Slash - I'm Gay, He's Straight

Taylor’s POV

I keep having the same nightmare.

I’m living in this picturesque little house in suburbia with my beautiful, faceless wife and two adorable kids, a boy and a girl. Next door my best friend Jake Chaplain is living in an identical house with his wife, Jenny, and his kids, Gloria and Julian.

I mean, I guess it’s kind of horrific on some level that I know Jake’s family details and not my own, but Jenny is his real life girlfriend and, since they’ve been going out for two years now, I guess it’s not all that odd that she fantasises about and plans their future together.

And I suppose you’d think if I was gonna have a gay little dream about my happy-clappy future I might factor in, say, Kelly Chaplain, the hottest girl at school, as my future imaginary wife, but to be honest I can’t see myself ever going out with somebody like Kelly Chaplain. I don’t have such wicked self-confidence issues that I obsess about being out of her league – I haven’t even thought about it like that. Let’s just say, I’d be more likely to fall for her brother than for her. And, unfortunately, that’s exactly what’s happened.

It’s a story as old as time. Or maybe, as old as being gay is socially acceptable. I’m the still partially-closeted gay guy in love with a straight guy who just so happens to be my best friend. But falling on love with your best friend, now there’s a cliché. It happens so often that really, I think it was out of my hands. Jesus Christ, people should have expected it would happen. I should have expected it would happen. But I didn’t see it coming until it actually hit me.

Jake and I have always been abnormally close, even for best friends. Not many best-guy-friends I know sleep over at each other’s houses every weekend, much less sharing the same bed. Not many guys I know would choose to hang out with their guy friends over their girlfriends, but Jake does so just often enough to give me that cruel spark of hope that maybe he sees me the same way I see him – though, obviously, the logic half of my brain is always more than ready jump in with a sneering yeah, right.

All the same, it wasn’t until two years ago, when I was fifteen and Jake had just turned sixteen the week before, that I realised I was attracted to him.

It was a Saturday morning and I had stayed the night at his. I had realised I was gay at age thirteen, and come out to my parents and sister the year after. Jake still doesn’t know I’m gay, or if he does it’s not because I told him. Kelly does, but she’s sworn to secrecy, and I can’t imagine my family would tell him either. I think he’d be okay with it, except the part where I’m in love with him.

Anyway, that morning I woke up and realised the bed was empty on his side. I stretched out, cat-like, groaned and rolled over so I was facing into the room. I could hear the shower running in Jake’s ensuite and I snuggled down into the warmth of the bed, reluctant to get up. The shower stopped humming and I heard the door slide back and sounds of Jake moving around. I kept my eyes shut; maybe if he thought I was still asleep when he got out he wouldn’t make me get up.

The door opened and I regulated my breathing.

‘I know you’re awake,’ Jake said, deadpan, ‘you’re smiling.’

I scowled, giving up the fight, and opened my eyes. Jake was standing over me in a towel, arms folded, accentuating his toned biceps and drawing my attention to his defined abs. I could feel my eyes widening – how had I never noticed my best friend was hot before? I dragged my eyes away from his body and forced myself to look at his face; his black hair was wet and clinging to the side of his face, and I noticed for the first time how defined his cheekbones had gotten recently under his midnight blue eyes.

‘So get up,’ Jake continued, ‘before I make you.’

More a tempting offer than a threat at this point, I nevertheless dragged myself from the bed went about getting dressed, sneaking glances at Jake as he did the same.

Over the next few weeks, my attraction to him grew and grew until, suddenly, it hit me that it wasn’t just attraction anymore. I was in love. With my straight best friend.

I knocked on the front door of Jake’s house and stood back, waiting for someone to answer. It was finally summer and the sun was beating down, making me sweat, and wish that all my clothes weren’t black. Finally I saw shapes moving beyond the dimpled glass and Kelly flung open the door.

‘Guess who’s here,’ she said angrily, stepping back to let me in.

I walked past her, sighing, because there’s only person who can get Kelly chaplain, the most laid back person on the planet, so wound up.

‘The Queen of England?’ I guessed, trying to get a smile. Not even close. Kelly hissed and rolled her eyes, stomping towards the kitchen. I followed her as she began banging pots and pans around to release her frustration.

‘I swear to god, Tay,’ she fumed, opening and closing the fridge without really looking inside, ‘if my STUPID TWIN,’ she shouted the last part, ‘marries that... that... thing, I’ll disown him. You know what she’s looking up on his laptop right now? Do you?’ Kelly slammed down a carton of milk on the counter and spun to face me, as if this whole thing was my fault.

