You Proved Me Wrong
I Just Lost It
All day I was so nervous. I can't believe I'm actually agreeing to this. I took a deep breathe and bit at my lip. The clock was about to strike three and I'd be meeting her at her house.
Ring Ring Ring
The kids shuffled out but I remained seated. I have been off my guard all day. The teacher cleared his throat and I looked up at me.
"Something wrong, Mr.Drew?" He asked and I gulped.
"No, nothing at all." I smiled and finally got up to make my way out the door and to my car. I shakily reached for the handle and started up the car. I drove off towards the country, to the house where it would all take place. The whole time I was wondering what exactly I should do. I wasn't an expert in this kind of stuff. As I pulled up to her house, I could of sworn a moving van was down the road. I shrugged the thought off and realized her parents were home. She rushed outside once she saw my car pull up. I rolled my window down and she was panting.
"Hi um yeah the house isn't available so perhaps your car?" She grinned and I felt my vision blur.
"Um, sure hun hop in," I suppressed a laugh and she nodded.
"Be back later! Love you!" She shouted to her parents as we pulled out of the driveway. They nodded and waved as we drove off.
"Take a left up here then a right then we can drive a little ways down the woods. Nobody ever goes there." She grabbed my hand and I gulped. I was so nervous, but honestly, who wouldn't be? As I took the directions that I was suppose to take, I parked the car and shut it off. The sun was already setting and I looked over at her. She was looking straight ahead, then she took a deep breathe and turned towards me. She cupped my face in her hands and pressed her lips against mine. She reached for my shirt, pulling it off and I proceeded with hers. It was growing dark and I knew we didn't have much time. Once we were fully naked, we proceeded with what we came here for.
But my heart, was racing. My mind, was screaming. You've got, your whole life, to do these things. But my legs, were shaking. My hands were searching for her, in the backseat of my car. I just lost it.
I smiled and pushed her hair away from her face. I kissed her softly and turned on my car so we could have some light. We got dressed and I drove her home. A grin was plastered on her face the whole way there.
"See, that wasn't so bad was it?" She kissed me as we pulled into the drive.
"No, it wasn't. But Jesse, I'm so happy that you were my first. I wouldn't have it any other way." She smiled, hurt filing her eyes just a smudge, and hopped out of the car. I felt happier, like a new and improved man. I took a long, hot shower, awarding my victory that I had today. As I went to sleep, I replayed tonight over and over and over again.
-----------------------------------------
I waited by my locker for her to come waltzing up.
Nothing.
I felt a pang of guilt, thinking that it was all my fault that she wasn't here.
Maybe she's sick?
Something deep inside of me was telling me that that wasn't quite the case. Finally in last hour, I stormed up to the teacher.
"Do you know where Jesse went?!"
"Um...she didn't tell you did she?" Now I was starting to freak out.
"No, what?" He drew in a deep breathe and looked me firmly in the eyes.
"Chris, she moved. She moved out of state." I felt my whole world crash down and I took a minute to absorb this in. Her rushing to have sex, the emptiness, the moving truck. I shook my head, anger and sadness filing me up. I raced off to my car and sped off to her house. Once I arrived, I hoped out, racing to the door. I tried to open the door but it was locked. There were no cars there what so ever. The only thing left was a folded up piece of paper that I just ripped down and shoved into my pocket. I began crying as I reached my car and I've never felt so betrayed in my whole life. I finally read the letter, and drew in an unsteady breathe. I went to the store and went back out to the country to the spot where we made love. Nothing was left in there but horrible memories. I splashed gasoline inside and out of the car. I lit up a match, lightening my cigarette, and taking a long drag, before flicking it onto the car. I watched as the fire engulfed my car, and I allowed the tears to stream down my face. I took out the note and read it one last time:
Dear Chris,
I'm sorry It had to end like this. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. Thank you for proving to me that you really do love me. But the thing is Chris, I just don't think I love you back.
Yours always,
Jesse.
I threw the paper into the fire and smiled.
