Have You Ever Heard Me Scream 'I Love You'?
life stories
At the table, I had my photo albums out from back in junior high, up until now, showing her everything, just getting to know her the best I can before I have to leave with Craig, to California.
"... And this is Craig and I at our first formal dance," I smiled, "We were in 7th grade and I remember it was a big deal because it used to be only 8th graders who got to go, but that year they let the 7th graders go too, so I forced Craig to take." I laughed.
She smiled, "You two look so cute." She looked up at me and smiled more, "You always knew you were going to end up with him, huh?"
I shrugged, "I suppose. I mean, I didn't know but I knew that what we had was pretty serious, because everyone else our age didn't have anything like it. All of our friends used to make fun of us, but by the end of high school, everyone just sorta saw it coming."
She nodded, "You got married right after graduation?"
"Yeah, three days afterward." I licked my lips a bit, "We took a small little honeymoon to Florida, for three days then came home and Craig went on tour." I answered as I flipped the page slowly, "when he was nineteen, he was in ICU for a few months."
She looked at me, worry in her eyes, "What happened?"
"He was misdiagnosed with mono, but it was pneumonia. He was throwing up, his lungs collapsed, he couldn't eat, he lost a lot of weight, he had to relearn how to walk, how to breathe. And after he was better and out of the hospital, it was only two weeks later he went back out on tour."
"He's completely better though, right?"
"Yeah, he takes better care of himself now. He doesn't have full use of his right lung, but he's healthy," I smiled then it faded, "I was also pregnant right when he first got into the hospital, I had a miscarriage. The stress was too much I guess, and it was my first pregnancy. It was completely unplanned, and happened when we were still using protection. It was a tough time, for both Craig and I."
She shook her head as she reached over, taking my hand in hers, "I wish I was here."
I nodded, "It's OK, now." I eyed her, not knowing if I should open all the way up an tell her about Craig's breakdowns or not, I mean, it's not something you go parading around talking about. Its very personal, his own mother doesn't even know the whole truth behind them, I barely do, and I know there's still things that Craig isn't coming out and talking about with me, his inner demons, so to speak.
"No, I told you what the fuck I was going to do," Craig growled, "I'm flying out to LA with Kaykay, I'm playing a few shows with the sounds of animals fighting, and Cinematic Sunrise is playing too," He snapped, "Then you guys are flying out to LA to kick off the Atreyu tour." He added with a calmer voice as he grabbed a red Gatorade from the fridge and disappeared again.
"Kaykay?" My mom asked softly.
I nodded, "Yeah, when Craig and I first met, he said he liked the name Kaykay better than Kayla, it stuck," I laughed, "he's the only one who calls me that, well, Aaron does sometimes, but mainly it's Craig."
She nodded then looked back at the photo album, "You know, I tried so hard to talk to you. Sent letters, I called. Your Father though, he insisted that I not talk to you and Aaron. I regret leaving only because of you two, I missed you two," She paused, "but I was at the point, that I was scared for him to come home at night, so I left after Aaron was born, I knew he wouldn't hurt you two. I divorced him then got my life back on track, went back to school, where I met Randy," She smiled of her husbands name, "We got married, we have three kids," She paused, "One is 16, our only girl is 10, and our youngest is 8."
I smiled, all of them are actually here, but the 16 year old I guess is at the hotel, because he's having 'girl' problems but I'll meet him tonight at Dinner, hopefully.
"Sweetie?" Craig questioned as he walked in, "Which bag do you want to use?" He mumbled softly, "Your black one or the red one?" He paused, "I was thinking the red, because it's bigger, holds more clothes."
I nodded, "that's fine. Are you packing for me?" I laughed.
He laughed, "Hell no, I just want to know which one to get out of the garage."
I frowned, "Craigery that wasn't nice at all."
He rolled his eyes as he walked over and kissed my forehead, "Since when am I nice?" He joked as he looked at the pictures, "Oh, lord." He sighed as he sat down, "Is Kayla showing you all my awkward teenage years?"
"You were cute." My mom laughed softly.
He shook his head, "Hardly," He pointed to a picture of the two of us at the lake, "I almost didn't go on the trip because my voice was cracking, I was so embarrassed but Kayla talked me into it. I ended up having fun, though." He slowly stood up and stretched towards the ceiling before looking down at me, "Want me to go get some lunch?" He asked softly.
"Yes," I smiled up at him, "Go see what Randy and the kids want. And you know what I like." I turned to my Mother, "want something?"
She smiled, "Randy will know what to get me." She insisted.
