Build God, Then We'll Talk
o4
Drugs had never really crossed my mind before that point. I mean, of course as kids we were lectured with the "Just say 'no,'" and the "Don't do drugs," policy, but even then they were about the farthest things from my mind. Besides, you'd think with all that talk about not doing them and how they make you a bad person would only just pressure you into doing them, anyway.
Even now, being an ex-junkie and everything, I don't think about them. No longer do I have a sudden urge to do them, a sudden need to load up a syringe and shoot up heroine, or to go over to Darko's house and hang out with Megan and the guys. Nor do I feel the strong connection to Kirby as I once had when the drugs started to prove themselves worthless. Even Pots has faded from my brain, as well as the others after his passing.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Come on, Chusettes, you're holdin' us up," Megan called from the head of the pack, a good couple of feet in front of me. I was nervous, that was for sure. I didn't know if Megan was serious about doing drugs, or if she was just seeing if I was cool enough to hang out with her. It's a cruel way of testing someone, but this was high school and in high school, no one was easy on you.
The boys looked back at me and smiled, slowing their pace so I could catch up. It wasn't like I wanted to, though. The thoughts of every K.A.D Kids class started slowly making it's way back to the surface as I remembered the before and after pictures below the names of various drugs. I knew I didn't look like that, but what choice did I have? I didn't know what Megan and her crew were like. They could easily fuck me up, even if I did put up a fight.
I felt my phone ring and everyone's attention was immediately drawn to me, which made my cheeks burn as I blushed. I looked at the phone in my hand, the Caller-ID reading 'Mom.'
"It's my mom," I said urgently, looking around at their faces for an answer.
They only each looked at each other, confused. "Make something up," Kirby said in a slow voice, like it was the most obvious thing he had ever said in his life.
I quickly flipped open my phone and put it to my ear. "Hey, mom."
"Anna, where are you?" Her voice was quick and urgent and tainted with fear.
"Slow down mom, it's not like I'm kidnapped," I said, rolling my eyes. The group around me chuckled. "I'm just with a couple of new friends. We're going to go hang out."
"Who are these friends?" Her voice was still quick, but more calm. A good sign.
"Megan," I said, dragging out my voice.
"Anna Nichole - "
"Fine, I'll come home."
Mom sighed. "No, don't, it's fine. Just... be home before nine, got it? It's a school night." Guilt trip. Worked every time.
"Alright, bye." I hung up my phone and put it back in my bag, smiling up at the group.
"You ready?" Kirby asked, starting to lead the way.
Without an answer, I followed behind them, already feeling approval for my actions. Finally, we arrived in front of an old looking blue house. Darko grabbed a key from his pocket and stuck it in the lock on the door and twisted it, the door creaking open and the smell of burning leaves thick in the air.
"Your mom already burning one, Darks?" Kirby laughed, dropping his bag on the floor and walking into the house like it was his own. Darko snorted in reply and followed, dropping his bag next to Kirby's, the others doing the same. I looked around awkwardly as I tried to take in the house. Everything was dirty and old. It was the kind of house that made you want to keep your shoes on so you wouldn't catch anything.
We followed Darko and Kirby into a room that looked like a living room to a woman passed out in a blue chair, smoke rising from the joint she held in her hand. "Ay, mom," Darko said as he kissed the top of his moms tangled, bleached blond hair, taking the joint from her at the same time and taking a long hit before passing it to Kirby.
Kirby grabbed it between his index finger and hid thumb and inhaled, the tip of it turning a hot, red color. He brought it away and inhaled again, letting the smoke bounce around in his mouth before he finally blew it out and passed it along to Pots, who followed, then to Lee and Megan. Finally, it got to me.
I bit my lip and hesitated. "First timer," Kirby coughed. "Gnarly."
"Hey, hey, if this is your first time, you should try this first," Pots said, pulling out a tiny bag with thin, white powder in it.
"No shit," Kirby laughed, taking the bag in his hand. "You actually got it?"
Pots nodded with a wide smile. "Jeremy never fails."
I put my hands up as Kirby offered me the bag, making an offended look cross his face. "You too good for us, Chusettes?"
"Too good for the drugs?" Kirby laughed, taking another hit of the joint.
"Ay," Megan warned. "She's cool, guys. Let her come at her own pace."
I bit my lip and looked over to Megan. "Actually, I - I think I'm just going to, uhm, head out," I said, starting for the door.
"Chusettes, wait!" she called, but I was already too far away. I opened the door and practically sprinted out, running down the street in the direction I thought our new house was. I wandered the streets for what seemed like ever, my heart speeding with each and every step I took. As I opened the door to our house and ran upstairs, I could feel every inch of my body shaking and I let out a sob, falling onto my bed.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Anna?" I blinked and looked up to the voice. "Anna Reed?" It was the nurse again.
"Yes?"
"Are you done with your meal?"
I looked down at the plate of food that was nonchalantly slapped down on my plate. It was supposed to be roast and potatoes, but when I think deeply, I pick at my food, so now it looked like nothing more than puke. Disgusted, I scooted out my chair and began walking back to my room, the only sounds were that of my converse on the tiled floor.
