Slash - I'm Gay, He's Straight

‘So...’ Taylor started later as we both actively hunted Eastern European terrorists on my Xbox. Kelly had left hours ago, bored to tears with the game, and even though I had All Time Low blaring pretty loudly in my room, strains of Porcelain And The Tramps could still be heard from hers. ‘What are you gonna do about, you know...’ He trailed off.

I didn’t take my eyes off the TV screen and neither did he. If I looked at him, knowing I would see his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth in concentration, his eyebrows furrowed slightly, eyes fingers darting over the buttons of the controller, I might not be able to stop myself shoving him to the ground and kissing him roughly.

‘I dunno...’ Taylor and I used to easily talk about things like girls and sex, but it’s become awkward recently, most likely based on the fact that his best friend who is supposed to be straight and actually has a girlfriend has somehow started wanting lick edible body paint off every inch of his skin. ‘Just wait til she cools down I suppose.’

‘No, like long-term. Are you gonna have sex with her? You’re not gonna marry her, are you?’

Taylor is a total player; he doesn’t do long-term relationships. In fact, he’s never even had a girlfriend. So even though he’s never said anything outright, I know he recoils from the idea of my marrying Jenny, but I know he’d be even more disgusted at the idea of me liking him instead.

‘You know she was looking up engagement rings on your laptop earlier?’ he continued, gunning down a terrorist on the screen. ‘Kelly caught her.’

I immediately paused the game we turned to stare at each other. Then we both jumped up at the same time and scrambled down the stairs to the living room where Jenny had been messing about on my laptop. I switched it on, clicked on Internet Explorer, and went through my search history. There was a list of several ominous-sounding sites and I clicked on a random one called Ring Envy. Horrified, I clicked on a few more, til the list ran out and all that was left was a Google Images search for “engagement rings”. Gaping, I clicked on it, and page after page of expensive diamond rings came up.

‘Holy shit,’ I whispered.

‘Dude,’ Taylor agreed. He carefully reached past me, picked my hand up off the mouse, and cleared my search history. ‘That is one scary chick you’ve got yourself saddled with.’

If only there was a “delete history” option on my life, and I’d erase the last two years, go back to being sixteen, and never ask Jenny to go for ice cream with me in the first place. Then when I started liking Taylor I could just... What? Ask him out? Yeah right.

‘Finally got sick of that stupid game?’ Kelly’s voice sounded from the doorway and we both turned to see her leaning against the door frame, still scowling over the fact that we’d rather shoot at pixillated little men than hang out with her in the sunshine.

‘Why didn’t you tell me Jenny was looking at... at...’ I waved my hand at the screen to demonstrate. I actually was so terrified that I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.

Kelly grinned. ‘Cos I figured your reaction to finding out for yourself would be funny. And I was right.’

Taylor’s POV

Kelly can be a cruel bitch when she wants to be.

‘Anyway, what are you gonna do now? Break up with her, I suppose. Then she can be out of our lives for good and you can finally get together with the real love of your life, who’s sitting right under your-’

I suddenly started choking and coughing, spluttering really unattractively.

Jake started thumping me on the back, even thought we learned in PE that that was the last thing you should do to someone who was choking, and Kelly just stood where she was, slightly amused. So much for sworn to secrecy!

‘Are you okay?’ Jake asked, concern etched on his face, as I regained my composure and reached for a glass of water on the dining room table. I nodded, chugging it back.

‘What the hell was that about?’ I demanded later as Kelly and I reclined on sun loungers by the Chaplain’s backyard pool, which was in the extension so the roof could be retracted on sunny days like today. Jake was inside getting us some drinks, but he was bound to take ages cos he’d been lapsing into thought about Jenny all day. Or so I presumed anyway; he was refusing to tell us what he was thinking about.

‘To what could you possibly be referring?’ Kelly asked innocently, adjusting her large sunglasses and her floppy sun hat so she could smooth some sunblock onto her face. ‘Do my back?’

I grabbed the bottle from her roughly as she turned over and started squeezing sunblock onto her back, not caring that it was cold and made her squeal. ‘You know what,’ I replied through gritted teeth, keeping one eye consciously on the French doors in case Jake made a sudden reappearance. ‘I thought we had a deal.’

Kelly sighed and laid the left side of her face on her hands so she could answer me. ‘Don’t you think it’s a little odd that you’ve been in love with my brother for two years and haven’t said anything? Don’t you think it’s a little masochistic?’

‘You know what would be more masochistic?’ I asked, massaging the sunblock in more roughly than necessary and causing her to squirm uncomfortably. ‘Losing my best friend forever. That would suck.’

‘How do you know you would lose him forever?’

‘Because even if he was okay with the gay bit, and even if he was okay with me loving him bit, things would never be the same between us again.’

‘Or, he could plant one on you as soon as you told him and things could be better.’

My heart rate sped up just thinking about Jake kissing me, but I quickly forced the image from my mind. ‘Stop that,’ I muttered, finally stopping pummelling her and squeezing some sunblock onto myself instead. Kelly rolled back around and I knew she was staring at me even through her dark glasses.

