Angel

I was the only kid that wasn't in the water, having fun. Instead, I stood with my bare feet on the dark, sandy shore of the lake that our house was perched upon. I turned my head around to look at the adults laughing, engaging in small-talk with champagne glasses their hands. I turned back to look at all of the children splashing and laughing in the lake. It seemed like I was the only person in this whole party who wasn't laughing.

I stared at the cloudy water being pushed up and pulled back by the gentle tide and tried to build up the strength to take a few steps forward, even just so my toes were touching the water.

I couldn't. I heard someone thrashing in the water and crying out as someone else held them down in the water and wrapped my arms around myself. And even though there was nothing but a warm summer breeze and sunshine touched my skin from between shadows, I shivered. I squeezed my eyes tight while the horrible memory of two summers ago came flooding into my head.

"Jaime, come on inside! It's getting dark!" I called to my little brother. He was swimming in the lake by himself under close supervision by me and it was getting late.

"Aw, come on!" he whined. "Just a little bit longer Angel, please!"

I stood in the doorway, drying my hands off from doing the dinner dishes and smiled at him. "Okay, Jaime. But, in fifteen minutes I'm coming out there to take you inside!"

He flashed his tiny tooth smile and went back to splashing around in the lake. It was his favorite place to be and I just couldn't resist him. My little brother was my favorite person in the entire world. I was like a mother to him since our mother died shortly after his birth.

I went about cleaning up the kitchen while my father sat in the living room reading his evening novel. I put on a pot of tea for him and myself and dried and put the dishes away.

By the time I finished, the teapot was whistling and I poured two cups of tea and then picked one up to bring to my father. I looked out of the open door for Jaime and was startled by the fact that it was pitch black already. Then, I heard a splash in the water and figured that Jaime just jumped off of the small ledge overlooking the lake. I turned to the living room and then turned right back when I heard thrashing and struggling coming from the water.

"Angel!" Jamie's frightened, watery cries barely made it to the house.

I dropped the teacup in my hand and it shattered on the tile floor as I ran down the steps and across the damp grass to the lake.

"Angel!" I would hear my name and then his mouth fill with water.

"Jaime where are you?!" I yelled, straining my eyes in the darkness to find him.

"Angel!" he sobbed.

I couldn't see anything, there was barely a moon out. I ran as fast as I could and threw myself into the water, almost falling.

"Jaime!" I screamed.

I could only hear his desperate sobbing and moved in the direction of that. He started to call my name more frequently and it seemed like he was right in front of me, but I just couldn't reach him.

"Jaime!"

I heard a soft moan followed by a bubble in the water. And then silence.

I froze. "Jaime!" I strained my ears and heard nothing, nothing but the water lapping onto shore.

I pushed myself forward in the water and felt around beneath me. My fingers came in contact with skin and I lowered into the water and wrapped my hand around an arm and pulled up with all of my strength. I wrapped my arms around Jaime's limp body and hurried to the shore.

I knelt down in the grass and rested Jaime in my lap, cradling his head in my arm. "Jaime," I said shakily.

I put my hand to his chest and felt nothing. My eyes widened and I didn't want to accept it. I tried to give him mouth-to-mouth, but nothing would work.

"Jaime!" I cried, tears washing over my face as I held his cold, wet body to my own.

I rocked back and forth crying and praying to some god to bring him back to me. "Please, please. Just give me my Jaime back. Please," I whispered through tears.

I pulled back a little to look at his small, round face, a peaceful expression on it, as if he was sleeping.

My face twisted and I threw my head back and screamed at the top of my lungs, "WHY?! My Jamie!"

My six-year-old brother drowned that night and to this day I can't help but feel like it was my fault. I'm sixteen years old and I haven't been in the water since then. Even taking showers frightens me. My father and our neighbor, Adam, were the only two who rushed out that night to try and console me. They were the only two people I trusted anymore and understood, in a sense, what I was going through.

For two years I've been trying to get myself to go into the water and I just can't find the will.

I sighed and walked back to the house, ignoring all of the party guests except for Adam, who threw me a reassuring smile. I didn't smile back, just walked up to my room, sat at my window, and watched the party for the rest of the night.