Suicide Season

"Oh, what about this?!" Marina pulled a purple mini dress with gold embelishments from the wrack of dresses in my closet.

I looked up at her from my place on the floor, leaning against the small, square island in the middle of the closet that acted as my dresser with drawers on all four sides. I didn't even have to say no. I just looked at her disapprovingly. "I don't even know where we would be going." I said, rolling my eyes, and shivering as I sat in a towel, my hair already blowdried.

"Well if you wouldn't be so stubborn and call him back to find out what kind of a place you're going to then this would be easier." Marina said turning away from me to look at the other dresses. "Do you even want to wear a dress?" Marina asked.

"I don't know." I shrugged.

Marina pulled out my Alexander Wang grey silk dress. It was long sleeved and the bottom had an angle to it. I wore it to work a lot when I was in the office. "I know you love this dress. What about this one?"

"No." I said, looking down at my hands and twiddling my thumbs.

"Fine. Then no dresses." Marina took a few steps over to the next section in my closet. Tops. "I will get three outfits for you to choose from. You can pick one, and thats the one you will wear out tonight." She said, getting straight to work. I don't know what makes her think I wanted to go and have my anxiety bust through the roof and for me to lay in bed for the next three days. That's all I wanted to do right now. Lay in bed.

In no time Marina had three outfits laying on my neatly made bed, shoes included. "Okay, now I know that all three of these outfits look good on you and I tried to take weather into consideration." Marina said smiling excitedly. I had to admit, Marina was good at this - which she should be since she was a stylist in London - and the outfits were beautiful.

I sat and took each one in. The first outfit was a black sweater that was completely worn out in some spots (it was the way I bought it) with a white tanktop to go underneath, a pair of relaxed fit distressed bootcut jeans, with a pair of lace up high-heeled boots that went just above my ankles. Comfortable was what I had to call the style of that outfit.

The second outfit was a green sweater that showed off my shoulders, and had a brown belt around the middle. Tan colored pants that were extrememly tight on me, yet completely comfortable at the same time. The shoes... they weren't my favorite pair of shoes that I owned, but they matched the sweater nicely, and had a military feel to them. They were also one of my tallest pair of high heels. I wasn't sure what I thought of that outfit.

The third, and final, outfit was the most extravagent of them all. I knew I would not at all be choosing this one. It consisted of the purple dress she had pulled out earlier with shiny gold leggings and glod gladiator heels.

"Okay, well I can tell you right now that the purple dress lost immediately." I said, pointing to the outfit closest to my pillow. "That's something I would wear to a club - and if this boy brings me to a club I'll chop his balls off." I said, looking over at Marina who was frowning.

"But that one is my favorite!" Marina exclaimed.

"It's not appropriate for the type of occasion." I said taking the outfit and shoes back into the closet. "Now, I like the relaxed jeans and the black sweater but I don't know if that's right for the occasion although it looks most comfortable. I am going to choose the second one. I like the military feel it has." I said putting away the outfit that was closest to the foot of the bed.

"I knew you were going to pick that one." Marina giggled. "Now hurry and get dressed. He's going to be here in an hour." Marina said walking through the closet to the bathroom. "I'll be curling your hair and doing your makeup as well!" She called as I started to change out of the outfit I had on all day and into the new one. I put the shoes on, and walked into the bathroom. "Sit." Marina said pointing to the bar stool that I had in the bathroom, usually to sit on while I did my own makeup.

I sat down, and closed my eyes as she started to take my hair chunk by chunk and wrap it around the curling iron, spritzing each one with a bit of hair spray, then when she was finished she sprayed the curls again. Then she started on makeup. First she started off with a little consealer, then powdered my face. I heard her opening a package as well, so I opened one eye and saw that she had a package of fake lashes.

"Oh no you don't." I said opening both eyes and crossing my arms over my chest. "We don't have to go all out for this you know." I pursed my lips and furrowed my eyebrows.

"We're not." Marina said, walking over to me, package opened, and a pair of lashes and the glue in her hand.

I rolled my eyes then sat still so she could apply them. She then continued with green and tan eyeshadow, then some black liquid liner for the top and black eyeliner pencil for the bottom. Marina somehow felt the eyelashes she had applied weren't prefect enough so she took out the eyelash curler and fixed them to her opinion to perfection.

"No lipstick, please." I said standing up and looking in the mirror. I looked way too over the top for just going to have dinner with an old friend. Although I thought I looked pretty good, I wasn't fully comfortable going with Oliver. And it showed as I started to pace in the bathroom.

"Alright, listen you. Go take one of those xanax that the doctor prescribed you and I'll roll a joint. You've got to relax!" Marina said facing me toward the medicine cabinet. She walked away to the island in my room to grab the baggie of marijuana that I hid in my underwear drawer.

I filled a small paper cup that I got from the dispencer next to the mirror and noted that I needed to get more as I filled it with water and downed the pill. Marina came in a moment later, the joint in her hand. I opened the bathroom window and took the ashtray out from under the sink. I hadn't quit smoking, but it was in my lease that I couldn't smoke in the building. So I would sit in my bathroom, half hanging out the window and smoke my cigarettes, and the occasional joint. I handed Marina a lighter and walked to my room to see what time it was. It was seven forty-five.

"You know." I said as I puffed off the joint when she handed it to me. "You really shouldn't be smoking since you're pregnant." I said holding my breath and passing it back to her.

"Fuck off. I've looked it all up online and it's better than smoking cigarettes when you're pregnant." She said blowing out her first hit and taking another one.

"Aye, I suppose." I said letting the smoke out of my lungs. "I can't believe I agreed to do this. I'm going to kill you." I said taking another hit. "Bloody fucking kid is going to be here in about fifteen minutes." I said, starting to cough. I filled the small paper cup up with water and started to drink it. I usually stopped coughing really hard when I drank water while smoking.

"Don't be too much of a bitch when you're out on this date, Miss thing." Marina said pointing to me.

I rolled my eyes and took another hit before snubbing it out in the ashtray and lighting a cigarette. I hid the rest of them from Marina who was definitely wanting one. But that is where I drew the line. It said right on the package - may complicate pregnancy and I was not about to have that.

There was a knock on the door, and I felt strangely at peace as I put out the cigarette and hid the ashtray again. "You know, I'm kind of excited for this thing now. I feel much more calm." I said smiling at Marina as we walked downstairs.

"I knew you would." Marina giggled as she walked to the door. She opened it, and someone stood with a bouquet of flowers. It wasn't Oliver though.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Aye, I have a delivery for a Miss Veronica Carrington." The young boy said nervously.

"That's me." I said stepping forward, a questioning look in my eyes. "From whom?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, really. I was just told where to deliver it to." The boy said handing the flowers over, and walking away. I closed the door and took in the sweet, beautiful smell of the flowers.

"Is there a card?" Marina asked.

I looked into the bouquet and sure enough, there was one there. I opened it, and read it aloud as Marina read over my shoulder. "Sorry I can't make it tonight. Take a raincheck for me? I will call you in the morning. Oli."

"You know what weirds me out about it all?" Marina said looking at the card intensely.

"No." I said looking at her then to the card, and back to her again.

"It looks like it was written in blood." She said as her face turned up in a look of disgust.

"The kid has got sloppy hand writing, Marina. The color of the font is bright fucking red. It would be all dried and brown by now, sick-o." I laughed setting the flowers on the island that separated the kitchen and the living room. I had to admit, I was kind of bummed that Oliver wasn't going to show up, but it was also in his fashion to do such things.