Life Given.

I was entirely too pissed that my dad told people, I begged and pleaded with him not to tell anyone. I wanted to do that myself. But I didn’t really think too much into it when I saw Jimmy still looking like he just shot my puppy.

“Don’t be mad at him Nat, he kept his promise. A little ghostly birdie dropped them the hint.” I was more than ready to bring him back to life and kill him for my own purposes. But, being respectful toward the dead, I held back. Instead I sat down on the couch with Brian.

“Syn, is little baby Nick-Nat your new squeeze?” Johnny laughed and joked as we sat together. I figured that was how it looked: big, strong, attractive Synyster Gates hanging on to the new girl and keeping her close. But I had no feelings for him other than the strange bond that is built when you play a song, worth playing, together.

Jimmy shoved Johnny and Johnny actually stumbled, I was concerned that Jimmy was blowing his cover. He’s done little gestures like that before, but nothing ever happened unless he was pushing me or, like in the hospital, when he punched me in the face because I thought he was a hallucination. “It’s not like that, short shit. He’s protecting her.”

“Guys, did you hear that?” Johnny asked, looking around. I shook my head, no way, was Jimmy some how making him self noticed? Why couldn’t he do it before? I didn’t understand. “Seriously, I heard something… like someone was talking.”

“John, no one was saying anything.” Zacky laughed at him, assuming he was loosing his mind or setting up another joke.

“No, I heard it too…” Brian drifted off staring at one spot until I don’t think it was a spot anymore. “…Jimmy” I could feel it in Brian’s grip on my shoulder… he could see him.

“Syn, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you.” I had this strange feeling in my stomach like I was about to pass out, or throw up, or spontaneously combust. There was a chorus of the same thing, they all saw him, they all knew he was there, they were all shocked. They looked at him the way they usually looked at me when I said something out of the ordinary, maybe that was just the way they used to look at him. He stepped closer and put a hand on my shoulder. I looked him dead in the eye. “Kid, when we first met you asked me to give you a reason to keep playing, to keep singing, to keep believing. Well…” He looked around at the men who were standing there staring at him in shock and disbelief. “Here are four reasons.” My heart stopped, my legs went to mush but I managed to stay standing, I knew what was supposed to happen, but he said it would never have to.

“No, you said it wasn’t going to happen like this, you said so. You told me so! You said it your self; you woke me up, you’re keeping me alive. Please don’t leave, don’t do this to them again, don’t do this to me.”

“Don’t make this harder than it already is, Natalie. I was supposed to give you life, so you could carry on for me.” In that moment I realized that even ghosts can cry and it broke my heart.

“But, it’s not right. You said master and apprentice. I’m not nearly good enough to carry on without you, not yet! You promised that you would help me, I still need your help.” Brian held me closer, he was protecting me- for a casual prankster, Jimmy was awfully observant. But Brian couldn’t protect me from this, there was no way to stop the tears that were behind the flood gates.

“The student has yet to out play the teacher, but you’re well on your way. This show was more than enough proof.” He looked at everyone, those baby blues reducing all of them to their lowest forms, myself included.

“You said you would always be here- when I needed you, when they needed you. You promised you’d be my guardian angel. You can’t leave if I still need you to guard me.” I broke; like a twig in the forest I snapped in two under the pressure of his soul. I felt him squeeze my shoulder.

“I will always be here with you, don’t you ever think otherwise. When you need me, I’ll be here, I just have… I have to go. This is where you belong; standing where I stood, playing what I played, holding my family in place.” The way he blinked almost reminded me of how the shutter on camera captures a moment; maybe even in the afterlife you get to keep scrapbooks.

He pushed his fist against Johnny’s chest, “This is the bass, he’ll hold it together when nothing else can.” He moved his fist to Matt’s chest. “This is the mic, he will inspire you in ways you’ll never understand.” I nodded, he put both fists against Brian and Zack’s chests. “This is the treble, they will protect you with their lives. They will back you in a fight.” Then he put his fist right against my racing heart. “But you have to be the rock, you have to anchor your self to them, hold them tightly and don’t ever let go. They are your family, your brothers.” I bit my lip and nodded. They all looked like mush, just like me.

I pushed Brian’s arm off of me and hugged the ghost that held me together when all I could do was fall apart. We all did- the entire family. One last ceremonial group hug.

“I’m sorry for everything, but when you need me I will be here.” We broke apart and looked at him again. Why wasn’t anyone else saying anything, I didn’t know, I couldn’t understand, I couldn’t fathom.

“I love you, all of you” He walked right into me and I collapsed. I was like a rag doll being dropped to the ground by a neglectful owner.

“Don’t stop doing what you do best.” I wasn’t the one saying it, it was him, I could feel it. I felt so far away from it all, it was the feeling you get when you just wake up from an incredibly deep sleep.

I felt a sharp pain where my tattoo was, like someone just shot me with a paintball gun at point-blank range. I looked at my tattoo to see that REV was filled in with red and no longer was just the tone of my skin.

I stood back up, with some help from Johnny, and we sat down together on the couch. When I explained everything from the past eight months, they weren’t slow on believing me. After everything that just happened, how could they not believe?

“You have his eyes, now.” Brian pointed out in a kind of strange awe. In shock I ran to the mirror and looked. My dark brown irises were now his magnificent baby blues. I really did have him with me… body and soul. He gave me life and there was only one thing to do with it.

“From now until forever, I’ll live for you… for us, Jimmy.”