"OK" He bent down and kissed my lips softly. I smiled into the kiss before pulling away. I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly, as our unborn son moved about within me. He smirked cutely as he gently gripped my belly the best he could, "How long has he been moving?"
"Just now. He must've heard his Daddy and wanted attention." I insisted.
Craig rolled his bright blue eyes then kissed me again before whispering that he loved me and the baby, then left. I looked at my mom and she smiled like any proud mother would, "Have you named him yet?"
I shook my head, "no, not yet. But for his nursery, it's going to be a sail boat/ anchor theme. Craig and I love the ocean and Craig loves boats, he wants to take me on a cruise this coming late January, early February." I blushed, "I don't know, we have a lot of work to do to prepare for the baby, and he's on tour until mid November, The baby is due December 3rd, or right around there."
She nodded then smiled, "Do you mind if I'm here?"
"No, not at all." I answered, "I'm not going to lie, I'm probably only going to want Craig after I have the baby, I get really emotional and it's our first baby, but the day after everyone will be able to see him."
"Oh, I understand, after I had you, I didn't see any family or friends until I was home. It was just your Father and I with you, and the nurses."
"Do I have any family on your side?"
"You do," She smiled, "I have a brother and a sister, both younger than me. You have six cousins, well, soon to be seven. My parents are very much alive and they're in Austin." She shrugged, "Austin is where I grew up, I moved to Detroit to go to school then I met your Dad. I come from a huge family, you have a great grandmother too, my Dad's mom." She smiled then shrugged, "You, Craig, Aaron and Stacey need to make a trip out there to see us."
I smiled, "We would have to bring, Tyler and Zack, along with Gwen and Natalie." I paused, "Craig and I are Tyler and Gwen's legal guardians and Aaron is Zack's guardian." I bit the inside of my cheek, "With all that has happened with Dad and all, the twins they've been through a lot."
"You're close with them huh?"
I nodded, 'Yeah, I am. Aaron and I we helped raise them, babysat them. they're our brothers, Gwen is our sister now, I have a newborn niece. Dad is in prison for a while, their mom, well, she's insane. Aaron and I, we're all the twins have now. Gwen's family disowned her for getting pregnant. Things have been hard."
She nodded slightly, "I bet. How are you dealing with your Dad being in prison?"
"I'm OK. He belongs there, hitting the twins left me speechless. Craig has really been there for me the best he can be. Aaron was my rock through the summer, he got me through, and Craig's Mom. Since I didn't have you growing up, I had Craig's mom. I turned to her for everything. She took the place of a mother when she didn't have to be."
"She seems nice."
"She is, she's almost 39. She had Craig when she was 17. She was strong raised him right. Her parents taught Craig the meaning of love though. Craig loves his grandparents to no end. He's close with them. We try hard to have the love that they do, but it gets difficult for sure."
She nodded, "Is she coming to the barbecue tonight?"
"Yes, Her and her husband Adam." I smiled.
She smiled, "I'd love to talk to her."
Suddenly, Craig walked in with to-go McDonald's bags then put them on the counter. He looked over at me and smiled, "So, while I was away fetching food." He mumbled, "I started to think, 'hey, my birthday is in two days, and my wife hasn't even asked what I wanted' Kaykay, you haven't even hinted anything."
I looked at him, "I figured we could skip this year."
He laughed, 'I'm turning 22 and you want to skip it?" He gasped as he walked over with my food and sat it down in front of me before getting my Mothers and handing it to her.
I nodded, "basically, yeah."
"well, fine, we'll skip your birthday too," He huffed, "it's only in a month, but it's no big deal."
I frowned, "it is."
"It isn't," he got his food and sat down next to me then pointed to the burger, "If you don't want the big mac, we cant switch, I got the quarter pounder, not knowing what you wanted, you change it up every time we go."
I switched the burgers with him and he laughed, "I knew you were going to do that." he shook his head then sighed softly as he opened the box and took out his very unhealthy meal.
Slowly, the day passed by and my Mom decided to leave with Randy and the kids to freshen up at the hotel before the barbecue. Laying on the couch with Craig I stared at the TV blankly as I gently traced his bare chest.
"She's nice." I whispered.
"I know." He agreed as he played with my hair.
"Not what I was expecting, she's so much more."
He nodded his head. I lifted my head and looked at my husband, he stared back and caressed my face slowly, "I have family."
"You've always had family, sweetie."
"I know, but, I have a lot of family. Meaning you have a lot of in-laws."
He laughed, "great." He teased as he rolled his eyes.
With my hand flat against his chest, I rubbed slowly, "and for you birthday I have the perfect present."
"Oh?"
I nodded, "but you're gonna have to wait to see it."
He made a pouty face then lifted his head, "I want a kiss."