‘No...’

‘Engagement rings! She is looking at fucking engagement rings!’ Kelly picked up a bottle of vodka from the assortment on the counter and waved it towards me. ‘She’s driven me to drink!’

‘What’s going on?’ Jake wandered into the kitchen, looking confused. He was wearing board shorts and a tight blue t-shirt and looked gorgeous. ‘Why are you shouting at me?’ Then he noticed me. ‘Taylor! When did you get here?’

‘Just now,’ I said, calmly taking the bottle of vodka from Kelly and putting it back down on the counter. I might need it later.

‘Well Jenny’s hogging the laptop, but you wanna go play COD in my room?’

‘Sure,’ I said, ‘you coming Kel?’

‘Well I’m not fucking staying here,’ she muttered, putting down the frying pan she’d been holding in her left hand, ‘to deal with that monster when she finally emerges.’

‘Don’t talk about Jenny like that,’ Jake warned levelly, not even turning around. He was used to how his sister dislike his girlfriend, and I don’t think he even knew when he was admonishing her anymore; it was just second nature at this point. ‘If you’d just spend some time with her-’

‘I’d rather eat my own faeces,’ Kelly hissed, trudging up the stairs after me.

Even though it was a vulgar comparison, I kind of couldn’t help agreeing. There’s something abrasive about Jenny even taking my own jealous interest out of the equation, something about the high pitch of her voice, her clinginess, her ever-ready need to please. Kelly hated her on sight and I hated her on realisation that Jake felt something entirely opposite to hatred. Like I said, I’m really jealous.

‘You’re disgusting,’ Jake replied, grimacing, and leading us into his room. Suddenly there was a scream and a crash followed by some fumbling and some pretty colourful swearing and Jake trying to shove Kelly and I back out the door.

Jenny had been laid out suggestively on his bed in her underwear, her hair tousled and come-to-bed eyes focused on the door before we’d all crashed into the room.

Jake finally pushed us out the door and slammed it in our faces. Kelly looked ten shades of wicked and was spitting with anger, while I just felt slightly nauseous. I can handle seeing girl-bits, but the idea of she and Jake... It was heart-wrenching.

‘That’s just sick,’ Kelly was muttering, and I could swear I saw a nerve twitching in her forehead. I opened my mouth to respond, but she shushed me and pressed an ear against the door, then motioned for me to do the same. Reluctantly – as I have no desire to hear they guy I’m hot for having sex with somebody else – I followed suit.

‘Are you okay?’ Jake was asking, I could picture him reaching to help her up as she had fallen off the bed in shock a few moments before.

‘I’ve been better,’ came the high-pitched reply, and Kelly scowled at me, sticking out her tongue.

‘What... Eh, what was this all about?’ Jake asked hesitantly.

‘What do you think?’ Jenny was scowling.

‘Jenny...’ Jake said, and I recognised his “I’m trying to stay patient here but you’re making it difficult” voice. ‘I thought we talked about this. Not until after marriage.’

Kelly rolled her eyes at me. Neither of us had ever understood Jake’s stance on sex before marriage, as he had never been particularly religious. He classified himself as agnostic, while we were both out and out atheist. I suppose in another world, one where I was straight, or she was a guy, we would have been the perfect couple.

‘That is such bullshit Jake,’ I hear Jenny mutter, and I felt myself heat up with the first flushes of anger. While I may not have understood it, I respected Jake’s principles. Even Kelly, who didn’t respect Jake’s principles at all, looked ready to knock down the door and bitch-slap his brother’s girlfriend once that little gen dripped from her lips. ‘We’ve been together for two years, and we’re both adults. There is nothing wrong with wanting to take our relationship to the next level!’

I scowled, but only because in theory I agreed with her. She may have been annoying but what she was saying right now made perfect sense to me.

‘Why do we have to have this argument every time we hangout lately?’

‘Well I don’t see you proposing anytime soon, and I’m spry to say this Jake, but I have needs okay?’

I shuddered, but Kelly shrugged. ‘Fair point,’ she mouthed at me.

‘Can you not just respect my view on this?’ Jake asked quietly, and Kelly and I had to strain to hear. I was starting to feel bad for eavesdropping, but I couldn’t pull myself away now.

‘I can’t even see your view on this,’ Jenny replied, but the anger was draining from her voice somewhat. ‘You want to have sex with the person you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with, the person you love. But you love me and I’m the one you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with. So why does there have to be a big ceremony beforehand, just putting more and more pressure on?’

