Sick of Me

Around ten o'clock Monday morning I was getting ready to meet John Roecker for coffee. Rita was at school and Billie kept Jack home from day care. Billie Joe had become pretty good friends with John over the years, but of course he didn't want to go hang out with him if I was there.

"You're gonna be okay with Jack?" I was just about to leave and I wanted to make sure he wasn't going to have any problems.

"Of course I'll be fine Grace. This isn't my first time alone with my child." His reply was sharp and it was obvious that he was still thinking about what I had said to him yesterday.

"Look.. I'm sorry for what I said. I was upset because of Rita and I dunno…"

He didn't seem to care about my apology.

"Just go, alright? I know how low my record sales have been. I don't need my wife reminding me all the time." Billie was finally speaking to me with more than three word phrases.

"Maybe if you actually treated me like your wife I wouldn't be as annoying as you think I am." I looked over to Jack, who was jumping around on the couch.

"Give me some kisses, baby!" I smiled, lifting Jack up and giving him a few kisses.

"Bye momma!" Jack was always so upbeat.

"Be good for daddy," I reminded the boy as I set him back down.

"I'll be back in an hour or two."

Billie nodded, "Take your time."

Great, back to three word sentences.

"Later," I mumbled to myself, walking out the door.

---

John and I met at a local coffee place and were catching up when he decided to ask about Billie.

"How are you two? Did being on tour help at all?" John had a window into Billie's life that I currently didn't.

"It's not good. I talked about keeping the kids from him and called him out for taking out his frustrations over poor record sales on me all in the same argument."

"Wow, good job. What brought on this latest battle royal?" John fiddled with the coaster his coffee was supposed to be sitting on.

"He broke a promise to Rita Mae because he came home wasted."

"She wanted to play soccer the next morning, huh?" I nodded, staring out the window blankly. Rita was going through a soccer phase. She played at recess and lunch every day; it was her favourite sport.

"When was the last time you and Billie fucked?" John was never one to beat around the bush but he still
managed to catch me off guard.

"I have no idea… Six or seven months at least."

"That's the problem. You two just need a really good fuck."

"Yeah well who's to say that Billie hasn't had a few?" I knew it wasn't true, but I was feeling bitter.

"Grace you know that deep down, you're the girl he's ever wanted to bone." John was so oddly sentimental at times and always made me laugh.

"Thanks," I smiled for a few seconds.

"Do you want me to knock some sense into him?" I was pretty sure John was only kidding, but with him who knows.

"That's okay. Hopefully things will just work themselves out."

"Well from what I've heard from Billie, you've been trying too hard."

"When did he tell you that?"

"Before leaving on tour."

"Wow… I haven't really been going out of my way… I just do what I normally do." I guess even that was too much for Billie.

"Maybe you should try counseling."

"Are you joking?"

By the look on John's face, he was totally serious.

"Billie Joe just needs to sit down and talk to me. I hate being ignored and treated like I don't exist or matter."

"That's what counseling is for. It's a place to sit and talk."

"Even if I wanted to, Billie would never go for it. He's the salt of the Earth as far as he's concerned."

"Billie knows he's far from perfect, trust me." I could tell that John was holding back details, but I wasn't in the mod to press him.

Coffee turned into lunch, then we went down to Telegraph Avenue. John wanted me to follow some of his advice and get some sexy lingerie to maybe spark something between Billie and myself. I think we picked out something to catch his attention.

---

I went to pick Rita Mae up from school at 2:30 like I did on Mondays. She took the bus every other day of the week, but being picked up was always a good way to finish the dreary day.

I parked my car and went to wait for her like I always did, scanning the herd of children for my daughter's brunette hair and Squirtle backpack.

When all of the kids had met their parents or gotten on the bus, Rita was nowhere to be seen. A sudden panic hit me and I looked around frantically.

"Rita Mae?"

All of my worst fears were running through my head at the same time. Looking around, I spotted the teacher on duty to supervise pickup.