I smirked and shook my head, "nah."
"Yes" He insisted as he pressed his lips to mine, kissing me deeply and slowly. He pulled away after a few minutes and laid his head back down, "I say we go upstairs and make love before everyone gets here."
"Yeah?"
He nodded, "I still havent made love to my pregnant wifey, I'd like to do so. Rumor has it pregnant women are really horny."
I laughed and nodded, "we are."
"Good, because this soon to be Daddy wants--needs to get laid within the next 12 hours before he flips his lid and starts to get pissy with everyone," He mumbled, "I'm a wreck without sex."
I nodded, knowing he is. I kissed his chest softly then sat up all the way, "How about tonight I'm all yours and you don't get drunk, you stay sober." I poked his stomach, "We can make love tonight, I'm sleepy. I didn't even sleep last night, I've been up."
He sat up and hugged me tightly, "wanna go snuggle in bed?"
I nodded, "That sounds perfect."
"Snuggle in bed with a baby name book?"
I smiled, "OK ... now that sounds perfect."
He laughed quietly as he kissed my neck and got up. He grabbed his shirt that I took off of him and threw to the floor then held out his hand. I took his hand and stood up as well, as he led me upstairs and into our room. We laid in bed, and he grabbed the baby names book from my nightstand and opened it slowly, "Alright, do we want manly?"
I frowned, "how can a name be manly?"
"I don't know." He answered as he flipped through the pages slowly.
As he read through the names that I have highlighted I closed my eyes, listening to his heart beating, with my leg straddled over his hips, and his thigh pressed firmly to me between my legs. And slowly, I found myself getting turned on, giving this is the first time we've been alone since he's been back.
Opening my eyes, I took the book from him and turned his head to me. He looked at me, his blue eyes hiding behind his glasses, making him look adorable, yes, adorable, "What? Were the names I like that bad?" he asked.
I shook my head as I took his glasses off and put them on the night stand and lightly kissed his lips, suggestively. He moaned softly, as he wrapped his arms around me, "I see what this is about." He whispered then sighed as he pressed his forehead to mine, "Change your mind?"
I nodded, "Yeah, but I want something slow, nothing fast."
"I know it," He mumbled then sat up as he started helping me out of my clothes along with placing random kisses here and there on my body. As I laid there with my husband, on the verge of making love, I couldn't help but think about how I don't deserve to have such an amazing family, an amazing life. And I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world.
Nothing.
"... And this is Craig and I at our first formal dance," I smiled, "We were in 7th grade and I remember it was a big deal because it used to be only 8th graders who got to go, but that year they let the 7th graders go too, so I forced Craig to take." I laughed.
She smiled, "You two look so cute." She looked up at me and smiled more, "You always knew you were going to end up with him, huh?"
I shrugged, "I suppose. I mean, I didn't know but I knew that what we had was pretty serious, because everyone else our age didn't have anything like it. All of our friends used to make fun of us, but by the end of high school, everyone just sorta saw it coming."
She nodded, "You got married right after graduation?"
"Yeah, three days afterward." I licked my lips a bit, "We took a small little honeymoon to Florida, for three days then came home and Craig went on tour." I answered as I flipped the page slowly, "when he was nineteen, he was in ICU for a few months."
She looked at me, worry in her eyes, "What happened?"
"He was misdiagnosed with mono, but it was pneumonia. He was throwing up, his lungs collapsed, he couldn't eat, he lost a lot of weight, he had to relearn how to walk, how to breathe. And after he was better and out of the hospital, it was only two weeks later he went back out on tour."
"He's completely better though, right?"
"Yeah, he takes better care of himself now. He doesn't have full use of his right lung, but he's healthy," I smiled then it faded, "I was also pregnant right when he first got into the hospital, I had a miscarriage. The stress was too much I guess, and it was my first pregnancy. It was completely unplanned, and happened when we were still using protection. It was a tough time, for both Craig and I."
She shook her head as she reached over, taking my hand in hers, "I wish I was here."
I nodded, "It's OK, now." I eyed her, not knowing if I should open all the way up an tell her about Craig's breakdowns or not, I mean, it's not something you go parading around talking about. Its very personal, his own mother doesn't even know the whole truth behind them, I barely do, and I know there's still things that Craig isn't coming out and talking about with me, his inner demons, so to speak.
"No, I told you what the fuck I was going to do," Craig growled, "I'm flying out to LA with Kaykay, I'm playing a few shows with the sounds of animals fighting, and Cinematic Sunrise is playing too," He snapped, "Then you guys are flying out to LA to kick off the Atreyu tour." He added with a calmer voice as he grabbed a red Gatorade from the fridge and disappeared again.
