Slash - I'm Gay, He's Straight

There was a knock on my door around half ten and I groaned inwardly, knowing this would be my sister coming to collect on my emotional debt.

‘I know you’re in there so you’d better answer me or I’m coming in. We took baths together mister, I’m not scared!’

I rolled my eyes but nevertheless threw a “come in” in the direction of the door and turned off my Xbox without saving the game – I was too distracted to concentrate and was getting annihilated anyway.

‘Mom and Dad home yet?’ I asked as Kel came in leaving the door open, crawled across me and sat on the other side of the bed; the side I’ve been mentally referring to as “Taylor’s Side” since we first started having sleepovers when we were eight.

‘Nope, Mom texted me to say they’re working late. You know what that means.’

We both grimaced. We’d figured out at an early age that when our parents wanted to “work late” it meant they were going out to dinner and then spending the night in an expensive hotel paid for by the law firm they ran. While we were grateful to know they didn’t “work late” while we were under the same roof, it was mildly upsetting to know that they “worked late” at all.

‘Did you tell her about today?’

‘Are you joking? They’re working late.’

That was another thing. When our parents wanted to “work late” and we got in the way of that for whatever reason, they were always in a bad mood for about a week afterwards. And getting caught up in an attempted murder investigation definitely warranted “getting in the way”.

‘Fair point, well made. So what are you making for supper?’

‘I’m not making you anything for supper. Stop trying to change the subject. What’s going on with you?’

I raised my eyebrows. As if she didn’t know. ‘Can we skip the part where I have to spell it out to you? Can’t you just give me a lecture and we both walk away unscathed?’

‘No.’

I sighed.

‘You’re confused over the Jenny thing,’ Kelly prompted.

‘Well it’s not like I was in love with her anymore or anything. I don’t know why I feel so betrayed by her and the whole...’ I waved my hand, too drained by the whole situation to bother explaining what she already knew.

‘Well yeah, you feel used. I mean, you thought you were helping her and doing a good thing, denying yourself your own happiness, and it turned out all she wanted was your money.’ I could tell Kelly was having a hard time not launching into a tirade about how she wanted to rip off Jenny’s face and feed it to the stray cat who lived on our street. That’s a fantasy I’ve heard several times.

‘I mean, even when I was in love with her, was she cheating on me then? I thought I could trust her to...’ I trailed off. What right did I have to her loyalty when she didn’t have mine?

‘Jake what you did was nothing compared to what she did. You had her best interests at heart the whole time, but she didn’t-’ Kelly paused.

‘Care about me at all,’ I finished, defeated.

‘And that’s the real problem isn’t it? You cared about her but she didn’t return the sentiment and she used you.’

I shuffled on the bed. ‘Yeah, I guess.’

Kelly sighed. ‘Once burned...’

I shrugged, frustrated. I didn’t want to bring Taylor into this and I didn’t want her to either, but I knew she would.

‘And now you’re acting weird with Taylor.’

‘Well it’s not like Jenny was someone new. I thought I knew her.’

‘You’ve known Taylor a lot longer. Plus he has his own money,’ she quipped, and I made a face.

‘I know in theory I should trust him, but it’s a lot easier to believe he’s with me for some other reason than that he actually likes me.’

‘Loves you.’

Taylor’s POV

As soon as we got home my mom sent me straight to bed, checking on me every half hour and bringing me snacks and glasses of fruit juice, as if I were just home from the hospital and not a police interrogation.

At ten, she came in and sat on the edge of the bed, putting her hand to my forehead.

‘I’m not sick Mom,’ I said for what felt like the hundredth time.

‘I know sweetie,’ she said distractedly, lowering her face so she could examine my pupils.

‘Nor am I on drugs.’ I’m more bored than I ever thought possible though. I can really only handle an hour of John Grisham at a time.

‘Well we’re going to bed now,’ my mom said, picking up my empty glass and the bowl she’d brought my porridge in. Said porridge was now fertilizing the rose bushes under my bedroom window. ‘But wake us if you need anything.’

‘Okay,’ I agreed, realising resistance was futile. As soon as the door was closed behind her I hopped out of bed, fully dressed, and opened my window. I’d been waiting for this moment since I realised the Gardaí still had our phones.

I caught onto the trellis and carefully climbed down til I heard my feet squelch into the now cold porridge. Grimacing, I wiped my runners on the grass and started towards Jake’s house. I let myself in with my key – very handy – and climbed the stairs slowly, wanting only to collapse into bed beside him and fall asleep. It had been a very long day.

When I reached the landing I heard two voices coming from Jake’s room through the partially open door, and I recognised the other as Kelly’s. I was about to walk in when I heard something that made me stop.

‘Well it’s not like I was in love with her anymore or anything. I don’t know why I feel so betrayed by her and the whole...’ Jake trailed off.

What?

I frowned and pressed my ear to the crack in the door. It was the conversation I’d been trying to have with him earlier in the airport, in room A3. But obviously he was unable to have it with me, since he seemed to think I was going to use him too.

‘I know in theory I should trust him, but it’s a lot easier to believe he’s with me for some other reason than that he actually likes me.’