"Hi, I'm Grace Armstrong. Have you seen my daughter Rita Mae? She's about this tall with dark brown hair and she has a backpack with that Pokemon, Squirtle, on it." I held my hand to my wast to indicate her height to the woman.

She told me that she had seen Rita being picked up by her father a few minutes before I came and a wave of relief washed over me. Then the panic set in again.

"Could you describe him for me?" Anyone could come and say that they were her father.

"He was shorter, wearing a leather jacket and jeans.. He had on sunglasses and a hat, and there was a little boy that looked just like him there too."

That was definitely Billie Joe and Jack.

"Okay, thank you." I headed back to my BMW, ready to give him a piece of my mind.

When I walked into the house I glanced around for Billie but I didn't see him. Come to think of it, I didn't see Jack or Rita Mae either. I checked upstairs in their rooms then went into the basement, where I heard the familiar riffs of Billie's guitar. I finally got down the stairs and I saw the kids sitting and watching, entranced as Billie played for them.

As he finished the song he had made up off the top of his head, he looked up at me and set one of his many Gibsons down.

"Oh, I picked up Rita from school."

"I figured when I went to get her and she wasn't there." I tried to play at cool as I sat on the sofa.

"Did you have a snack yet?"

Rita shook her head.

"There are carrots, ranch and juice boxes in the fridge for you both. Go on up and have them at the counter."

My obedient children hurried up the stairs, leaving Billie and myself alone.

"Thanks for telling me that you were going to get her."

We stared at each other, squaring off for round two of yesterday's match.

"I didn't know that I had to check in with you to pick up my daughter from school." Surprisingly Billie was going to participate in this argument.

"It would have been nice to know before I went and she wasn't there. I freaked out."

Of course, Billie might not know where I'm coming from, being on the road all the time.

"I'm sorry… It was a last minute thing." His demeanor surprised me completely. I had no idea what to say.

"Oh, wow. I'm so used to having to fight with you…"

"Yeah well maybe I don't feel like dealing with that right now." Billie was starting to become defensive again.

"So you didn't really mean what you just said then, did you?"

"Really Grace? I said I was sorry. What more do you want from me?"

Now was my chance to pour out everything I had been holding in but I saw the impatient look on Billie's face and became annoyed.

"Just go upstairs and eat some carrots, fatass." I snapped at him.

Billie had put on a pretty good amount of weight over the past year and he knew it.

"At least I don't have fucking stretch marks." His reply brought me to my feet and I pulled up the front of my shirt, revealing my stomach.

"I lost all of my baby weight, without stretch marks. If you ever start losing all of that lard, I suggest rubbing yourself with shea butter."

He had no idea how hard it was for me to get back to the size I was before I had kids. But in all my rage, I hadn't noticed the fiery look in Billie's eyes as he stared at me, taking short, controlled breaths.

"What the hell is going on with you?"

Billie didn't say a word. He grabbed my arms, pushing me against the wall and letting out a low, animalistic growl. I stood there stunned, having no clue what to do. He was really starting to scare me though. His green eyes were locked on mine and it was like he was being possessed.

"The kids are upstairs by themselves." I heard my voice crack, making Billie smirk.

"They'll be fine."

He put one hand on my neck and left the other on my arm, moving in and roughly attacking my lips with his. Where the hell was this coming from? Who was I kidding, I didn't care. I kissed him back, wrapping my free arm around his neck and pulling him in as close as I could. He pulled back an inch or two after a few minutes, catching his breath. Leaning his forehead on mine, he still had an intense gleam in his eyes. For a second I thought I could feel a change, but then Billie looked away.

"I'm gonna go have a cigarette." He let go of me and I felt the warmth of his body leave mine as he backed away.

I walked up the stairs after him and as he headed out to the back yard I saw that Jack and Rita Mae were playing in the living room. I cleaned up the kitchen, trying to sort myself out after what had just happened.