Memories and Rememberance

Concentration is a difficult subject for me. It requires focus, and relaxation; two of which I don't have. Because I don't choose what comes to my mind...my mind chooses for me.

Which in a way is a total irony.

Cause doesn't your brain have control over everything except your heart? That would mean that everything I did, thought, or said didn't really come from me.

So who am I?

I've picked up on my name. Sky. It just doesn't fit me. I guess from so many dreams I've had, the name just kind of became a part of me.

But I feel lost. I feel like I'm not really Sky. Like maybe I'm someone else.

And then I figured it out. Well, I guess techinically I didn't figure it out, but I had a sort of...hypothesis.

I am in someone else's body.

It makes total sense. It would explain why I can feel and see, and do things that others can't. It explains why sometimes when I talk, and I don't know it's me talking. It explains why everything about me that I know of seems off. It also explains why I've died so many times, and yet I always come back to life.

What it doesn't explain is how I feel.

Because no matter how off I feel about myself, I know that I love him. He is everything to me. Kind of like...an addiction. I need him.

I just wish I could figure everything out. Because like I said before, I have to know!

When I came to this conclusion of not being myself, I thought about how I have to become human.

And I've figured it out.

Everytime the girl dies, I come back to the ugly grey fog. Maybe if I made sure she didn't die, neither would I.

Cause her body and everything is still there, but it's me keeping her alive.

I've wondered if I was assigned to her. Sort of like a haunter, or even to give her more chances at life.

Cause I sure as hell wish I got that.

But I think it's better if I'm like this. Cause I might not've known him if not.

And he is simply...amazing.

Thinking about him also gets me drousy, sleeping, tired. So I fall asleep in the black clouds, waiting to feel that warmth again.

This time I'm in front of a house. I have no idea who's it is or how I got here, but I know it's necessary to be here. I knock on the door. Well, Sky does. There's a slight sobbing on the other side. The doors creaks open.

"Who is it?" It's him. that rough, sexy voice. I smile automatically.

"It's me...Sky." The door opens immediately. There he is. His cheeks are stained with tears and he's choking out small gasps. His eyes widens.

"Sk-sky? No! How can this be happening? You keep coming back." I put my hand out. He shies away.

"It's me. I know it's hard to explain, but I just...I always come back to life. I have this...spirit inside of me." I say.

"I'm being delusional." He says. I rush into his arms and kiss him. The warmth overflows me until I can't stand it.

"You just need to not let me die." I say into his shoulder. He pulls away and looks at me. I smile.

"What?" He asks. I kiss another tear that falls down his cheek.

"That's the reason I always leave. I die. You can't let me die. You have to let me live." I don't realize my voice is getting louder and louder. He hugs me.

"Okay, okay! Calm down. I'll never let you leave my sight again, I promise." I smile. He leads me into the living room. It's a mess in here.

"Why haven't you cleaned?" I ask. He looks down at the floor sheepishly.

"I'm nothing without you in my life." My heart beats. I love that feeling. We sit on the couch. He's watching Halloween.

"Lean into me...please." He says. I lay next to him and let my head rest on his chest. He puts his arms around me and hold me tight. He kisses the top of my head.

"You are my life. Never leave again." He says. I kiss him.

"I promise..I won't." I feel myself falling asleep slowly...and this time...I don't go back to my dead self.