‘Loves you.’

Kelly and Jake whipped their heads around to stare at the door with twin expressions of shock. I had pushed the door open and was standing there with my arms crossed.

‘I don’t just like you, I love you,’ I elaborated.

‘Leaving,’ Kelly announced, scrambling up off the bed and scuttling past me out the door. I stepped into the room and closed it behind me.

Jake swallowed perceptibly. ‘How long have you been there?’

‘I’m pretty sure I heard everything,’ I said, walking over to sit on my side of the bed. ‘What’s going on?’

Jake looked really upset and I wanted to fix it, I wanted to pull him into my arms and make everything better.

‘I don’t know... I’m being an idiot.’

‘Yeah, you are. Just talk to me.’

If Kelly had still been in the room she would have yelled at us. We were both sitting there on the bed, not touching, looking at our hands.

‘I trust you,’ Jake started. ‘I really do. I think I just don’t trust myself with you.’

I didn’t say anything, because I had no idea where he was going with this.

‘I mean, I didn’t even love Jenny and look at the lengths I went to, to please her. I love you, so much it feels like my chest will explode, like I have to stop sometimes and take a deep breath or my head will start to swim. I’ll make an idiot out of myself trying to make you happy.’

‘You already make me happy,’ I countered. I was grinning like an idiot from the things he’d just said. ‘You don’t have to do anything.’

‘Plus...’

‘Plus?’

Jake mumbled something I couldn’t hear.

‘What?’ I asked scooting closer.

‘I just can’t see... Why you like me in the first place...’ I barely caught it this time.

I gaped at him. ‘Are you being serious?’

Jake raised his gaze to meet mine for a second, then looked away again quickly, but I’d already caught the hopeless honesty in his eyes.

‘Why would you possibly think that?’ I asked, totally shocked.

‘Well I’m not sure if it’s escaped your notice but I’m not all that great of a person. I mean I led Jenny on for a whole year – and yeah, I know, I got the raw end of the deal on that one but I didn’t know that when I was lying to her. I treated you like shit every time I chose her over you, and even after we, you know, got together or whatever, I still chose her over you, getting you, not to mention Kelly, into a really dangerous situation that we were lucky to get out of, and I mean come on, look at you Tay, you’re like the male Kelly, you could get anyone you want-’

I reached over and put my hand over his mouth before he could say anymore.

‘This won’t do,’ I said. ‘I’m the insecure one in this relationship, always have been, always will be. Don’t think you can go stealing my role just cos we’re together now. First of all, you are a good person, you stayed with Jenny because you thought she needed you. She tricked you, that’s not your fault. If anything, it signifies that you’re a better person, for believing the good in her when Kel and I were so cynical. You never treated me like shit, you treated me like any guy with a girlfriend would treat his best friend, it’s normal. You didn’t choose Jenny over me today, I made that choice for you. And I don’t regret it; if it wasn’t for you there could be a mother and child dead or dying right now. And that last bit is just stupid. Obviously you’re the male version of Kel, by simple virtue of being her twin. You’re beautiful, Jake. I’m cute, but you’re gorgeous. So shut the hell up and just kiss me okay?’

For the duration of my speech Jake had been looking less and less tortured and by the end he was trying to hide his smile.

‘So I don’t get to be insecure but you get to be the one in charge?’

‘I was always the one in charge, I just did it subtly.’

‘Oh really?’

‘Really.’

‘I guess I’d better do what you say then.’

‘I guess you’d better.’

Jake leaned over and kissed me forcefully on the lips, his left hand grazing my neck. Then he pulled back shyly laced his fingers through mine. We were quiet for a bit, both a bit embarrassed but happy.

‘I tried to ask you out earlier,’ Jake said suddenly after a few moments of silence.

‘What?’ I was so shocked I looked up at him. ‘When?’

‘At the airport.’

‘But when?’

‘When I kept going on about breaking up with Jenny. You know, how you said I should break up with my girlfriend and then ask you out?’

I groaned. ‘And I ruined it.’

‘Yeah. One time deal though, might not ask again.’

‘You didn’t ask in the first place!’

‘I tried! It’s your turn.’

‘No but I’m the insecure one, ergo, I’m the girl, so you have to ask me.’

Jake raised his eyebrows. ‘You’re the girl?’

‘Yupp.’

‘You know what else being the girl means?’

I frowned in confusion. ‘What?’

Suddenly Jake had somehow flipped me over so I was lying on the bed on my front, and he was sitting on my butt, leaning forward so he could nip at my neck and ear. ‘This,’ he said, his voice low and seductive.

‘Jake will you go out with me?’ I asked quickly, and he laughed.

‘No,’ he said. ‘I won’t. But will you go out with me?’

‘No,’ I squeaked as he licked and kissed my soft spot under my ear.

‘Really?’

‘Really.’ My whole body was going weak with pleasure and I just wanted to lie there and let him keep touching me.

‘Okay,’ he said slipping off me returning to his original position, sitting up on the bed leaning his back against the wall.

I turned my head and looked up at him from where I was still sprawled out on the bed. ‘I hate you.’