I Married Alex Gaskarth

There was white all around me. And all I wanted to do is be in Alex's arms and cry into his chest. I was scared...and nervous.

Then out of nowhere trees started to appear all around me. And then I saw the well right beside me.

I gulped and closed my eyes as the sun shined on me and I took in the fresh morning air. Was this is it? Is this where my journey ends...?

My eyes filled with tears as soon as I opened them.

This was it wasn't it?

I screamed as loud as I could as my voice echoed all over the blue sky. I couldn't stand it. This was it? What about Maddie, Emma, and Alex?!

I'm dead. I'm dead...I'm dead!

I screamed louder and sobbed into my pale hands.

"Why! Why!" I sobbed into my hands and hoped that somebody would hear me...

"Alex! Alex?! I love you! I'm not dead! No!" I screamed again into my hands and hit my pale fist on the side of the oak tree.

"This isn't happening!" I screamed as I stood there in the woods all alone...

The sun shined more on me as I gasped and squinted.

"Marcy? Marcy, come with us...." I heard little girls whispering all around me as I gulped and walked towards the light.

"Marcy, we need you. You can do it." Their voices continued to echo in and out of my head as I walked closer to the light shining in between the trees.

"Hello?" I whispered.

"Come on, Marcy. It's your time..." One of them whispered as I heard a music box starting to play...And it sounded so familiar. It was the music box Troy got for Emma when I first had her in the hospital.

I heard it get more closer as I closed my eyes and stood in the light.

"Marcy's gone...I have to do this. I have to be with her. Stop being a fucking pussy, Troy! Take the god damn pills! You have to be with her...She's the only reason why you didn't kill yourself in the first place..." I heard Troy's voice echo all around me as I gasped and my eyes flew open.

The light continued to surround me as my pale skin started to sparkle and the voices grew louder all around me.

"Marcy, come back! I love you so much!" I heard Alex scream over and over again as my heart broke in two and I couldn't stand the pain anymore.

"I have to do this...I have to!" I heard Troy scream as I covered my ears and fell down on my knees and screamed to myself.

"Marcy, come on. We're waiting." I heard the creepy little girl's voices whisper around me.

"Get out of my head!" I screamed out again as my skin continued to sparkle and the light got brighter.

"Take the pills! Take them!" Troy screamed as I shook my head fast and sobbed.

"Troy, don't! Troy, stop!" I screamed bloody murder as my voice echoed and everything turned silent as a slight breeze blew upon my face.

I looked down at my hands as they faded and became dust. I gasped as all of me disappeared and I ended up at....my funeral?

I watched as everyone I knew walked into the church and Alex had Emma on his hip and Maddie had her tiny hand in his.

My eyes started to wail up with tears again as I followed them in. I jogged passed them as everyone stayed silent and took their seats.

The preacher came up and stood beside me as I watched everyone on the benches cry like crazy and stare down at the floor.

I looked at Alex who looked as if he hadn't slept in days and his eyes were bloodshot. I looked around for Troy...but I couldn't find him.

I turned around and walked up to my black casket and saw me in there with a white dress on and my make-up done. I was so pale and...dead.

I looked down at my hand and saw that Alex's rings he gave me were still on there.

I half smiled as tears flew down my cheeks.

"Marcy will be missed dearly..." I heard the preacher begin as I looked back at everyone and saw that my mom was crying like crazy onto my dad's shoulder and he held her tight to him.

I looked around more for Troy...

I started to panic. I walked over to Alex in the front row and saw Maddie and Emma crying and looking down at the floor as Alex held both of their tiny little hands.

"Mommy." I heard Emma whisper as Maddie closed her eyes tight, letting the tears fall down slowly on her cute little cheeks.

I sat down next to Alex and Maddie as he looked around the church as tears flew down his cheeks, but he wiped them away quickly and swallowed hard. He stared up at my black casket with fear in his eyes.

I felt so bad for him...and everyone here.

I put my hand on Alex's shoulder as he still stared up at the casket while the preacher talked about me and stuff.

"Alex,...It's going to be okay." I whispered as he continued to stare up at the casket.

"I love you so much...Please look at me." I continued to whisper as Alex stared down at Emma and Maddie and then around the church.

He sighed quietly as he met eyes with me and stared for a while and then stared back up at the casket.

