Build God, Then We'll Talk
o6
Acceptance is something everyone longs for. I don't care what you say, it's always on the top of the 'things you need in life' list. It doesn't matter if you're a teenage girl trying to fit in with the cool crowd at school. It doesn't matter if you're the straight-edge kid trying to fit in with the only crowd that will offer you a place in their presence. It doesn't matter if you're just a person trying to find new friends. Acceptance is something we all crave in this fucked up world.
- - - - - - - - - -
So many things started running through my head at that time; how I had gotten home, who had brought me home, what they had told my worried mother who was probably sitting up waiting for me. The questions were endless, darting around in my head, making the headache I had pound hair against my skull.
Finally having enough of the voice screaming in my head, I swung my legs over the edge of my bed. I stood there for a minute, trying to ease the dizziness that had taken over my body at that point. Everything around me started fading to black and it made my throat scream for something to drink - anything to drink.
Pushing through the darkness, I found myself wandering out to the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen. I could hear my mother moving around in the kitchen, pans clattering and silverware hitting the table, but I didn't care. I ran to the sink and grabbed the empty glass that sat on the counter, calling my name. Filling it entirely with water, I tipped it back to my mouth and chugged the entire thing, silencing my burning throat.
"Well good morning to you too," mom laughed as I slammed the glass back on the counter, drawing in breaths that had been lost due to downing the entire cup of water. "How did you sleep last night? I made eggs." There was a scraping noise and I looked over to see her pushing eggs from the pan onto a plate. "They're a little burnt, but they're eggs."
"Good," I answered insecurely. To be honest, I hadn't even realized I was asleep.
"You have no idea how relieved I was when your friend Kirby showed up with you," mom said from the table. Kirby?
"Who - who did you say brought me home?" I asked as I took a seat across from her at the table, not quite sure if I had heard her correctly.
Mom lifted her eyes to the ceiling as she brought her napkin away from her face. "I'm pretty sure he said his name was Kirby. Kirby Kaine," she nodded. "Yup, I was sitting up watching my taped re-runs of The Young and the Restless, and I was getting pretty worried after you hadn't shown up by 11:30. I knew you'd probably be calling soon, but I slipped asleep and before I knew it, there was a knock at the door."
"Mom, I'm so sorry I didn't call," I started.
Mom put her hands up, stopping me. "Don't worry about it. Kirby told me all about how you were helping Megan - apparently she was a wreck. I was going to give it to you hard, but I thought it was really nice of you to help you Megan."
I smiled, thanking Kirby in my head. "Yeah, she was," I agreed.
"That's what he said. He's such a nice boy, Anna. Is he your friend at school?"
"Yeah," I answered, taking a sip of orange juice mom had put out for me.
"Is he a good friend? He looked like he really cared about you. He even said to tell you to feel better." She was giving me that look that parents give when they think something is going on between you and a cute boy, only it was the look that told you to 'go for it, honey!'
"He's just a friend," I said, shaking my head, but I knew I could feel a blush on my face.
"You're blushing!" she laughed. "So you do like him!"
"Mom, you're getting carried away," I laughed, rolling my eyes.
The phone rang suddenly, interrupting the conversation between my mother and I. We both looked at each other, both of us thinking the same thing the other was thinking. Before I could think, mom sprung up from her seat and grabbed the phone, pressing the receiver to her ear. "Hello? Yes she is, just a minute," she said, handing the phone to me with a huge grin, mouthing the word 'Kirby!'
I grinned back with an apparent blush on my face and pressed the phone to my ear. "Hello?"
"Hey, Anna, how are you feeling?"
"Good," I answered, looking back at my mom. "How are you feeling?"
"You know, I hate phone conversations. You should meet me at the docks."
"Sure, I hate them too," I rambled. "I'll be there in a few minutes."
"All right. See you there, Chusettes." Click.
I pressed the 'Off' button and set the phone down, making a run for my room. "What did he say?" mom asked, following behind me.
"He wants me to meet him at the docks," I said, running up the stairs.
"Result!" Mom cheered. "That's good anyway, because I'm going out, too. I'm meeting a few people from work, so you would have been home alone until really late tonight. This is the second time he's saved you."