"Kaykay?" My mom asked softly.
I nodded, "Yeah, when Craig and I first met, he said he liked the name Kaykay better than Kayla, it stuck," I laughed, "he's the only one who calls me that, well, Aaron does sometimes, but mainly it's Craig."
She nodded then looked back at the photo album, "You know, I tried so hard to talk to you. Sent letters, I called. Your Father though, he insisted that I not talk to you and Aaron. I regret leaving only because of you two, I missed you two," She paused, "but I was at the point, that I was scared for him to come home at night, so I left after Aaron was born, I knew he wouldn't hurt you two. I divorced him then got my life back on track, went back to school, where I met Randy," She smiled of her husbands name, "We got married, we have three kids," She paused, "One is 16, our only girl is 10, and our youngest is 8."
I smiled, all of them are actually here, but the 16 year old I guess is at the hotel, because he's having 'girl' problems but I'll meet him tonight at Dinner, hopefully.
"Sweetie?" Craig questioned as he walked in, "Which bag do you want to use?" He mumbled softly, "Your black one or the red one?" He paused, "I was thinking the red, because it's bigger, holds more clothes."
I nodded, "that's fine. Are you packing for me?" I laughed.
He laughed, "Hell no, I just want to know which one to get out of the garage."
I frowned, "Craigery that wasn't nice at all."
He rolled his eyes as he walked over and kissed my forehead, "Since when am I nice?" He joked as he looked at the pictures, "Oh, lord." He sighed as he sat down, "Is Kayla showing you all my awkward teenage years?"
"You were cute." My mom laughed softly.
He shook his head, "Hardly," He pointed to a picture of the two of us at the lake, "I almost didn't go on the trip because my voice was cracking, I was so embarrassed but Kayla talked me into it. I ended up having fun, though." He slowly stood up and stretched towards the ceiling before looking down at me, "Want me to go get some lunch?" He asked softly.
"Yes," I smiled up at him, "Go see what Randy and the kids want. And you know what I like." I turned to my Mother, "want something?"
She smiled, "Randy will know what to get me." She insisted.
"OK" He bent down and kissed my lips softly. I smiled into the kiss before pulling away. I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly, as our unborn son moved about within me. He smirked cutely as he gently gripped my belly the best he could, "How long has he been moving?"
"Just now. He must've heard his Daddy and wanted attention." I insisted.
Craig rolled his bright blue eyes then kissed me again before whispering that he loved me and the baby, then left. I looked at my mom and she smiled like any proud mother would, "Have you named him yet?"
I shook my head, "no, not yet. But for his nursery, it's going to be a sail boat/ anchor theme. Craig and I love the ocean and Craig loves boats, he wants to take me on a cruise this coming late January, early February." I blushed, "I don't know, we have a lot of work to do to prepare for the baby, and he's on tour until mid November, The baby is due December 3rd, or right around there."
She nodded then smiled, "Do you mind if I'm here?"
"No, not at all." I answered, "I'm not going to lie, I'm probably only going to want Craig after I have the baby, I get really emotional and it's our first baby, but the day after everyone will be able to see him."
"Oh, I understand, after I had you, I didn't see any family or friends until I was home. It was just your Father and I with you, and the nurses."
"Do I have any family on your side?"
"You do," She smiled, "I have a brother and a sister, both younger than me. You have six cousins, well, soon to be seven. My parents are very much alive and they're in Austin." She shrugged, "Austin is where I grew up, I moved to Detroit to go to school then I met your Dad. I come from a huge family, you have a great grandmother too, my Dad's mom." She smiled then shrugged, "You, Craig, Aaron and Stacey need to make a trip out there to see us."
I smiled, "We would have to bring, Tyler and Zack, along with Gwen and Natalie." I paused, "Craig and I are Tyler and Gwen's legal guardians and Aaron is Zack's guardian." I bit the inside of my cheek, "With all that has happened with Dad and all, the twins they've been through a lot."
"You're close with them huh?"
I nodded, 'Yeah, I am. Aaron and I we helped raise them, babysat them. they're our brothers, Gwen is our sister now, I have a newborn niece. Dad is in prison for a while, their mom, well, she's insane. Aaron and I, we're all the twins have now. Gwen's family disowned her for getting pregnant. Things have been hard."
She nodded slightly, "I bet. How are you dealing with your Dad being in prison?"
"I'm OK. He belongs there, hitting the twins left me speechless. Craig has really been there for me the best he can be. Aaron was my rock through the summer, he got me through, and Craig's Mom. Since I didn't have you growing up, I had Craig's mom. I turned to her for everything. She took the place of a mother when she didn't have to be."