I don't think he could see me...

Sadness rushed through my veins as I stood up and walked down the isle as people continued to sob.

I walked outside of the church as the rain poured down. I saw Troy's black mustang and arched my eyebrow up toward it. I then saw him inside of his car, squeezing the steering wheel tight as tears flew down his cheeks.

He was in a nice black suit with a bright white tie on.

I stared at him from in front of his car as he hit the steering wheel and then laid his head on it.

I went through the car and sat down in the passenger seat as I heard his sobs grow louder.

"Marcy." He whimpered as I placed my pale hand on his back.

"Hey, Troy...I'm here. Please stop crying." I whispered as my eyes filled with tears. I only saw Troy cry once back when I was a freshman. His grandma died and he was really close to her...This is the first time in forever that I have seen him cry.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as Troy looked up and the rain poured down harder on his car.

He took a picture of me and him out of his glove compartment.

He sniffed and continued to stare at it.

He turned the picture around as I leaned over to see what it said...

I'll always be your baby.

It said in my cursive writing in bright red pen with a heart by it. I gulped as Troy half smiled and a tear flew down his cheek, but he wiped it away quickly.

He flipped the picture over again. The picture was of Troy and I at his parent's house about four years ago and he had his arm around me and we were both smiling...

He still kept that picture...

"Would you look at that...You still kept that picture." I smiled and looked up at him into his sad blue eyes.

"I still kept the picture." He smirked down at it as my mouth parted slightly and I laid my head on his shoulder as he relaxed back in the drivers seat.

"I miss you so much..." I heard him whisper as I swallowed hard and closed my eyes.

"I miss you too." I replied.

"Alex...He uh...The day that I found you dead in that well...He was with Lisa." Troy whispered as I opened my eyes and looked up at him in shock as he continued to stare down at the picture of us both.

"I just wanted to tell you...I hope you're listening..." He whispered and stared up at the roof of his car.

I shook my head slowly.

"I mean...I don't know if he kissed her or anything...But he told me he was with her and her niece." Troy spoke softly as I gulped and tears filled my eyes again.

"Lisa?" I said in shock as Troy nodded.

"I know what you're thinking right now...You're probably pissed. I would be too. But...if you were alive...I should've of said what I am going to say now..." Troy paused as I stared at him curiously.

"The truth is...I would've killed myself if it wasn't for you. The night I found out you were pregnant with your second kid...I felt like killing myself. Because I knew...That you didn't need me. You had Gaskarth attached to your hip. I knew...that my chance was over. I couldn't have you. But you have no idea how much I desperately wanted you. I would take a bullet for you. I...would've taken your place in that well just so you could go on and live your life with your husband..." Troy's voice started to crack as tears continued to fly down my cheeks.

"And I wanted you to be with me...Ever since that day I heard you singing in the shower to our song down in California in our first apartment." He chuckled as a bright smile lit up his face.

"I want you to want me..." He whispered and still continued to smile as I smiled back.

"I need you to need me." I whispered back as Troy laughed and looked straight at me.

"I guess I should go inside now..." He looked back up at the roof of his car.

It felt like I was actually having a conversation with him...It didn't feel like I was gone at all...I can't believe Troy loved me that much. What about Ella? And that Samantha girl?

Troy got out of his mustang as I followed up the church steps behind him. He walked in as everyone sobbed and listened to Amazing Grace on the piano. Dallas was playing since she was good at piano.

Troy walked down the isle slowly and looked over at Alex who cried and stared down at the floor in shock.

I gave him a look of sympathy as Troy walked up to my casket and looked down at me as his eyes grew wide and his mouth parted slightly.

"I love you so much. I'll be waiting...You hear?" Troy whispered and pressed a soft kiss to my cold, dead, rosy colored lips.

"You'll always be my baby..." Troy whispered in my ear as tears streamed down his cheeks and my eyes wailed up with tears again.

"I wanted to give you this...I thought if you and Alex didn't make it. Then maybe we could've...Here." He whispered and set a letter down in my casket that had my name in his beautiful cursive hand writing on the envelope.

I swallowed hard and picked it up and opened it....