I grinned and pulled a 'Placebo' shirt out from drawer and pulled off my dirty tank-top, replacing it with the t-shirt. From the drawer below the first, I grabbed a new pair of shorts and tossed the old ones off and onto the floor, pulling on the new ones. Finally, I pulled on my converse and applied a new line of eyeliner to my eyes and fixed my hair, then I was out the door.
_ _ _
Kirby sat cross-legged on the pole at the end of the docks, staring off into the sky. He wore a black hat over his black hair and a navy blue sweatshirt that was pulled over a deep-purple shirt. His chin was rested on his hands, which were mostly covered by the black and white checkered gloves he wore to cover them.
"Hey," he greeted as I approached him.
"Hi," I greeted back awkwardly.
Kirby studied me. "You look good for having pulled an almost all-nighter," he complimented.
"Really? I thought I fell asleep pretty early in the night," I said uncertainly.
"Nope. Actually, you started talking up a storm after I woke you up to take you back home. Heroin does that to you, though," he said, staring back into the sky. "You feel like you're so close to sleep that it seems as though you really are sleeping."
I was shocked at how well he knew the feeling. "Have you ever done it?" I asked quietly.
"Heroin?" he asked in his normal tone, looking back at me. "Sure, everyone has. Duh."
"Really? I thought it was the worst drug you could do."
Kirby snorted a laugh. "Who told you that? K.A.D? There are far worse things out there than junk like that, no pun intended."
"Junk? Why is that a pun?" I asked, confused.
"Junk," Kirby laughed, like I was joking. "It's slang for 'heroin.' You know, like White Horse, Snow, Smack, Skag, Skat."
I shook my head. "I'm not really familiar with them."
Kirby laughed. "Be thankful. I knew all those names since I've been eight."
"Really?" I don't know why it didn't bother me that Kirby was so big into this stuff. Maybe it was because I liked him, or maybe deep down I knew that in the future, Kirby and I would be close, closer than this. "So where's Pots and Lee and Megan and everyone else?" I asked after a moment of silence.
Kirby flipped his hand and rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about it."
"Are they off doing something illegal?"
Kirby laughed. "You say 'illegal' like it's a bad thing. Look around you, Chusettes. Everything is illegal. Everyone has done something illegal in their life."
I nodded. "I guess."
Kirby studied my face for a moment. "We'll put it this way, one of the Ten Commandments is 'do not covet,' right?" I nodded. "Well, there's no possible way that someone has never wanted something that someone else had, I don't care who you are or how much you love God."
I nodded again. "You know, Kirby... that actually makes sense."
Kirby smiled. "What? You didn't think I could be smart?"
"Well, I- I mean, they always told us that drugs m - make people st - stupid," I stuttered awkwardly.
"See, there you go again with the 'they' stuff again," he laughed. "Do you think drugs can really be that bad on a person?"
I laughed. "Obviously not, taking your wit into consideration."
Kirby smiled. "So, who exactly is Annabelle Reed?"
Kirby and I spent hours down at that dock, talking about my life. I told him everything I remembered from when I was younger and things I've remembered recently. I told him about Carmen, back at home, about my parents and their divorce, about the friends I had back home, and just about every detail of my life. I really opened up to him that day, and the best was he listened. For once in my life, I had someone who listened to me.
And I think that was the day that I somehow knew Kirby was going to play a very important role in my life.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Miss Reed? Anna?" My eyes slowly opened and looked into the eyes of the nurse who had been bugging me all day the previous day. She smiled down at me and moved away from my face. "Well good morning, sleepy head. I came to check on you this morning to see if you wanted breakfast, but you looked so peaceful," Oh, please. "So I had the cooks save you some food. I don't know what you like, so I just had them save a little bit of everything."
I looked over to the table where there were a couple plates with different kinds of breakfast foods on it such as eggs, waffles, pancakes, cereal, bacon, sausage, strawberries, blueberries, oatmeal, coffee, and toast. I looked back at her and met her eyes, a smile still on her face. "Well, I'll leave you to it," she said, turning to leave.
I waited for her to leave the room before I got up from my bed and numbly made my way to the table of food. Next to the food was a tiny white pill that was obviously intended to take. I picked up the pill and set it aside, then I took two plates in my hands and dumped the food into the trash, doing the same with the final plate also.
Returning my hands back to the pill, I grabbed it and took it over to my bed. I pulled back the sheets on the mattress and with my nail, I created a rip in the mattress that I would use as a hiding place for all the pills. Tucking it carefully into the hole, I securely folded the rip over it and pulled the sheet back over the mattress.
