With a Delicate Soul, I Don't Claim to Know Much

Walking through the large venue, I had pushed the news I got two days ago, to the back of my head, putting on a front, not telling anyone. I've only talked to Kacie once since then, and it was to tell her I was sorry for hanging up on her.

Yes, I want to be a father, but I wanted to be married for a while, I wanted the baby to be planned, I wanted to make love with Kacie, knowing that we're trying to concieve. I didnt want it to be an accident, that's not how a baby should be made. Call old fashioned, call me what you want, but I wanted a planned family.

"Hey," Alex stopped me, "What's up Gabriel?" He questioned with his normal happy toned voice.

I just looked at him with wide eyes, "Kacie's pregnant." I said simply.

He nodded, "Yeah, I know ... Sammie told me early this morning. She told me that Kacie is throwing herself into her work, acting like she didnt take a test, acting like she isnt pregnant ... and obviously, you're doing the same thing." He shrugged.

I stared at him, trying to read his face but I couldnt, "I dont know what to do."

"You two have talked about babies, right?"

"Right."

"You both wanted them, right?"

"Right."

"I know it's unplanned, but you two made a baby, deal with it. Accept it, and enjoy it," He shook his head, "I would've killed to be with my ex when she was pregnant with Maria." He spoke of his four year old daughter.

I nodded a little.

"And you two are getting ready to get married ... you should love this."

"I know I should, but I'm fucking freaking out, ok?"

He patted my shoulder, "Call her." He nodded, "Just call her."

With that he walked away. I made a face as I took out my sidekick. I bit my lip as I stared at her number. After a few minutes, I shook my head no and put my phone back in my pocket before starting on my journey into the venue and to catering.

I feel like a jackass, I really do, but I dont know if I'm ready to handle this yet.

Not right now.

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I pulled up to the studio, and sighed softly as I got out of the car. Sammie got out of the passenger seat and followed me in, "Hun, are you sure you want me here with you?"

I nodded, "Yes." I answered, "And it's not like you havent seen me naked before." I pointed out, giving when we used to live together, we were very open. We're like sisters, I would walk around naked, she would too.

"Ok, I'm just making sure."

I nodded once again then we entered the studio. We went to the closed off set and I finally met Clayton.

"I'm so sorry that I had to push this up so soon." I apologized.

"Oh, it's really no problem." He smiled, "But I am kinda crunched for time so if you'll go ... undress and get in hair and make up. We can get started."

"Ok." I smiled then hurried away to the room that was labeled for me. Once in, I stripped myself of my clothes, and looked at my naked body in the full length mirror. Turning to the side, I put my hand on my lower stomach, that hasnt changed at all.

Biting my lip, I let my tears fall. I have been in denial for the past few days, working my ass off at work, and with the wedding. I have forced Beth to many meetings, and right now, we have over half of the wedding done, because of the way I have been working. I have only gotten maybe four hours of sleep.

How could I let this happen? I think half of me would be happy if Gabe didnt tell me he wanted to be married before he heard the words, I'm pregnant. The other half of me would be happy if I didnt have a wedding in a few months. I dont want to be showing on my wedding day, I dont. I dont want people to know I'm pregnant and if they do know, I dont want to be showing.

Slowly the dressing room door opened and I felt the white robe being draped over my shoulder, "I was wondering when you were just going to break down." Sammie whispered as she hugged me.

I shook my head, "How did I let this happen?" I sobbed.

"You didnt let anything happen. Things happen for a reason." She said calmly, "And it's not like Gabe is leaving you, he loves you, he is ... in shock by all of this, you know that kinda things isnt something most people would tell their significant other over the phone. Really, Honey, this is something you should be happy about."

I nodded, "I know," I backed away and closed the robe, tieing it shut, "Look at me,I look like shit."

"No, No you dont, sit down." She demanded.

I did as she asked then she started to do my hair and make up. As I sat there, looking at myself in the mirror, I had my hand on my lower stomach, "Im not showing, am I?"

"No, Hun, you're not." She smiled, "And I dont think you'll be showing by your wedding, maybe your abs wont be so defined, but you wont be fully showing."

"I want Gabe." I mumbled.

"And I'm sure he wants you, but he has a tour to finish, love."

I nodded, agreeing with her.

Slowly, the afternoon passed as I took the explicit photos of myself for Gabe's wedding gift. I wanted to push it up because I didnt want it to look like I was pregnant, and thank god, it doesnt. The only people who'll know I'm pregnant in the pictures are Gabe, Sammie and most likely Alex.

On the way home, Sammie drove as I quietly coped with what I'm going through. I need Gabriel more than ever, right now.