Saying Goodbye
The Last Letter
Dear Justin,
I would tell you I love you, but that doesn’t even begin to cover it. The truth is that what I feel for you is more than I can put into words; that’s not going to stop me from trying, though. When I was with you, I couldn’t think about anything else, I couldn’t do anything else. My breath would catch in my throat. You killed me with the way you walked and talked, the way your hair always stuck up in that same funny way. Your brown eyes were enough to make me sigh like a star-struck little girl. When I was with you, you and I were the only people on Earth, and that’s reason number one I’m moving on.
You’ve told me so many times that you love me more than the world. I remember every single time you’ve said it. The first was when we were stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel. You put your arm around me and said that you loved me, and you kissed me. I felt something deep inside myself rise to the surface and break open. I was flooded with emotion, and that was only the first time. So many embraces and kisses followed. You freed something inside me, and I can’t go back to being oblivious again. You’ve been perfect to me, and that’s reason number two that I’m moving on.
We’ve seen everything together. Remember our first date? I do. You asked me to go to homecoming with you, and I was so surprised. I said yes without thinking, and I’m glad I did, because I’ve never had a better time in my life. You took me to the movies, dinner, the mall countless times. Last year you visited me every weekend at college. I never told you how much that meant to me. We’ve been together on both coasts, in the north and south, even to Europe for the school trip. I’ve experienced as much of the world as I ever will with you, and this is reason number three I’m moving on.
I’ve given you seven years of my life, and in turn you gave me and equal number of yours. Fair trade. Seven years of true love is a miracle on this planet, and I wouldn’t give up those memories for anything. Those were easily the best years of my life. To be honest, I doubt I’ll ever have any better. A third of my life belongs to you, and this is reason number four I’m moving on.
You’ve taught me everything. It sounds corny, but without you, I wouldn’t have made it half as far as I am now. When I ran away from home, when I told you I was dropping out of college, you were there. You said it was my decision, you refused to tell me what to do, but you reminded me to think of my family, my friends, my future. What would have happened to me if you hadn’t been there, holding my hand all the way, is something I don’t like to think about. When I was depressed, I could feel myself being consumed by a horrible, great darkness. It welled up inside me and threatened to devour me. Every step I took felt lost and heavy and futile. Then you were there, holding a candle, and that coldness, that everlasting darkness lifted from my shoulders. I found myself slowly returning to a world surrounded in light. You’ve showed me the good in the world and made me a stronger person. I am forever grateful for your help, and this is reason number five I’m moving on.
And through all the years and places and kisses and memories, I never once doubted that you’d be mine forever. I dreamed, foolishly, of a little house on a suburban street, a minivan in the driveway and kids playing in the yard, while you and I watched and wondered how love could be so incredible, so perfect and innocent. But I was wrong in thinking I’d never lose you. You’re gone, you can never return to me, and this is reason number six, the final reason, I’m moving on.
Let me explain. I’ve discovered the capabilities of my love, how much power the simple action of loving has. In turn, you proved to me that I deserve it, too. You and I have seen this immense, beautiful, amazingly fragile world we live in, how immense and scary and full of life it is. I’ve learned the power of a simple memory. And, although it is something I never wanted to learn, the last thing you taught me was that the things we thought would be with us forever can be taken away at any moment.
I know I’m going to miss you. It’s going to hurt like crazy to drop this letter onto your coffin tomorrow, knowing it’s the last and the worst letter I’ll ever give you. It’s going to kill me inside to see them hand your wonderful, kind mother the folded-up flag, to see them cry, to see you leave this Earth. And I will never forget that twenty-one gun salute that I will undoubtedly hear. But after all we’ve seen and learned, how could I? I will always love you, but it’s time for me to move on. I deserve more than an empty life—that’s what you would tell me if you could be here. And I swear that I’ll live my life for the both of us. I’ll see you again someday. Until then, remember that I love you to the ends of the Earth, with all my heart and soul, with every ounce of life in me. I’ll never forget you, Private Justin.
