All four boys and the two girls pumped their fists in the air and shouted, "YEAH!!"