"She seems nice."
"She is, she's almost 39. She had Craig when she was 17. She was strong raised him right. Her parents taught Craig the meaning of love though. Craig loves his grandparents to no end. He's close with them. We try hard to have the love that they do, but it gets difficult for sure."
She nodded, "Is she coming to the barbecue tonight?"
"Yes, Her and her husband Adam." I smiled.
She smiled, "I'd love to talk to her."
Suddenly, Craig walked in with to-go McDonald's bags then put them on the counter. He looked over at me and smiled, "So, while I was away fetching food." He mumbled, "I started to think, 'hey, my birthday is in two days, and my wife hasn't even asked what I wanted' Kaykay, you haven't even hinted anything."
I looked at him, "I figured we could skip this year."
He laughed, 'I'm turning 22 and you want to skip it?" He gasped as he walked over with my food and sat it down in front of me before getting my Mothers and handing it to her.
I nodded, "basically, yeah."
"well, fine, we'll skip your birthday too," He huffed, "it's only in a month, but it's no big deal."
I frowned, "it is."
"It isn't," he got his food and sat down next to me then pointed to the burger, "If you don't want the big mac, we cant switch, I got the quarter pounder, not knowing what you wanted, you change it up every time we go."
I switched the burgers with him and he laughed, "I knew you were going to do that." he shook his head then sighed softly as he opened the box and took out his very unhealthy meal.
Slowly, the day passed by and my Mom decided to leave with Randy and the kids to freshen up at the hotel before the barbecue. Laying on the couch with Craig I stared at the TV blankly as I gently traced his bare chest.
"She's nice." I whispered.
"I know." He agreed as he played with my hair.
"Not what I was expecting, she's so much more."
He nodded his head. I lifted my head and looked at my husband, he stared back and caressed my face slowly, "I have family."
"You've always had family, sweetie."
"I know, but, I have a lot of family. Meaning you have a lot of in-laws."
He laughed, "great." He teased as he rolled his eyes.
With my hand flat against his chest, I rubbed slowly, "and for you birthday I have the perfect present."
"Oh?"
I nodded, "but you're gonna have to wait to see it."
He made a pouty face then lifted his head, "I want a kiss."
I smirked and shook my head, "nah."
"Yes" He insisted as he pressed his lips to mine, kissing me deeply and slowly. He pulled away after a few minutes and laid his head back down, "I say we go upstairs and make love before everyone gets here."
"Yeah?"
He nodded, "I still havent made love to my pregnant wifey, I'd like to do so. Rumor has it pregnant women are really horny."
I laughed and nodded, "we are."
"Good, because this soon to be Daddy wants--needs to get laid within the next 12 hours before he flips his lid and starts to get pissy with everyone," He mumbled, "I'm a wreck without sex."
I nodded, knowing he is. I kissed his chest softly then sat up all the way, "How about tonight I'm all yours and you don't get drunk, you stay sober." I poked his stomach, "We can make love tonight, I'm sleepy. I didn't even sleep last night, I've been up."
He sat up and hugged me tightly, "wanna go snuggle in bed?"
I nodded, "That sounds perfect."
"Snuggle in bed with a baby name book?"
I smiled, "OK ... now that sounds perfect."
He laughed quietly as he kissed my neck and got up. He grabbed his shirt that I took off of him and threw to the floor then held out his hand. I took his hand and stood up as well, as he led me upstairs and into our room. We laid in bed, and he grabbed the baby names book from my nightstand and opened it slowly, "Alright, do we want manly?"
I frowned, "how can a name be manly?"
"I don't know." He answered as he flipped through the pages slowly.
As he read through the names that I have highlighted I closed my eyes, listening to his heart beating, with my leg straddled over his hips, and his thigh pressed firmly to me between my legs. And slowly, I found myself getting turned on, giving this is the first time we've been alone since he's been back.
Opening my eyes, I took the book from him and turned his head to me. He looked at me, his blue eyes hiding behind his glasses, making him look adorable, yes, adorable, "What? Were the names I like that bad?" he asked.
I shook my head as I took his glasses off and put them on the night stand and lightly kissed his lips, suggestively. He moaned softly, as he wrapped his arms around me, "I see what this is about." He whispered then sighed as he pressed his forehead to mine, "Change your mind?"
I nodded, "Yeah, but I want something slow, nothing fast."
"I know it," He mumbled then sat up as he started helping me out of my clothes along with placing random kisses here and there on my body. As I laid there with my husband, on the verge of making love, I couldn't help but think about how I don't deserve to have such an amazing family, an amazing life. And I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world.
Nothing.