Love forever,
Kaitlyn
I would tell you I love you, but that doesn’t even begin to cover it. The truth is that what I feel for you is more than I can put into words; that’s not going to stop me from trying, though. When I was with you, I couldn’t think about anything else, I couldn’t do anything else. My breath would catch in my throat. You killed me with the way you walked and talked, the way your hair always stuck up in that same funny way. Your brown eyes were enough to make me sigh like a star-struck little girl. When I was with you, you and I were the only people on Earth, and that’s reason number one I’m moving on.
You’ve told me so many times that you love me more than the world. I remember every single time you’ve said it. The first was when we were stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel. You put your arm around me and said that you loved me, and you kissed me. I felt something deep inside myself rise to the surface and break open. I was flooded with emotion, and that was only the first time. So many embraces and kisses followed. You freed something inside me, and I can’t go back to being oblivious again. You’ve been perfect to me, and that’s reason number two that I’m moving on.
We’ve seen everything together. Remember our first date? I do. You asked me to go to homecoming with you, and I was so surprised. I said yes without thinking, and I’m glad I did, because I’ve never had a better time in my life. You took me to the movies, dinner, the mall countless times. Last year you visited me every weekend at college. I never told you how much that meant to me. We’ve been together on both coasts, in the north and south, even to Europe for the school trip. I’ve experienced as much of the world as I ever will with you, and this is reason number three I’m moving on.
I’ve given you seven years of my life, and in turn you gave me and equal number of yours. Fair trade. Seven years of true love is a miracle on this planet, and I wouldn’t give up those memories for anything. Those were easily the best years of my life. To be honest, I doubt I’ll ever have any better. A third of my life belongs to you, and this is reason number four I’m moving on.
You’ve taught me everything. It sounds corny, but without you, I wouldn’t have made it half as far as I am now. When I ran away from home, when I told you I was dropping out of college, you were there. You said it was my decision, you refused to tell me what to do, but you reminded me to think of my family, my friends, my future. What would have happened to me if you hadn’t been there, holding my hand all the way, is something I don’t like to think about. When I was depressed, I could feel myself being consumed by a horrible, great darkness. It welled up inside me and threatened to devour me. Every step I took felt lost and heavy and futile. Then you were there, holding a candle, and that coldness, that everlasting darkness lifted from my shoulders. I found myself slowly returning to a world surrounded in light. You’ve showed me the good in the world and made me a stronger person. I am forever grateful for your help, and this is reason number five I’m moving on.
And through all the years and places and kisses and memories, I never once doubted that you’d be mine forever. I dreamed, foolishly, of a little house on a suburban street, a minivan in the driveway and kids playing in the yard, while you and I watched and wondered how love could be so incredible, so perfect and innocent. But I was wrong in thinking I’d never lose you. You’re gone, you can never return to me, and this is reason number six, the final reason, I’m moving on.
Let me explain. I’ve discovered the capabilities of my love, how much power the simple action of loving has. In turn, you proved to me that I deserve it, too. You and I have seen this immense, beautiful, amazingly fragile world we live in, how immense and scary and full of life it is. I’ve learned the power of a simple memory. And, although it is something I never wanted to learn, the last thing you taught me was that the things we thought would be with us forever can be taken away at any moment.
I know I’m going to miss you. It’s going to hurt like crazy to drop this letter onto your coffin tomorrow, knowing it’s the last and the worst letter I’ll ever give you. It’s going to kill me inside to see them hand your wonderful, kind mother the folded-up flag, to see them cry, to see you leave this Earth. And I will never forget that twenty-one gun salute that I will undoubtedly hear. But after all we’ve seen and learned, how could I? I will always love you, but it’s time for me to move on. I deserve more than an empty life—that’s what you would tell me if you could be here. And I swear that I’ll live my life for the both of us. I’ll see you again someday. Until then, remember that I love you to the ends of the Earth, with all my heart and soul, with every ounce of life in me. I’ll never forget you, Private Justin.
Love forever,
Kaitlyn