I'm too full to eat, I thought, laying my head back on the pillow, drifting back off to sleep.
- - - - - - - - - -
So many things started running through my head at that time; how I had gotten home, who had brought me home, what they had told my worried mother who was probably sitting up waiting for me. The questions were endless, darting around in my head, making the headache I had pound hair against my skull.
Finally having enough of the voice screaming in my head, I swung my legs over the edge of my bed. I stood there for a minute, trying to ease the dizziness that had taken over my body at that point. Everything around me started fading to black and it made my throat scream for something to drink - anything to drink.
Pushing through the darkness, I found myself wandering out to the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen. I could hear my mother moving around in the kitchen, pans clattering and silverware hitting the table, but I didn't care. I ran to the sink and grabbed the empty glass that sat on the counter, calling my name. Filling it entirely with water, I tipped it back to my mouth and chugged the entire thing, silencing my burning throat.
"Well good morning to you too," mom laughed as I slammed the glass back on the counter, drawing in breaths that had been lost due to downing the entire cup of water. "How did you sleep last night? I made eggs." There was a scraping noise and I looked over to see her pushing eggs from the pan onto a plate. "They're a little burnt, but they're eggs."
"Good," I answered insecurely. To be honest, I hadn't even realized I was asleep.
"You have no idea how relieved I was when your friend Kirby showed up with you," mom said from the table. Kirby?
"Who - who did you say brought me home?" I asked as I took a seat across from her at the table, not quite sure if I had heard her correctly.
Mom lifted her eyes to the ceiling as she brought her napkin away from her face. "I'm pretty sure he said his name was Kirby. Kirby Kaine," she nodded. "Yup, I was sitting up watching my taped re-runs of The Young and the Restless, and I was getting pretty worried after you hadn't shown up by 11:30. I knew you'd probably be calling soon, but I slipped asleep and before I knew it, there was a knock at the door."
"Mom, I'm so sorry I didn't call," I started.
Mom put her hands up, stopping me. "Don't worry about it. Kirby told me all about how you were helping Megan - apparently she was a wreck. I was going to give it to you hard, but I thought it was really nice of you to help you Megan."
I smiled, thanking Kirby in my head. "Yeah, she was," I agreed.
"That's what he said. He's such a nice boy, Anna. Is he your friend at school?"
"Yeah," I answered, taking a sip of orange juice mom had put out for me.
"Is he a good friend? He looked like he really cared about you. He even said to tell you to feel better." She was giving me that look that parents give when they think something is going on between you and a cute boy, only it was the look that told you to 'go for it, honey!'
"He's just a friend," I said, shaking my head, but I knew I could feel a blush on my face.
"You're blushing!" she laughed. "So you do like him!"
"Mom, you're getting carried away," I laughed, rolling my eyes.
The phone rang suddenly, interrupting the conversation between my mother and I. We both looked at each other, both of us thinking the same thing the other was thinking. Before I could think, mom sprung up from her seat and grabbed the phone, pressing the receiver to her ear. "Hello? Yes she is, just a minute," she said, handing the phone to me with a huge grin, mouthing the word 'Kirby!'
I grinned back with an apparent blush on my face and pressed the phone to my ear. "Hello?"
"Hey, Anna, how are you feeling?"
"Good," I answered, looking back at my mom. "How are you feeling?"
"You know, I hate phone conversations. You should meet me at the docks."
"Sure, I hate them too," I rambled. "I'll be there in a few minutes."
"All right. See you there, Chusettes." Click.
I pressed the 'Off' button and set the phone down, making a run for my room. "What did he say?" mom asked, following behind me.
"He wants me to meet him at the docks," I said, running up the stairs.
"Result!" Mom cheered. "That's good anyway, because I'm going out, too. I'm meeting a few people from work, so you would have been home alone until really late tonight. This is the second time he's saved you."
I grinned and pulled a 'Placebo' shirt out from drawer and pulled off my dirty tank-top, replacing it with the t-shirt. From the drawer below the first, I grabbed a new pair of shorts and tossed the old ones off and onto the floor, pulling on the new ones. Finally, I pulled on my converse and applied a new line of eyeliner to my eyes and fixed my hair, then I was out the door.