‘You would make a much better sister-in-law than Jenny,’ she said wistfully, and before I could respond, she put her earbuds in her ears and commenced “tanning”, which is apparently something girls can actively do now.

Later that night, I bolted upright, sweat dripping down my face and chest. It was a hot night to begin with and Jake and I had been forced to sleep in just our boxers – both knowing it would have been less if we were in separate beds – and having the nightmare only made things worse. I’d clearly been tossing and turning and I was surprised I hadn’t woken Jake up. Then again, he was a pretty heavy sleeper.

Bet you didn’t think I was being serious when I said that I keep having the same nightmare. Bet you thought I was being glib. But I genuinely do have the same dream almost every night and it genuinely leaves me terrified for about ten minutes til logic kicks in and I remind myself that a) it’s only a nightmare and b) it’s a pretty gay one.

I leaned back on my elbows, trying to catch my breath, and once I had I glanced down at Jake’s sleeping form beside me. He was curled up in the foetal position facing me, the blanket half thrown off at some point during his sleep due to the impossible heat. I glanced at his alarm clock. 3:17. Jake’s chest was heaving in a regular rhythm and I watched his sculpted muscles rise and fall for a few moments before forcing myself to look away. His face was thrown into high relief in the pale moonlight and he looked really peaceful. I groaned quietly and rolled over so I was facing away from him, and tried to go back to sleep. I’m a sad case.

I got up the next morning and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, then made my way downstairs before I could get sidetracked staring at Jake again. It was not good for my health.

I walked into the kitchen to see Kelly standing there in her pyjamas, staring out the kitchen window and chugging milk straight from the carton. She put the milk down and turned around when she heard me walking in, wiped her mouth, and groaned, ‘Sometimes it’s just cruel that you’re gay,’ as she took in my topplessness.

I laughed, like I always did when she made these statements, knowing she didn’t really mean them. Kelly could have her pick of guys from our school, even if she didn’t fully believe it. ‘Where are your parents?’ I asked grabbing the milk from where she’d put it down.

Kel rolled her eyes and said, ‘Already gone to work. I am so gonna have to be a teacher when I’m older, I won’t be able to adjust to those ridiculous short summer holidays everyone else gets. You heading home today?’

I shook my head. ‘Nope. My parents are away for the weekend, so I’m gonna stay here or how else will I eat?’ I teased, and dodged as she flung a muffin at me.

‘Oof.’ We both turned to see Jake sleepily wiping crumbs from his face, the smushed muffin lying at his feet. ‘What was that for?’

‘Being a whipped loser,’ Kelly quipped, still sore that Jake was refusing to break up with Jenny. And she wasn’t the only one, though of course I couldn’t really admit it.

Jake was still dozy from sleep and only stumbled over to the island, pulling out the stool next to mine. He too was only wearing sweatpants and his bare arm brushed against mine as he reached for the empty milk carton, and tried to drink from it. I shivered involuntarily, and though Jake, thankfully, was too sleepy to notice, Kelly wasn’t, and she made a pointed face at me. I ignored her, choosing instead to grab a muffin and stuff it into my mouth before I could do something stupid, also with my mouth. Kelly rolled her eyes at me and walked out of the kitchen into the sitting room, and I heard the sound of morning cartoons soon after.

‘You sure you shouldn’t still be in bed?’ I asked Jake, who was still dopily trying to drink from the empty milk carton. I got up and got him a fresh one from the fridge.

‘I wasn’t the one tossing and turning all night,’ he said, grabbing the milk from me gratefully. Mr and Mrs Chaplain aren’t big on caffeine, so as a weird coincidence not one of the Chaplain’s can wake up properly without a calcium fix. If there’s a milk shortage in the house, nothing gets done til well after midday.

‘Sorry,’ I apologised, trying to keep from blushing. If he knew I’d been tossing, did he also know about how I spent a good ten minutes staring at him after I woke up? ‘I didn’t think I’d woken you.’

Jake chugged back some milk. ‘Nah man, don’t worry about it. I wasn’t properly awake anyway.’ The phone started ringing and I glanced at Jake. He waved it away, ‘Kelly will get it. What were you dreaming about anyway?’

‘Eh... Can’t remember.’

Jake snorted, waking up now. ‘Yeah right. Monsters under the bed was it? Clowns with knives?’

‘Nope, girls with engagement rings,’ I retorted nonchalantly.

‘Oh snap,’ Kelly said from the doorway, and walked over to high-five me. ‘That was mom,’ she said to Jake then. ‘She and dad are going for drinks in the city tonight, so they’ll be staying with friends... and you know what that means.’

‘Gaff party!’ Jake announced, grabbing his mobile and starting to type out a group text.

‘I’ve already invited Evan Jacobs,’ Kelly said dreamily.

Jake and Kelly went to the off license to get us some alcohol as I’m still seventeen and I house-sat til they got back. Though there was plenty of alcohol already in the house, Mr and Mrs Chaplain would be suspicious to find any of it missing, so we had to produce the spendulies and get our own. I hid the home stuff in the attic before Kel and Jake got back with a box full of vodka, cider, and whiskey, generosity prevailing as they had clearly decided to provide for any poor unfortunate who came without cos he couldn’t get served.