Baby,

These eight years with you have been the most best years of my life...You made me who I am today. Without you...There would be no Troy Davis. The first day I met you back in high school I knew that there was something special about you. The way you walked...and the way you talked in your precious voice that I could never forget. Damn. I might have a boner...Fuck!

I laughed to myself as tears continued to trickle down my pale cheeks. I then continued to read again...

There is nobody else in this whole fucking fucked up world that makes me feel the way that you make me feel, Marcy. I'm seriously not joking right now. You're the only one I looked forward to seeing in the mornings when I woke up for high school. You were my girl...and always have been. Ever since I met you at that high school football game when you dropped your dollar on the ground by the concession stands. But, hey...I picked it up for you and our hands brushed together. I felt a spark. Didn't you? And when Jenny told me you liked me...I fucking hoped to God that she wasn't kidding. But our Senior year you told me that she was lying...And that you didn't. I mean yeah...That fucking hurt like hell to hear you say that. But deep down I had a feeling that you felt the way that I felt. For those three years we grew to like each other...And maybe even loved one another...more then just best friends.

I couldn't continue reading...It broke my heart to know that Troy felt this way...I did like him so much...I wouldn't of had sex with him if I didn't...

I continued to read some more..

We moved in with each other right after we graduated together. We left Baltimore as soon as you gave birth to Gaskarth's kid. You told me that she was a baby girl and you couldn't bear to hold her. When I heard you tell me that with tears in your gorgeous blue eyes...I remember holding you in our bed and trying to comfort you. Telling you that...I would always be there for you and everything would be okay. And you actually believed me. You fell asleep in my arms every night for two whole years after high school. You didn't want to sleep anywhere else without me...I remember you saying that...I made you feel better... Did I ever tell you how much better you always did make me feel? You're the only reason I kept on trying with all my jobs and my life...I'm nothing without you. Without you...It's like...I don't know I can't explain it. But if I didn't have you...My life would be so fucked up and I would probably kill myself...Don't take that seriously, babe. I know you're not going anywhere...

I stopped reading for a minute as soon as I felt a presence behind me. It was Alex...

I looked back down at my hands and saw that the letter Troy gave me was in the same place I picked it up at. Right beside my head.

Alex looked at it curiously and opened it as he stood there in silence as sobs were heard from behind us.

I skipped down to the last part I stopped at as tears ran down my cheeks like crazy and Alex sniffed and read the letter slowly.

I peeked my head over his shoulder and started to read the last part...

I know you're not going anywhere...But anyways...I have to get on with this before I fucking fuck up and shit my pants...Marcy, you're seriously the best damn girl on this fucking planet. And when Alex leaves you...Or something terrible happens...I'm going to be here. Always and forever. I'm your boy, babe. I always will be. And you'll always be my girl. Alex Gaskarth or not.

I swallowed hard and looked at Alex who smirked and shook his head.

On your honeymoon I wrote this and...I already know what the future is going to bring that is why I am preparing myself for what I am going to say to your beautiful face. Marcy, will you be my baby...Forever and ever? Just like you promised...Just like we promised each other?

I love you, baby. I've always wanted you to want me...

Forever yours,
Your baby boy, Troy Davis.

Alex folded it up and put it back in the envelope, but then something fell out of the envelope as tears trickled down my cheeks.

It was a ring? A big one...

Alex stared at it in the palm of his hand and swallowed hard.

Was Troy really going to propose to me if Alex fucked up?

Alex put the ring back into the envelope and set the envelope back down into my casket by my head.

Alex leaned into me and placed his warm hand on top of my cold, pale, dead one.

"Just between you and I...I'll always be your baby." Alex smiled to himself and then tears started to wail up in his chocolate brown eyes again.

"Forever and ever, babe." Alex's voice started to crack as his face turned red and tears started to pour down his cheeks.

I gave him a look of sympathy and put my hand on his back and rubbed it softly.

"Forever and ever." I smiled as my skin started to sparkle again. I gulped and stood there in shock as Alex pressed a gentle kiss onto my lips and I dissolved slowly as Alex turned and met eyes with me.

He then started to speak as he wore a smile on his gorgeous face...

"I'll never let go." He whispered as I disappeared into thin air. The bright light then greeted me again as my heart started to beat rapidly up against my chest.

"Welcome, Marcy." I heard someone greet me with a low calm voice...

I made it...

I crossed over to where I needed to be...