I didn't belong here, that much was obvious.
Even now, being an ex-junkie and everything, I don't think about them. No longer do I have a sudden urge to do them, a sudden need to load up a syringe and shoot up heroine, or to go over to Darko's house and hang out with Megan and the guys. Nor do I feel the strong connection to Kirby as I once had when the drugs started to prove themselves worthless. Even Pots has faded from my brain, as well as the others after his passing.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Come on, Chusettes, you're holdin' us up," Megan called from the head of the pack, a good couple of feet in front of me. I was nervous, that was for sure. I didn't know if Megan was serious about doing drugs, or if she was just seeing if I was cool enough to hang out with her. It's a cruel way of testing someone, but this was high school and in high school, no one was easy on you.
The boys looked back at me and smiled, slowing their pace so I could catch up. It wasn't like I wanted to, though. The thoughts of every K.A.D Kids class started slowly making it's way back to the surface as I remembered the before and after pictures below the names of various drugs. I knew I didn't look like that, but what choice did I have? I didn't know what Megan and her crew were like. They could easily fuck me up, even if I did put up a fight.
I felt my phone ring and everyone's attention was immediately drawn to me, which made my cheeks burn as I blushed. I looked at the phone in my hand, the Caller-ID reading 'Mom.'
"It's my mom," I said urgently, looking around at their faces for an answer.
They only each looked at each other, confused. "Make something up," Kirby said in a slow voice, like it was the most obvious thing he had ever said in his life.
I quickly flipped open my phone and put it to my ear. "Hey, mom."
"Anna, where are you?" Her voice was quick and urgent and tainted with fear.
"Slow down mom, it's not like I'm kidnapped," I said, rolling my eyes. The group around me chuckled. "I'm just with a couple of new friends. We're going to go hang out."
"Who are these friends?" Her voice was still quick, but more calm. A good sign.
"Megan," I said, dragging out my voice.
"Anna Nichole - "
"Fine, I'll come home."
Mom sighed. "No, don't, it's fine. Just... be home before nine, got it? It's a school night." Guilt trip. Worked every time.
"Alright, bye." I hung up my phone and put it back in my bag, smiling up at the group.
"You ready?" Kirby asked, starting to lead the way.
Without an answer, I followed behind them, already feeling approval for my actions. Finally, we arrived in front of an old looking blue house. Darko grabbed a key from his pocket and stuck it in the lock on the door and twisted it, the door creaking open and the smell of burning leaves thick in the air.
"Your mom already burning one, Darks?" Kirby laughed, dropping his bag on the floor and walking into the house like it was his own. Darko snorted in reply and followed, dropping his bag next to Kirby's, the others doing the same. I looked around awkwardly as I tried to take in the house. Everything was dirty and old. It was the kind of house that made you want to keep your shoes on so you wouldn't catch anything.
We followed Darko and Kirby into a room that looked like a living room to a woman passed out in a blue chair, smoke rising from the joint she held in her hand. "Ay, mom," Darko said as he kissed the top of his moms tangled, bleached blond hair, taking the joint from her at the same time and taking a long hit before passing it to Kirby.
Kirby grabbed it between his index finger and hid thumb and inhaled, the tip of it turning a hot, red color. He brought it away and inhaled again, letting the smoke bounce around in his mouth before he finally blew it out and passed it along to Pots, who followed, then to Lee and Megan. Finally, it got to me.
I bit my lip and hesitated. "First timer," Kirby coughed. "Gnarly."
"Hey, hey, if this is your first time, you should try this first," Pots said, pulling out a tiny bag with thin, white powder in it.
"No shit," Kirby laughed, taking the bag in his hand. "You actually got it?"
Pots nodded with a wide smile. "Jeremy never fails."
I put my hands up as Kirby offered me the bag, making an offended look cross his face. "You too good for us, Chusettes?"
"Too good for the drugs?" Kirby laughed, taking another hit of the joint.
"Ay," Megan warned. "She's cool, guys. Let her come at her own pace."
I bit my lip and looked over to Megan. "Actually, I - I think I'm just going to, uhm, head out," I said, starting for the door.
"Chusettes, wait!" she called, but I was already too far away. I opened the door and practically sprinted out, running down the street in the direction I thought our new house was. I wandered the streets for what seemed like ever, my heart speeding with each and every step I took. As I opened the door to our house and ran upstairs, I could feel every inch of my body shaking and I let out a sob, falling onto my bed.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Anna?" I blinked and looked up to the voice. "Anna Reed?" It was the nurse again.
"Yes?"
"Are you done with your meal?"
I looked down at the plate of food that was nonchalantly slapped down on my plate. It was supposed to be roast and potatoes, but when I think deeply, I pick at my food, so now it looked like nothing more than puke. Disgusted, I scooted out my chair and began walking back to my room, the only sounds were that of my converse on the tiled floor.
I didn't belong here, that much was obvious.