_ _ _
Kirby sat cross-legged on the pole at the end of the docks, staring off into the sky. He wore a black hat over his black hair and a navy blue sweatshirt that was pulled over a deep-purple shirt. His chin was rested on his hands, which were mostly covered by the black and white checkered gloves he wore to cover them.
"Hey," he greeted as I approached him.
"Hi," I greeted back awkwardly.
Kirby studied me. "You look good for having pulled an almost all-nighter," he complimented.
"Really? I thought I fell asleep pretty early in the night," I said uncertainly.
"Nope. Actually, you started talking up a storm after I woke you up to take you back home. Heroin does that to you, though," he said, staring back into the sky. "You feel like you're so close to sleep that it seems as though you really are sleeping."
I was shocked at how well he knew the feeling. "Have you ever done it?" I asked quietly.
"Heroin?" he asked in his normal tone, looking back at me. "Sure, everyone has. Duh."
"Really? I thought it was the worst drug you could do."
Kirby snorted a laugh. "Who told you that? K.A.D? There are far worse things out there than junk like that, no pun intended."
"Junk? Why is that a pun?" I asked, confused.
"Junk," Kirby laughed, like I was joking. "It's slang for 'heroin.' You know, like White Horse, Snow, Smack, Skag, Skat."
I shook my head. "I'm not really familiar with them."
Kirby laughed. "Be thankful. I knew all those names since I've been eight."
"Really?" I don't know why it didn't bother me that Kirby was so big into this stuff. Maybe it was because I liked him, or maybe deep down I knew that in the future, Kirby and I would be close, closer than this. "So where's Pots and Lee and Megan and everyone else?" I asked after a moment of silence.
Kirby flipped his hand and rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about it."
"Are they off doing something illegal?"
Kirby laughed. "You say 'illegal' like it's a bad thing. Look around you, Chusettes. Everything is illegal. Everyone has done something illegal in their life."
I nodded. "I guess."
Kirby studied my face for a moment. "We'll put it this way, one of the Ten Commandments is 'do not covet,' right?" I nodded. "Well, there's no possible way that someone has never wanted something that someone else had, I don't care who you are or how much you love God."
I nodded again. "You know, Kirby... that actually makes sense."
Kirby smiled. "What? You didn't think I could be smart?"
"Well, I- I mean, they always told us that drugs m - make people st - stupid," I stuttered awkwardly.
"See, there you go again with the 'they' stuff again," he laughed. "Do you think drugs can really be that bad on a person?"
I laughed. "Obviously not, taking your wit into consideration."
Kirby smiled. "So, who exactly is Annabelle Reed?"
Kirby and I spent hours down at that dock, talking about my life. I told him everything I remembered from when I was younger and things I've remembered recently. I told him about Carmen, back at home, about my parents and their divorce, about the friends I had back home, and just about every detail of my life. I really opened up to him that day, and the best was he listened. For once in my life, I had someone who listened to me.
And I think that was the day that I somehow knew Kirby was going to play a very important role in my life.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Miss Reed? Anna?" My eyes slowly opened and looked into the eyes of the nurse who had been bugging me all day the previous day. She smiled down at me and moved away from my face. "Well good morning, sleepy head. I came to check on you this morning to see if you wanted breakfast, but you looked so peaceful," Oh, please. "So I had the cooks save you some food. I don't know what you like, so I just had them save a little bit of everything."
I looked over to the table where there were a couple plates with different kinds of breakfast foods on it such as eggs, waffles, pancakes, cereal, bacon, sausage, strawberries, blueberries, oatmeal, coffee, and toast. I looked back at her and met her eyes, a smile still on her face. "Well, I'll leave you to it," she said, turning to leave.
I waited for her to leave the room before I got up from my bed and numbly made my way to the table of food. Next to the food was a tiny white pill that was obviously intended to take. I picked up the pill and set it aside, then I took two plates in my hands and dumped the food into the trash, doing the same with the final plate also.
Returning my hands back to the pill, I grabbed it and took it over to my bed. I pulled back the sheets on the mattress and with my nail, I created a rip in the mattress that I would use as a hiding place for all the pills. Tucking it carefully into the hole, I securely folded the rip over it and pulled the sheet back over the mattress.
I'm too full to eat, I thought, laying my head back on the pillow, drifting back off to sleep.