Once eleven rolled around the party was getting going and we were all half bananas. Kelly was standing by the open French doors sharing a spliff with Evan Jacobs, Jake was organising shots in the kitchen, and even Jenny seemed to be having a good time flicking through the music channels with a group of girls I recognised from school.

I was sitting on the couch with a glass of some concoction I couldn’t even recognise the taste of in my hand, when Jake grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me into the kitchen.

‘The name of the game is Kings,’ he announced, as I sat on a stool next to him by the island, and a dozen or so people cheered as he slapped a packet of playing cards on the counter. ‘Taylor, go.’

I picked up the first card and turned it over; a six.

‘Strip!’ everyone chorused, and I made a face as I took off my left shoe and threw back a shot.

‘Well that’s not really fair,’ a voice whispered in my ear to my left, and I shivered as Jake’s hot breath hit my ear. We were both pretty drunk, but what did that mean?

‘Your turn,’ I answered, my mouth dry.

Jake picked up the next card; a Jack.

‘Rule!’ we all shouted repeatedly until Jake made a shushing motion with his hands in the air and said, ‘Right! Next person to get a six takes off a real item of clothing!’ and everyone cheered. We were getting an audience of people who didn’t want to play now and the noise was raucous.

I was getting seriously confused, especially given my drunken state, since I knew that anytime somebody got a six, anybody who had already gotten one had to take off an item of clothing as well. What was Jake playing at exactly?

The game carried on and we all got progressively drunker and more easily amused. Then a girl called Heather turned over a six and everyone cheered again, knowing she’d have to take off her top. She blushed slightly, but had enough vodka in her system that she didn’t really care too much, and pulled her shirt off over her head. Luckily she hadn’t been wearing a strapless top, like Kelly was, and actually had a bra on.

I sat extra calmly, hoping nobody would remember Jake’s stupid rile, but soon everyone was chanting, ‘Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!’ and I had no choice but to pull my blue and black checked shirt off too. There were whistle and cat calls and I rolled my eyes good-naturedly, until I felt the same hot breath against my left ear, ‘That’s more like it.’

Every nerve-ending in my body was on fire with the feel of his breath on my neck, and screaming at me to reach out and grab his face to mine. In my drink-addled state, even my bran was telling me it was a good idea, but I forced myself to think rationally and logically. Jake was straight. His girlfriend was in the next room. Probably he was just messing around.

Unless... Unless Kelly told him! I knew I shouldn’t have left them alone when they went to the off-license. She had tried to tell him yesterday and I’d managed to stop her, but now Jake knew and he was... He was mocking me! I felt sick to my stomach. I slipped my shoe back on and grabbed my shirt, then stood up. Everyone was busy with the game and nobody really took any notice, but Jake grabbed my wrist again.

‘Where are you going?’ he asked, smirking.

I choked back the cocktail of emotions welling in my throat and wrenched my arm away from him. ‘Leave me alone,’ I muttered, and his expression changed to something I didn’t immediately recognise.

I shoved my way roughly out of the room, more upset than angry, so I wasn’t looking for Kelly, just somewhere to escape to. I couldn’t go home as I hadn’t bothered to bring a key, knowing I’d be spending the whole weekend at the Chaplains’. It was late and anyway anybody I could have crashed with was already here at the party.

‘Fuck it,’ I muttered, and started trudging up the stairs, wrenching open the door to the attic and grabbing the bottle of vodka before slamming into Jake’s room and locking the door behind me.

Jake’s POV

Even as I rounded up people for the drinking game I knew I’d already had too much to drink. I stumbled every now and again, hugged everyone I saw whether or not I’d already greeted them, and started repeating myself halfway through telling stories.

Then I saw Taylor sitting on the couch chatting to some people and he just looked to fucking sexy. With alcohol-fuelled courage, I grabbed him by the wrist, his skin burning mine where it touched, and dragged him into the kitchen for the game. I announced what we were playing and insisted Taylor go first.

My eyes widened when he got the six of hearts, meaning he’d have to take off an item of clothing. I’ve seen Taylor barely dressed several times, but the vodka and cider were making me horny and I wanted to see him now. When he reached down and pulled off his grey and black checked Van, I was irritated and disappointed. Before I could stop myself, I leaned over and whispered seductively, ‘Well that’s not really fair.’

Taylor shuddered in surprise and gave me a queer look, but I was too drunk to notice anything more than how his liquid dark brown eyes bored into mine.

When I got the card that decreed I could make up a rule, I took full advantage, and soon afterwards somebody else got the six card and she took off her top. Everyone whistled and turned to Taylor, encouraging him to take his off too. He played along and took off his shirt and I finally got another eyeful of his toned and slightly muscled stomach, his strong collarbone. I wanted to reach out and run my fingertips all over him.

I leaned in again and whispered, ‘That’s more like it,’ and Taylor stood up suddenly, grabbing his shirt. I grabbed his wrist again and demanded to know where he was going, about to suggest in my drunken state I come with him. The look he gave me and his words soon sobered me up.