Crescent Shrine

“Who shall I pick to read the next line – how about you Ann? Please read the next paragraph.” Mr. Tanaka, my English teacher said eyeing me. I nodded and stood up started where the last person, Kotoko, had left off.

“I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any more of me left. Everything that ever causes a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that the pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more.” I read, not stumbling, not murmuring, reading as if I had written this and it was a part of me.

“Perfect reading, but now what do you think that means Ann?” He asked leaning forward from where he sat on his desk.

“It means that the person who wrote this didn’t know what to do with her life. They felt pain for knowing that one day they will cease to exist, and the human race will forget that they ever existed. It seems like their life isn’t going the way they’d like it – that we keep hurting her and she does everything to hide the pain, but she can’t figure out what to do now.” I paused looking down at my desk, picking at the corner with my nail, “Because everything people have said has dug under her skin and is hurting ‘ten times more’. That’s what I think it means.”

Mr. Tanaka nodded at me to sit, “Great job Ann. Shuichi, why don’t you read the next one?” The red head nodded his head as he rose from his seat behind me.

“I'm not angry because we broke up, I'm sad because I can't let you go. I'm happy because of the memories we made, I'm sad because I can't stop reliving them in my mind. I'm not angry at you for not loving me, I'm angry with me for still loving you. I'm not angry that I lost you, I'm sad because I once had you. I'm not angry that I can't have you, I'm sad because I know what I'm missing. I'm not angry that you've moved on, I'm sad because I can't. I'm not angry that you won't come back, I'm sad because I keep hoping you will. I'm not angry because I hate you and don't want to...I'm sad because I miss you and I love you.” His silky voice read.

“Great as always, but what does it mean?” He asked. Mr. Tanaka was always a lazy teacher – but then again he had a degree in psychology.

“It seems like he can not get over his girl friend who he shared many memories with. From the third line it seems like she cheated on him and he’s accusing her of not loving him while he was still head over heels in love and he can’t move on.” He said simply. I felt like an idiot of giving such a long explanation.

“Close Shuichi.” Mr. Tanaka said arching his head back. The class gasped. He hadn’t gotten it right. “What he’s really trying to say is that the long distance relationship that the two shared didn’t last because she found someone new while he kept trying to make the relationship work. You completely missed that they were apart. Maybe you should be spending more time with Ann.” Shuichi sat down quickly. It must’ve just been dumb luck that I had gotten the point to my line correct – damn curse.

The end of day bell rang as Mr. Tanaka was giving us our homework assignment. “Finish reading chapter eight and memorise your lines for your skits. We’re performing them tomorrow.” I shoved my work books into my book bag carelessly.

“Anything you need to stay after school for, or are your parent’s making you go to the shrine right away?” Shuichi asked holding his book bag casually.

“I’m as free as a bird today.” I smiled, snapping the flap in place. He smiled down at me. Damn I was short. I squirmed quickly as a vibration screamed through my pocket. I dug my hand into my skirt pocket and flipped the phone open in one swift motion as it reached my ear.

“Sorry hunny, we need you at the shrine today. There’s a boy here that we need to exercise today. Sorry sweety.” My mom said hanging up. I sighed.

“I’m a caged bird today.”

“Like me walk you home.” He said smiling.

“It’s on the other side of town – I can’t let you do that - again.” I said as we walked out of the class room down to the cubby holes to change our shoes. I stood on my tippy toes to try and reach my compartment. How I wound up with a box over head, no clue. Kurama chuckled, opened my box and pulled my shoes out handing them to me. I huffed as they landed in my hands.

“I’m walking you home and that’s that. I’m meeting some people regarding a study abroad program near there anyway.” He said smiling taking my other shoes and placing them in the box.

“You’ll be sure to get it. Where are you looking at going to study?” I asked as we left the school.

“Most likely America.”

“That’s really far away,” I pouted, “But if you get it – which you will – you better contact me once a day.”

“Deal,” Kurama chuckled.

“Aw, here’s my stop,” I pouted as I jogged up the first couple stone steps, “See you at school tomorrow.” We exchanged farewells and parted our ways, although something did not seem right. I started the long five minutes trek up the steps to my family’s shrine. The same shrine which I would some day inherit – which I do not want to do. I would much rather jump the next guy I saw – no matter how ugly and fat – and do him right there.