Sick of Me

[Grace]

As it turned out, Jack just had a 24-hour bug. I had taken him to the doctors and a few hours after he seemed much better than before. It was a relief knowing that he didn't have some illness that would make him feel miserable, because when my kids are sick it makes me feel sick too. Billie had been watching Rita like a hawk to make sure she didn't get the bug Jack had gotten, but she seemed fine. Usually a bug would work through everyone in our family like clockwork that starts with one of the kids and usually ends with me.

"Rita Mae has been spending a lot of time with that Andy kid…" Billie was getting ready to go to pick her up from his house after their play date.

"So? They're best friends. It's cute that they're attached."

"Don't you think they're a little too attached?" Billie slid a studded belt through the loops of his black jeans and I rolled my eyes.

"Uh, we were super attached to each other too when we were kids, Billie."

He made some comment and I told him to calm down. They were just little kids being best friends and he shouldn't be getting that worked up over it.

"I just don't think I want her to have the feeling of needing someone so badly that she would die without them."

"Are you talking about Rita Mae or yourself now?" Billie simply shot me a look and I knew that he meant himself.

"I want Rita Mae to know what it's like to love and be loved unconditionally."

I told Billie that I was going to meet up with a friend and instead of questioning it like he usually would, he told me to have fun.

"I will, thanks. Don't give Rita a tough time, okay?" Billie Joe laughed as I gave him a kiss and slapped his ass.

"You sure are feisty today.." He pulled me against his chest and I laughed, leaning my forehead on his shoulder and mumbling that it was probably the hormones.

"Hey, what if we both get Rita and Jack, then how about we get ice cream?"

"What about your friend?"

I was only gonna meet up with Stella and she would understand if I needed a rain check.

---

We all sat outside the ice cream shop at a table, eating and talking, when I felt like someone was watching us. I glanced around and noticed a few photographers out of the corner of my eye, so I caught Billie's attention discreetly and he nodded. It wasn’t every day that he was caught by photographers because people in the Bay were usually laid back.

"Hey, let's get going you guys…" Billie went to pick up Jack, who shook his head.

"I'm not done!"

"Come on, Jack, Daddy says we have to go." Rita was finished and cleaning up after herself. Jack glared at her and shoved a spoon full of chocolate ice cream into his mouth.

"Jackson Danger, you either stop now or you won't get dessert for the rest of the week." I knew that Billie hated threatening him like that, but he hated having his privacy so blatantly invaded more.

Billie Joe pulled his red beanie down a little bit more before picking Jack up while I threw our trash away. As we headed for Billie's car, he looked at both of the kids to make sure they weren't looking when he flipped off the photographers with his free hand. People were usually really respectful of Billie when he's out with the kids, but today was different I guess.

"I'm sorry about that you guys…" Billie apologized again as he was driving us home, saying that it was just something that came with his job.

"What is your job, daddy?" Jack has probably asked him this a thousand times, maybe even more.

"Daddy is a rock star!" Rita was so proud that he played music for a living. "Oh.. Uh, career day is coming up at school soon."

"Yeah? When? I'll have to see if I can clear my schedule if I have anything planned." Billie had always wanted to go to career day for some reason. He loved school functions and always went when he could. Maybe it was because after his father died, no one was able to go to his events as often as he had wanted.

"Dad, I'm sorry but I was going to ask Momma to come."

My eyes widened at Rita's choice and I saw Billie's grip tighten on the steering wheel as he parked in the driveway.

"That's sweet of you, but I think your dad really wants to go." I tried my best to convince her.

"But you own a store, help run Adeline, and you're in a band!" I couldn't argue with her logic as we headed into the house.

"Are you sure, babydoll?" Billie was trying to sweet talk his way into this.

"Yeah. I don't want kids being my friend because my dad makes music and is on TV and the radio." She
was learning a lot earlier than I had expected about that.

"But I'm in other bands too! We can say I play with Pinhead Gunpowder!" Billie truly was doing everything he could short of bribing her.

"Rita Mae, let dad come to class. I'll come next time, I promise."

"Okay.. But don't embarrass me!" Her voice was hesitant and Billie shot her an absurd look.

"Me?! Embarrassing? That's not even possible!" Rita rolled her eyes and shook her head before running off to her room for some reason or another.

"Am I really embarrassing?" Billie stared at me, expecting an answer.

"Uh.. When you're wasted, yes."

"When I'm not?"

I nodded and said that he could be sometimes. Billie and I were going up to our room and he asked me how.

"Well, it's a little embarrassing when people are like, 'Oh, your husband masturbates on stage at his shows' or that you make out with guys."

"Hey! Being bisexual is a beautiful thing, y'know."

"I know, Billie. It's just that it's weird when other people tell me things I already know and they think that I have no clue."

"Oh…" Billie flopped onto our bed and I took off my jacket.

"It's like people think I don't know what you do at all. Please, I used to know you better than I knew myself."

He stared at me, asking why I used the past tense.

"These last few years have been tough for us. We're not on that level where I can tell exactly what you're thinking anymore."

"I'm trying my best to get things back to that, you know, Grace."

"It's not just you though. It's me too. I haven't been understanding enough or willing to work on things as much on my part. I think I expected you to change overnight when I need to change too. Nearly every time I look at you, I think of how I'd give anything to know what you're thinking."

Billie nodded and I could see his mind racing; with what, I have no idea.

"Maybe we need to spend some alone time together. We were always the most connected when we were alone." Billie did have a point, so I nodded thoughtfully, asking what we should do. He suggested that we got to Studio 880 during the upcoming week and I thought it was a pretty good idea.

"I'll call the studio and set up some time for us to go in. Maybe we can refamiliarize ourselves with that piano in there." Billie winked, getting up and wrapping his arms around me before falling back onto the bed, dragging me down with him.

"You're crazy, I hope you know that."

"Fuck yeah I'm crazy! Crazy about you!"

I laughed at how cheesy he was being and decided to go along with it. This could be exactly what we need to be doing to start appreciating each other again. Hopefully 880 will go well and help bring us closer together.