The Only Exception

I lie in bed, staring up at my ceiling with a blank expression. My hands are tucked behind my head and I seem to be perfectly fine. But I’m not. I’m so scared and worried. My mind is running haywire and I can feel myself shaking and sweating.

The ride home from the hospital was filled with cries. Harper didn’t even look at me. Hell, he didn’t look at anyone. His skin was so unbelievably white. He looked like he had seen a ghost and when we finally got home I got out of that mustangI had to drive and watched him take the heart broken Carley inside.

Karen and Simon came in their own car and they too went inside. I debated on following but decided against it. I wasn’t part of the family and I wasn’t needed. I didn’t want to cause problems so I came home but now I wish I would have went in with the rest of them.

I want to know if Harper is ok. I want to hold him and tell him everything’s ok. I want him to talk to me, to tell me everything that he’s feeling. I want him to know that I am here for him and that things will be all right. I’m sure, right now, he needs to hear all of that.

Psychologists say that the worst thing is losing a child. I wonder if that still goes for a child a parent never met. I’m sure it does because they were going to be his kids and although Harper said he wasn’t ready for them I’m sure a part of him was excited. I’m sure that he’s taking this hard.

That thought brings a frown to my face. All this is making me just want to go over there even more but I shouldn’t. I need to let the family be together and talk this through before barging in there. I’ll go over tomorrow after work…maybe…

I feel like complete shit the next day. I get ready slowly and when I step out the door my eyes are on Harper’s house immediately. His parents car is still in the drive way, which doesn’t surprise me at all but it does worry me.

What if I don’t get to talk to him today? I really need to. I want to make sure he’s ok. What am I saying…of course he isn’t ok!

Shaking my head, I start my walk to school and when I arrive Mary immediately asks, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I reply, taking a seat at my desk and trying my best not to think about yesterday. I don’t want to think about any of it.

“Is it about what you and Harper ran off for yesterday?”

“Just drop it.” I didn’t mean to snap but I did and it kept Mary and everyone from asking me questions for the rest of the day. I was thankful for that because they cracked jokes and it all helped me take my mind off things, which I definitely need.

By the end of the school day I felt a lot better but as soon as I left the comfort of my friends I felt like shit. I started to think about Harper again and I smack myself, trying to get those thoughts to leave me but they don’t. And I enter the grocery store to see Rachel is already there, like always.

She notices something is off. I can tell by the way her eyes follow me into the back. When I return she’s at my side with a smile and open arms. She was the first one today that didn’t ask what was up. Instead she offered me a hug and said, “I don’t know what’s wrong but I’ll try to get your mind off it.”

“Thanks Rachel.”

She pulls away and goes back to her post. Just like she said, she tries her best to keep me from thinking about everything. She cracks jokes or makes me work or purposely messes up while ringing up her customers' items to have me come over and fix it. Normally that would piss me off but right now I needed it and I’m really thankful that I have her around.

By the time my shift is over I’m in high spirits again and ready to face Harper. But at the same time I’m not. I feel ready to go to his house and talk to him but I don’t know what to say. Most people don’t deal well with sympathy, some really want it and I’m not sure what Harper wants.

Should I even say anything or let him do all the talking? There has to be a lot on his mind.

While thinking this my feet carry me outside into the chilly air. I shiver and start for the house when a car horn blares and I stop dead in my track. My body stiffens and I turn to face behind me. In the normal spot sits Harper’s car. Saying that I’m shocked is an understatement.

At first, I think I’m seeing things but I soon realize he really is there so I walk over to it. Opening the passenger door, I slide in and look at him to see that his eyes are on the road. He doesn’t even look at me when he goes into reverse and speeds down the road.

The same blank expression from the night before is on his face and its giving me the chills. That look is enough to make anyone realize something is wrong, that something is up.

I’m not sure if he wants me to talk or not so I stay quiet, hoping that he’ll start the conversation. When he doesn’t I sigh and look out the window, watching one house after the other pass us by. Harper’s house is coming up but he isn’t slowing down and we pass it.

I watch it go buy but don’t question any of it until he comes to a stop at the park. He kills the engine and finally his hands let go of the steering wheel to fall to his sides. I watch as he bows his head and his hair shields his eyes so I can’t see but I’m not stupid.

It’s as if I can hear the tears rolling down his cheeks so with speed I didn’t know I had, I move to sit on his lap. As if it were instinct, his arms grip me, holding me tightly in his arms. He doesn’t let go even after almost an entire hour passes but continues to silently cry and sniffle into my chest.

I don’t try to stop him because I’m sure he’s been holding in these tears since yesterday. He’s probably been trying to be strong for his family and Carley. Right now, I’m going to let him cry. I’m going to let him let out everything because even if he falls apart, I’ll be here to put the pieces back together.

“I couldn’t do anything. They just…wouldn’t wake up. Is it because there’s something wrong with me, Roy? Was it my fault?”

“No.” I shake my head and continue to run my fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp and praying that this is comforting him. “It wasn’t your fault. Don’t you dare think it is.”

“But…”

“No. It wasn’t your fault, Harper.” I press my palm against his chest so that I can look down into his eyes. They are puffy and red just like his nose. I wish I could say he was cute like this because he resembled a child but at a time like this, it isn’t the right thing to say. “None of it was your fault. You couldn’t do anything so…don’t blame yourself, ok? Everything will be ok.”

His eyes fall and he seems to be thinking about something. Heaving a sad sigh, he leans back in to rest his head on my chest. Our arms don’t leave the other for who know how long.

“I love them and I didn’t even meet them. Is that…odd?”

“No, it’s normal. It’s perfectly normal,” I reply, placing a kiss to his temple. “I’m sure they would have loved you too.”