I knew I was only sixteen. But I thought I loved her and It'd last forever. But only, if I knew. That she wasn't true. How could she do this to me?
Ring Ring Ring
The kids shuffled out but I remained seated. I have been off my guard all day. The teacher cleared his throat and I looked up at me.
"Something wrong, Mr.Drew?" He asked and I gulped.
"No, nothing at all." I smiled and finally got up to make my way out the door and to my car. I shakily reached for the handle and started up the car. I drove off towards the country, to the house where it would all take place. The whole time I was wondering what exactly I should do. I wasn't an expert in this kind of stuff. As I pulled up to her house, I could of sworn a moving van was down the road. I shrugged the thought off and realized her parents were home. She rushed outside once she saw my car pull up. I rolled my window down and she was panting.
"Hi um yeah the house isn't available so perhaps your car?" She grinned and I felt my vision blur.
"Um, sure hun hop in," I suppressed a laugh and she nodded.
"Be back later! Love you!" She shouted to her parents as we pulled out of the driveway. They nodded and waved as we drove off.
"Take a left up here then a right then we can drive a little ways down the woods. Nobody ever goes there." She grabbed my hand and I gulped. I was so nervous, but honestly, who wouldn't be? As I took the directions that I was suppose to take, I parked the car and shut it off. The sun was already setting and I looked over at her. She was looking straight ahead, then she took a deep breathe and turned towards me. She cupped my face in her hands and pressed her lips against mine. She reached for my shirt, pulling it off and I proceeded with hers. It was growing dark and I knew we didn't have much time. Once we were fully naked, we proceeded with what we came here for.
But my heart, was racing. My mind, was screaming. You've got, your whole life, to do these things. But my legs, were shaking. My hands were searching for her, in the backseat of my car. I just lost it.
I smiled and pushed her hair away from her face. I kissed her softly and turned on my car so we could have some light. We got dressed and I drove her home. A grin was plastered on her face the whole way there.
"See, that wasn't so bad was it?" She kissed me as we pulled into the drive.
"No, it wasn't. But Jesse, I'm so happy that you were my first. I wouldn't have it any other way." She smiled, hurt filing her eyes just a smudge, and hopped out of the car. I felt happier, like a new and improved man. I took a long, hot shower, awarding my victory that I had today. As I went to sleep, I replayed tonight over and over and over again.
-----------------------------------------
I waited by my locker for her to come waltzing up.
Nothing.
I felt a pang of guilt, thinking that it was all my fault that she wasn't here.
Maybe she's sick?
Something deep inside of me was telling me that that wasn't quite the case. Finally in last hour, I stormed up to the teacher.
"Do you know where Jesse went?!"
"Um...she didn't tell you did she?" Now I was starting to freak out.
"No, what?" He drew in a deep breathe and looked me firmly in the eyes.
"Chris, she moved. She moved out of state." I felt my whole world crash down and I took a minute to absorb this in. Her rushing to have sex, the emptiness, the moving truck. I shook my head, anger and sadness filing me up. I raced off to my car and sped off to her house. Once I arrived, I hoped out, racing to the door. I tried to open the door but it was locked. There were no cars there what so ever. The only thing left was a folded up piece of paper that I just ripped down and shoved into my pocket. I began crying as I reached my car and I've never felt so betrayed in my whole life. I finally read the letter, and drew in an unsteady breathe. I went to the store and went back out to the country to the spot where we made love. Nothing was left in there but horrible memories. I splashed gasoline inside and out of the car. I lit up a match, lightening my cigarette, and taking a long drag, before flicking it onto the car. I watched as the fire engulfed my car, and I allowed the tears to stream down my face. I took out the note and read it one last time:
Dear Chris,
I'm sorry It had to end like this. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. Thank you for proving to me that you really do love me. But the thing is Chris, I just don't think I love you back.
Yours always,
Jesse.
I threw the paper into the fire and smiled.
I knew I was only sixteen. But I thought I loved her and It'd last forever. But only, if I knew. That she wasn't true. How could she do this to me?