Even though it sounded silly coming from somebody with the voice of a cartoon chipmunk, I agreed with this as well, in theory. Like, if she had been talking about two complete strangers rather than she and my best friend.

Jake’s POV

I’m an eighteen year old guy, I’m fit, I’m pretty good-looking, I’m popular, and I have a long-term girlfriend. I should be getting some on a fairly regular basis, right?

Wrong.

And it’s all my own fault. Jenny is practically gagging for it, the poor girl. And it’s not like she unattractive or off-putting in any other way. I should be foaming at the mouth to sleep with her. The only problem is, I’ve kind of started having feelings for somebody else. Well, I say started. I’ve been having feelings for this person for about 7% of our whole relationship, but since that translates into a full year, my choice of verb is probably a bit off-putting. Basically, I’ve been thinking about this person for a full half of my relationship with Jenny, so round about the time we probably should have started having sex, I went off the idea completely.

That’s when I came up with my “no sex before marriage” get-out-of-jail-free card. I had asked Jenny over, saying there was something important I needed to talk to her about, and when she got there she was wearing a really long coat which she refused to take off before I led her up to my room. I was intending to break up with her, knowing I was being unfair to her, but by fuck did she have different ideas. I had no sooner closed the door behind us when she dropped the coat to the floor and I was shocked to see that she was wearing very little underneath. Just some lacy underwear, a black and red corset, and some lacy things on her legs that I think are called suspenders. She pushed me up against the door and started kissing me, then dragged me over to the bed. She pushed us both down so I was leaning over her, but I didn’t really have a choice as one of her hands was tangled in my hair and the other was tugging on my t-shirt, trying to get it off over my head.

‘Jenny,’ I tried to say, but as soon as I’d opened my mouth she’d put her tongue in there, so it came out sounding more like, ‘Geggy.’

Eventually I managed to pull away from her and took a step back, panting.

‘I think you got the wrong idea,’ I said shakily. ‘This isn’t what I wanted to talk about.’ I was going to tell her then, I swear. I had it all planned out what I was going to say. But the look on her face stopped me. She looked kind of lost, and really, really hurt. There she was, sitting on my bed, totally exposed, and I was about to tell her, wait, no, there’s been a mistake, I’m gay, and she was supposed to believe this came coincidentally after she’d shown me her body? I had some idea from my sister just how insecure girls can be, based on how many nights she skipped dinner, how many hours she spent examining every little detail in the mirror, and how often she cried herself to sleep after some thoughtless guy passed a random comment that she took to heart.

‘What’s wrong?’ Jenny asked really quietly, and I could see she was really upset. And, honestly, she had every right to be. The guy who not more than three months ago told her he loved her for the first time had just shot her down flat.

I cautiously went and sat next to her on the bed. What was I going to say? I couldn’t have sex with her. It would be grossly unfair to her, not to mention there was no guarantee I’d be able to, you know, get it up, when girls’ bodies just didn’t do it for me anymore. But I couldn’t tell her I was gay now, there could be no worse timing in the world.

‘I...’ I swallowed nervously. ‘I wanted you to come over so I could tell you... tell you... um... that I don’t believe in sex before marriage!’

Jenny frowned at me. ‘What?’

‘Yeah,’ I said, latching onto the idea. ‘I think it’s really important that we wait until after marriage. It’s such a special, sacred thing you know? I wanna only have sex with the person I’m truly meant to be with forever.’

‘And... You don’t think that’s me?’

Shit. ‘Of course I do. It’s just, I think it should be on our wed ding night. It’s really, really important to me.’

Jenny was still frowning at me, and I could tell she wasn’t convinced. ‘How come you never said anything about this before now?’

‘I wasn’t sure you’d understand... I mean, I know it’s kind of weird to believe in that stuff these days, especially at our age. I totally understand if you want to break up with me.’ Fingers crossed.

Jenny’s eyes widened. ‘Of course not! God, I’m not that cruel. I can wait.’ She smiled. ‘You’re worth waiting for.’ She kissed me on the lips once and then stood up. ‘But, um, I should probably go home and change.’

And now it’s a year later and she doesn’t seem to think I’m worth waiting for anymore. So now I’m waiting until she finally breaks up with me, and it did seem like that would happen today when we had a huge argument in my room with Kelly and Taylor listening outside the door. But instead she just sighed, rolled her eyes, and left, Taylor and Kelly falling into the room as she opened the door.

‘... Call of Duty?’ Taylor asked innocently from the floor after Jenny had stepped over them and left, looking up at me guiltily. God, he’s so adorable.